Anyone else want to quit being a mom?

[shootmenow2020]

Name changed as this is outing, but I'm really really struggling with my kids. I'm a single parent and I work a number of part time jobs (all online now) and I'm studying for a degree. This was all ok kinda before COVID as I had childcare. But now that's closed. I am also self employed and have been asked to do a number of quotes for jobs. I've three kids and I literally cannot manage them. They've the house trashed, I can't get any work or study done. The two youngest are incredibly needy. I screamed so much at the youngest today I've just spend the past hour crying as I'm ashamed. I can't do this all on my own. I don't want to do it on my own. Everything is so hard. They won't sleep in their own bed so I don't even get my own personal space at night. It's 24/7. I know I'll get flamed on here for screaming at my kids but I need the outlet.

This sounds incredibly difficult. I think anyone would struggle in your position.

Is sounds like you've just got too much on. The one thing you absolutely can't quit or put on the back burner are your children, can't quit being a mum! So, something else will have to give. One of the jobs or the degree will have to be put on hold temporarily.

How old are the children?

So sorry to hear, not that I can help but being a mum is already a full-time job so please be kind to yourself.

Depends on how old they are but it helps to get the priorities aligned in your head. You need to work, as the income means you won't go hungry. You also need to spend some time with them, as they are your kids. Is there any chance your Uni can give you say half-term off or a deferral for some of the work?

Remember your mental and physical health are the cornerstones of everything else so try to give yourself some time by asking the older kids to entertain the younger ones for say 3 minutes (then 5, then 7...) and see if this can be done. Maybe it will work.

Flammed for yelling?...not from me.
I have 1 kid 1 job and a husband and I’m at my
Wits end!!! I have nothing but admiration if they all fed and watered.
Can your degree be paused?

Sounds exhausting OP! I'd echo pps posts can you pause your degree? I'd be keen to get the kids out of your bed so you could sleep better but I think tackling that might take the last of the little energy you have! What age are they?
I think we're all reminding ourselves often that this wont last forever and we can get through it.

They're 3 and 20 months old so quite young, energetic and spirited.

I think everyone is right about the degree, totally sucks as I love my friends on the course but I'm just totally overwhelmed right now.

Been trying to focus on the kids and give them time but with work deadlines it's draining the life out of me.

I actually thought about giving them up today, which is awful. Just sending them off to live with their dad. I'm crying here thinking about it. Is it possible to have post partum depression this late?

It’s possible to have situational depression any time, and you have every reason to feel overwhelmed. So try to get a GP appointment (even phone appointment) to discuss the depression (whatever type) and the possibility of antidepressants and/or a sick note.

You need some breathing space

@ArriettyJones thanks for responding! Yes maybe anti depressants might be needed xx my head space wasn't good today

I've lost my temper with my 16 year old ds today, completely blown my top & told him to bugger off back to his dad's if he thinks he would be better off there, I'm autistic just like him & ended up having a full blown meltdown afterwards. I haven't had a meltdown for over 3 years until today but he knows exactly which buttons to press to wind me up. He's spent the rest of the day sulking in his room even though I apologised, wouldn't come down for tea & hasn't spoken to me or my mum. I will just be glad when it is September & hopefully schools are open again.

Won’t get flamed for yelling by me. I’ve got one 3 year old, a husband, and am off work at the moment (frontline NHS & pregnant). I’m finding it bloody exhausting being home constantly with an energetic toddler, and struggling to keep it together at times.

Can’t imagine how you are holding it together with all you’ve got going on!

I second pausing the degree if you can - give yourself some headspace.

Depression can occur at anytime but quite frankly some times life is just crap, doesn’t need a greater label

Thanks everyone I'm
Feeling a lot better today, when I give the kids 100% of my focus they're a lot better behaved. I've also spoken with their dad about going back to regular hours (as he had changed these during covid) so hoping the routine will benefit the kids as I know they've been missing him.

I can't believe how will I was to quit on Monday (actually suicidal) and now i feel so much better.

It's heartening to know others are struggling too.

I have a 4-year-old toddler at home who is a volcano of energy, it's hard to focus on something else when he is running around the house, before the virus he went to daycare and I had more time to work, now it's hard because he misses his daycare friends. There he went to art classes and he came home calm, I try to organize some art classes at home, I am in constant contact with the ladies from his daycare, they are very helpful!
abcinfantdaycare.com

I have one 21mth old and studying while working full time and I'm literally on my knees. Your a legend to manage it with three.
Can you sneak out of bed after their Sleep and have a bath or relax by yourself?
Something just for you.
I'm failing a bit tbh so prob not best for advice as mines watching way too much dougeee

@Oggden1 I tend to go to sleep when they sleep as I'm just shattered. I've a uni project due next week and my focus is completely gone. Going to try and kick my ass into gear and finish it this wknd. The degree is so I can get a better paid job once I'm finished so I'd really like to give it my best shot. It won't be a first class honours at this stage though.

Thanks for your words of encouragement they mean a lot Xxx

Sorry you've been dealt a pretty rubbish card at the moment. I've nothing to add to the good advice you've been given above other than please please contact your course administration at uni and ask for mitigating circumstances for the project. Also ask them for an extension or deferral, as they will be able to help. I work in a top tier uni and our MC meetings are mostly filled with people who have colds and random non illnesses. They still get uncapped resists etc if they fail the first time around. However you won't get the uncapped resit attempts that you deserve if you don't submit MCs before the project deadline, it can be done but it's a much lengthier process and you're clearly in need of a break now. Please contact them today so they might be able to reply before the weekend.

It sounds like uni is the odd one out here - can you defer a year? Or apply for mitigating circumstances to get the deadline extended? I'm also combining study and young children (although I have it much easier as there's only one kid and two parents in the house) and my university emailed all students offering special covid 19 deferrals if anyone needs them. Best of luck! What field are you studying in?

Oh wow. I'd never be able to cope on your situation. To be honest I'm struggling with my spirited 18 month old even though my husband and I are both working from home - I've never appreciated nursery so much before! But thats nothinf compsrsd to your situation. I'm sure anyone in the world would be struggling right now in your shoes! I'm sure that would be enough to trigger some sort or depression in me - constant stress and impossible goals. I agree with previous posters- can you take time out of uni? At my uni you can apply for a leave of absence and your circumstances would definitely qualify!! Something has clearly got to give, for your own sake!

Funny thing is, uni gives me great joy. I'd rather drop the self employed jobs I've been getting but it's hard to say no to extra money.

I just can't wait for daycare to be over

I understand that, however, will uni still give you great joy if you end up not doing as well as you could do just due to your current circumstances? You mentioned previously that you're doing it because you want a better future for you and your children, but it won't be first class "at the moment" meaning you clearly feel able to get a first class result given the right support. I fear you will look back at this time in years to come and wish you'd done something because like I said it's much harder to apply retrospectively for these things particularly if you've never mentioned them before.

Please tell your uni and apply for mitigating circumstances even if you then don't need to use them. I'm continually seeing some of my students successfully secure uncapped resists etc for relatively minor issues (eg: I had a cold, no I didn't go to the GP because it wasn't bad enough but you can ask my mum for proof) then it's the ones like you who have genuine mitigating circumstances who don't submit paperwork and end up penalised as a result with a lower result than they deserve.

You mentioned you need to work in order to get money, but have you first double checked you're claiming everything you're entitled to from uni? Mine have A LOT of grants for students who are parents and also have a hardship grant for times like this when regardless of budgeting, you just can't make ends meet. If you were at my uni you'd have a very compelling case - again, I'm on the panels who make these decisions.

Good luck.

I haven't actually applied for any grants yet I must get on that. Part of the reason I don't want to differ is I really enjoy my group I'm studying with. Is the project mostly completed
This wknd and then lost some work. I'm nearly there. I'll keep struggling for a while and see how it does.

It's completely your choice but if you were my student then I wouldn't want you to "keep struggling for a while" just because you didn't want to ask for help. You won't necessarily have to defer just because you put in for mitigating circumstances, but you may have to repeat the year (and therefore not stay with your cohort anyway) if you fail without submitting your legitimate MCs. At my uni most things can be repeated or extended during the year and it's worst case scenario if we "force" someone to repeat the year if this isn't what they want to do. Is your group work peer assessed? If so, do you trust your group to rate you fairly?

Make sure you apply for grants asap. Unis are under so much political pressure to ensure fair access to "atypical" groups such as parents, those with disabilities etc and they have to report on how much support (financial and otherwise) they've given to these groups, partly in order to satisfy the government in order to keep charging the fees they charge so usually there's lots of money sitting around for someone to claim it.