Breastfeeding to sleep/naps in cot

[Lombriz]

My Dd is 3m and getting her to sleep has been tough since the beginning. We co-slept for a while and did naps mostly in the sling (thanks to super useful advice from MN!). Now we always breastfeed to sleep, at night i then wait for around an hour after she is asleep in my arms and then transfer her to the next-to-me cot. Sometimes she wakes up and we do the whole thing again. For naps, it's only in my arms breastfeeding to sleep (transfer doesn't work as at night, she wakes up always) or in the sling.

It's fine for now and I enjoy it, but as I have to start working from home when she is 6m I wonder if I need to start to change things now or everything will click into place by itself?

If you breastfed to sleep, was it hard for your lo to learn to fall asleep by themselves? How did you start doing naps in the cot?

I kind of want to let her do these things in her own time, but equally I will need the time so I can work later...

Would be grateful for advice!

I am still co-sleeping and breastfeeding to sleep at 7 months. Not managed a single night in the bedside crib.
I am going to start attempting naps in the cot soon but suspect it won’t work.

Sorry that’s not what you want to hear! I won’t let her cry though, that’s my choice. If I sleep trained it might be different

In my experience they'll have a sleepy milky cuddle to sleep as long as you'll let them! And you can't blame them really.

We co-slept then did sleep training at 13mo for dc1, 9mo for dc2. IME they rarely just decide to sleep better, they need a nudge to adjust sleep cues.

Up until 6 mo they're supposed to sleep in a room with you, including naps. If I were you I'd feed til she's sleepy then put her in cot and stay in room - potter about or lie by her. She will cry.

Start to listen carefully to her cries so you recognise genuine distress from winding down to sleep. Sometimes it's more of a bleat than a loud cry. Only pick up if she sounds distressed rather than just a bit annoyed and tired. Soothe then put down again. There are a million books and sites that will tell you a variation of this theme, the main thing is to be consistent and stick with it until she learns to sleep a different way.

I preferred co sleeping to trying to transfer at night as I got more sleep. But we've got a big bed so it wasn't too squashed!

I did the same thing op! At around 12 weeks I started verrryy gently rousing him a bit as I put him down and would see if he could settle himself back to sleep. Another thing we tried at night was getting him to feed from one side, then changing his nappy. He was then awake enough to feed from the other side after, meaning he was nice and full and clean when we put him back down. He was more awake then, so we put on white noise and he got pretty good at getting himself to sleep.

However, we're now going through the 4 month regression!! We still try to get him to settle himself, but if it is not happening we rock him or I feed him to sleep. I'm hoping he'll come out the other side soon if we just keep trying?!

Naps, we're still working on... We're going to start putting him in his big cot and see how it goes. Wish me luck!

@Megan2018, yes for some reason it works at night, she falls asleep so deep I can put her down in the crib usually... how do you manage to eat dinner?

I won't let my lo cry either, so only want to start encouraging things and hope she cooperates.

I probably wouldn't care and just carry on if I didn't have to get back to work.

@ludicrouslemons thank you!

At night I do hear different kinds of cry and can put her back to sleep just hand on chest and white noise or vert rarely she settles herself. In the day, for naps, it's always drama! Whenever I tried to put her down she cried so much I had to pick her up straight away. I just can't hear her cry, DP says I give up too soon and need to let her try to settle herself. But I just can't!

@lombriz we eat together? She’s weaning so we eat all meals as a family. Prior to her weaning she sat with us anyway when we ate and came to bed with me afterwards.

You’ve got the sleep regression come which is usually grim but after that you’ll have to see what works for you as what works now likely won’t!

@Fivebyfive2 thank you! I will try what you did, putting her to sleep more awake. Did your lo cry when you started that?

Good luck with the sleep regression, hopefully it doesn't last too long!

I'm still feeding to sleep at 15 months because he quite literally does not get tired/fall asleep without. He can run around at full speed for 8+ hours before I give in and has never fallen asleep randomly on the floor or wherever like my friends children do!

Sorry posted to soon.
Yes I think ideally you should try and break the habit but it can be so hard. Lots of advice on here if you search through previous posts.

I still feed to sleep at 2yrs old. I don't need to for naps, but she'll only nap on the move so I take her for a walk in the pram and she naps. She naps perfectly fine at nursery but they are wizards!

I personally didn't see any benefits in not feeding to sleep. It's easy and it always works, yes sometimes it takes a while but why would any other method be different. She will also sleep ok with my husband just cuddling her as long as I'm not in the house!

@lombriz, he didn't used to as long as we put him down happy (full, clean and winded!) he does now though! Sometimes he will go off if I just pat and sing to him or put his sounds on but it's not as easy as it used to be. Hopefully if we keep trying he'll get the hang of it again.

Also, something that might work for putting him down when he's already asleep... I noticed my little one would sort of toss his head from side to side when I put him down. If he doesn't 'find' anything he'll fully wake, usually upset. But if I put my hand out do he nudges against it a couple of times, sometimes he just stays asleep and settles down.

Hi Lombriz,

I've been in a similar situation recently, my LO is also 3 months, she feeds and falls asleep and every time I put her down in her cot her eyes would open and she'd be wide awake despite having been very much asleep in my arms! I used to wait around 25-30 mins as we thought she had reflux so would wind her then hold her upright and try to put her down 30 mins later. Not so sure about the reflux now, think it might have been trapped wind in her belly that was dislodging and bringing up milk. So I've started winding her better and now I actually put her down after she's been asleep for just 10 minutes. She seems to be in a deep enough sleep to do so (I do the arm drop check - lift her arm slightly and let it fall - if she reacts she's not in a deep enough sleep yet, and if she doesn't react I'll very slowly and very gently try to transfer her). This has worked really well the last few days so far...! Also when I put her down I continue to hold her for a few moments to ensure she settles, then slowly bring one arm away at a time, placing her arms gently down on the mattress if they're on her body so they don't slip off and the movement wake her. This currently works for me so might help you too perhaps.

I also feed to sleep as I find that I can't put her in the cot 'drowsy but awake' for her to settle as she always wakes up and decides its time to play and has a good wriggle and kick and smiles so much! So she always gets put in the cot once she is asleep.

I think once the 4 month sheep regression has hit and we're out the other side then I'll try again with the 'drowsy but awake' advice. I'm already worrying myself about the 4 month sleep regression though as I've read so much about it and she has started sleeping so well recently!

Hope some of this helps

Good luck!

The most important thing I learned is that babies have sleep associations.

So you and I might turn out lights, lock door, brush teeth, get in pyjamas etc. By the end of that our bodies know we're ready for bed and we're already sleepy. The duvet and pillow are the final step.

For babies, their routine is boob and you. They can learn to associate something else with sleep but it won't be immediate so you have to stick with it. You can do it with more or less crying/training depending on your time scale and level of desperation!

...but it doesn't do anything. Maybe I need to believe in it more, I don't know. It just looks like she is so far from falling asleep, it's hard to imagine how it can work.

I feed to sleep at naps and bed (and wake ups) at a year. My child is a rubbish sleeper, but I've always been able to put her down after a couple of minutes asleep. That's the other option.

Sorry first half disappeared!

@Fivebyfive2 thank you for advice, will try that. My LO is definitely not asleep in 10 min. I do the floppy baby test and sometimes it takes 40min for her to be in deep sleep... that's why it's taking so long.

@ludicrouslemons I understand the theory of sleep associations but the real thing is so hard. I have tried shhh/pat in cot but it doesn't do anything. Maybe I need to believe in it more, I don't know. It just looks like she is so far from falling asleep, it's hard to imagine how it can work.