27 month old well behind on self feeding

[Rubyroost]

This is my fault and so I dont want to hear about how I've been doing it wrong. More about how to move on if any one has experienced similar issues. Because my child has not really shown loads of interest in food, I've fallen into trap of letting him watch TV or distracting him whilst I have fed him. He's gone through stages of feeding himself and then teething has happened and I've started feeding him again and then any progress that has been made has gone.
Anyhow.. So we're now in boot camp. No TV, no distractions, no me feeding him. Tho I feed him his porridge for breakfast and yoghurt after his dinner. But we have made progress. He has fed himself all his lunch today. I have helped him Stab some and we have done it togethwr and then he has finished off. Because I have helped him so much he is behind where he should be and he's struggling to spoon stuff in, he's turning spoon upsidw down and then I start to help him too much.
I'm going to eventually leave him to it and throw food away if he does t eat it himself, but I'm thinking, he needs some gradual build up as I've babied him so long.
Any constructive advice appreciated. Feel like I've definitely made progress this week. But I want to get to where he can spoon liquids independently and also stab at his food completely independently.

Relax. Take a step back. Let him eat when he is hungry and stop when he is full. Give him his food. Let him make a mess. He will learn naturally from watching u and practicing. No need for formal lessons in how to use a spoon or over thinking it. Dont stress if he doesn't eat much at a meal he will make up for it with healthy snacks or at the next meal.

@Halo1234 was going to go straight to this, but thought I should try and do a step at a time and feel like we have made progress. But yeah, I think you're right. I'm going to have to just let go of the reins.

Can you start him off with something really thick on the spoon so he doesn't loose to much if he tips it up?

@LoisLittsLover yeah he can do that with his porridge, but it's so tempting to help him if he doesnt try to eat it as he gets his milk through his porridge sbd it's git all those added vits so I don't like him missing out. I realise I just need to let go of thud tho and chill. If he doesn't eat it, throw it away and move on to the next meal

Maybe you could try busying yourself with something while he’s eating, so you’re not tempted to step in? Ideally you would eat at the same time so he’s learning by copying but even just doing some washing up or something with lots of chat would be good? I think you just have to steel yourself for some mess and stress in the short term but for long term gain. Would he be more keen on finger foods? If you’re bothered about the mess, just things like toast, crackers etc would get him eating independently and then you can progress towards a spoon.
I think it’s so easy to fall into ‘traps’ as a parent, we’re all just trying to make a hard job easier, good luck!

Well done you for acknowledging the problem. Keep going, he will be so much better off for it.
dont worry about mess and intake. If he's enjoying the food and ingesting it thats the important thing. At this stage dont get hung up on cutlery if he prefers to use his hands.
Maybe make double amounts of messy things, keep half back and if he's still hungry you can top up
To phase out the helping i do alternate spoons with kids, I might even load theirs and tell them to feed themselves.
Most importantly , keep it easy breezy.

Thanks @nannymags we've made really good progress. I do feel though that perhaps I've intervened too much. Eg I've been tiling him to Stab Stan his food and also been saying scoop for his yoghurt and porridge etc. But he's done it all himself and I feel like even though I haven't just left him to it completely we've made massive progress. So perhaps it's okay to give Jim a big of encouragement first before just leaving him completely to it and nit saying anything. Really quite pleased though as there have been quite a few bad habits to break and we've done it all in one.

Telling him to Stab stab 😂

@Rubyroost so glad you’re both making good progress. I posted virtually the exact same thing at the beginning of this year. My little one was 2 in January. He’s now using a spoon for every breakfast and his fruit/custard pots for pudding. He just will not use a fork though. I keep putting it out and showing him what to do but I think he uses his hands as he can shovel his food into his mouth quicker!
I also asked about using a ‘normal’ cup for his water/milk. That I’ve been a bit more relaxed with which I know I probably shouldn’t be. He gets an open cup for each meal but during the day around the house I still use his 360 cup as I don’t want water everywhere and also like him to have free access to his drink when he wants it.

@PinkDaydreams even if he put his food in with his hands I'd be happy!
My little one likes drinking out of open cup, but he also likes pouring and playing with water, so we are on the soppy cup for now. I know he's capable of drinking out of a proper one so I'm not really bothered about that for now.

@PinkDaydreams also a January baby here x

Gosh, point me to one parent who hasn't made a bunch of mistakes, especially with their first ! Myself included. So please don't beat yourself up, especially as this will have literally zero consequences on his future (aside from being a hassle for you atm).

Agree with pp's, try to serve him foods that are easy to eat (thick purée for instance). My son is just beginning to use his fork or spoon with my help and while some mess is unavoidable, foods that are easiest to deal with are :

• purees (pureed lentils, peas, potatoes, carrots, etc)
• thick porridge (if you're worries about him missing out on the milk, just give him the milk in his cup !)
• sticky rice and/or pasta (I usually cook the rice in chicken stock and serve it with vegetables and chicken)

Finger foods are also a good alternative though generally less healthy. But nothing wrong with the occasional chicken nuggets.

Also you can motivate him by telling him that if he eats well he can have desert (mine knows that he doesn't have to eat if he's not hungry but he doesn't get anything else, deserts or snacks, until next meal).

Dessert*

I think kids learn so fast at this age that you won't have this problem for long. I'd help him by preloading the spoon and handing it to him. Practice with porridge, beans, peas. Keep reminding him or even show him the difference between turning the spoon and keeping it straight. There's nothing wrong with him having a sippy cup at the table still, but it might be nice to get him a tiny jug and some small open cups so he can practice pouring. We started with lentils and then water. We do it stood at the counter with a tea towel on hand for spills.

Just let him get stuck in, give a tonne of praise for his efforts and he will pick it up so fast at this age.

Thanks Marphise and CrazyOldBagLady for the reassurance. I had been preloading spoon previously and he was sometimes putting it in himself so I wanted to move away from this. We have and whilst we have sometimes stabbed together (with my hand guiding his) he is mostly doing this on his own and when he stops then I see that as he's finished. He's been spooning his own porridge in and yoghurt and getting loads better and lots of praise.

Regarding the pud thing. I read that it's not a good idea to offer pudding as a reward on quite a few sites, as it makes them think that main course is a lesser food etc and Im trying to do the right thing, but I'm starting to think this is rubbish. Also a lot of advice is don't give rewards for eating food etc, but surely this goes against how they learn. He likes showing off to daddy how he can stab with his fork and put his food in and enjoys the praise and it's working so...
I guess I just want to do the right thing and get him into healthy eating habits after doing the wrong thing for so long. But you're definitely right, it's a good time to learn and now we can communicate better it definitely helps.

I think you have kind of answered your own question there somewhat. They love praise and attention and this is reward enough. Try to remember to give him enthusiastic praise for the behaviour you want to see and he will want to please you.

I'm no expert but we don't bribe with puddings. We rarely eat pudding anyway so he gets fruit or sometimes yoghurt after dinner if he wants it and there's no strings attached. We give him lots of praise for trying things and doing well with his fork or what not. It's been working for us.

Thinking about it, it seems a bit cruel to say you cant have a treat because you held your spoon wrong and dropped your food, when it's something he is just learning and isn't the best at yet.

@CrazyOldBagLady pudding is yoghurt for us. Greek yoghurt with mashed up fresh fruit added. We're trying to be healthy. He currently has an Easter egg tho and so he does have a but of choc afterwards sometimes. 😳🙄