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Ex H attitude!

2 replies

LittleDonkeyKong · 20/04/2020 16:43

Apologies in advance for the long thread!

I separated from my ex H 7 years ago when I was 3 months pregnant with our 2nd child. Divorced about 18 months later. We have 2 girls aged 9 and 6.
Since then we have arranged maintenance and child contact been ourselves. I am now going to be going through CMS for maintenance and requesting him to get a court order for contact, here's why....
His attitude towards the girls has always been out of sight out of mind! Being able to be amicable to him has gone out of the window these past couple of weeks. I was furloughed last month and he was still working so we agreed the children would stay with me. He was furloughed 2 weeks ago so that in my mind changed things. Last week I asked him if he was having the girls next week as it had been 14 days since he was furloughed and his response was 'who said I would have them after 14 days?' He then started saying he would get fined for driving to pick them up which obviously I know he won't and I sent him screenshots from government websites stating its classed as essential travel. He then said he had spoke to his mum and she told him no he will be fined. I messaged his mum and attached the sane screenshots I sent ex h. I then get told his mum had messaged him and because I had as he put it 'spat my dummy out' now he HAD to have the kids (I don't believe he ever spoke to his mum about it and in response to the message I sent her she spoke to him asking why I had messaged her that). I then get slagged off by him for 'putting ideas into the kids head's that they would be seeing daddy soon!
He picked the kids up this morning with a face like a slapped arse. Half an hour later I receive a message off him saying 'just to clarify how long am i having these for? THESE!!!! that's how he refers to his 2 beautiful daughters! He couldn't even wait until he got back to his house to message me he messaged while driving!!!
I'm 99% sure the only reason he pays maintenance and has the kids for 1 night every 2 weeks usually is because his mum tells him he has to.
I suppose I just want someone to agree that he is a deadbeat dad and I'm doing the right thing making things legal after all these years of me 'forcing' him to see his children.

OP posts:
Anotherdayinmumlife · 20/04/2020 19:02

When you are working, do you rely on him to have the girls or do you have family who would have them? Do the girls like being with him and want to go? If he wants to be a half arsed dad and not see them very often, then I personally wouldn't force it. I wouldn't want my kids going somewhere I knew they weren't wanted full stop. If you stop contact do you think he would take it to court and fight to get access? He'd be charged for a mediation meeting with a solicitor first, then court fees to go and you would both meet up to discuss what access and dropping off times you agree on before it's typed up and an order in place. Unfortunately there are crap dad's out there who use the "I have a right to see my child" but don't actually care that much when they're openly allowed to. Good luck xx

LittleDonkeyKong · 20/04/2020 21:17

I actually don't think he would go through all the effort of court. My eldest doesn't care about seeing him and the youngest only wants to go because she thinks shes going to get a toy. I don't rely on him for any childcare. I work during the week during school hours.

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