Childless friend keeps criticizing my parenting

[Hf1234]

My friend who has NO CHILDREN has an opinion on everything in relation to my parenting style . She comments on what DD and DS eat, what they drink, the fact I co-sleep, what they wear, how they play, everything you can think of....
This has caused arguments where she still never admits fault, the criticisms don’t ever stop - and she doesn’t understand because she has 0 kids! What do I do?

Accept she isn't your friend!!
Lockdown is a great opportunity to back away from such people...

Do you want to continue the friendship? If so just be really clear - I don’t appreciate your comments on my parenting style, please stop or I don’t think I’ll be able to continue this friendship

Smile and nod.

Dont smile and nod! Bloody tell her to keep her judgemental comments to herself! Is she envious of you do you think? Why else would she be so spiteful?

Tell her to shut the fuck up or fuck the fuck off.

Aaaah, these are always great. My brother is one of those. Lots and lots of comments. Also lots of comments on what his children will/won't do.

I can't wait....!

Having said all that, I regularly tell him, as does our sister, that he doesn't know what he's talking about. I mean, obviously he disagrees, but whatever. With a friend, it's trickier. But personally, I would be inclined to tell her that her endless criticism and commentary isn't helpful and you'd really appreciate it if she stops. And if she can't or won't, then it's time to reconsider the friendship anyway. Sorry OP.

Going against the grain but i think a lot of this depends on the behaviour of your kids. I had a friend who had very badly behaved little ones because she was wildly inconsistent and overly aggressive - i didnt have kids at the time but it was obvious what she was doing wrong, and now i have kids of my own i still have the same opinions.

Unlike your friend, i kept my opinions to myself and i didnt ever have any thoughts about their food or clothes, but depending on what your kids are like, some comments on behaviour might just be her trying to help with her observations. Maybe try giving her the benefit of the doubt and say that you know she's just trying to help but you'd rather just have a friendly chat without advice?

Plenty of parents disagree with each other on parenting decisions. Don’t make this about her being childless. Make this about her being an interfering, criticising person.

"Everyone is a perfect parent before they have kids" Just say that every time.

She must have been like this about you before you had children. She’s not a kind friend. Start to distance yourself slowly, with no drama.

LOL, i misread as "friendless child keeps criticizing my parenting" and got very interested! That is me!

But, yes, as the others said. Put up if you can (she might mean well and just not understand how sensitive we can be about our parenting...), tell friend is annoying you if you can't. If it doesn't work out, move on to other friends....

When I had my first dc I went back to work when he was 10 months old. His sleep was really bad and I was exhausted; I was whining about it during my dinner break one day and a colleague inserted himself into the conversation to say that if he had a child, he would simply insist that they went to bed and slept and he just didn't understand why people made such a fuss about it all. If I had been less tired I would have punched him in the face.

Even if she had children I’d tell her to naff off.

I think you need to redefine what a "friend" is.

Stop telling her so much

Going against the grain but i think a lot of this depends on the behaviour of your kids. I had a friend who had very badly behaved little ones because she was wildly inconsistent and overly aggressive - i didnt have kids at the time but it was obvious what she was doing wrong, and now i have kids of my own i still have the same opinions.

Even if this is true (although in my experience childless people have far too high expectations of actual children), it's still rude to be criticising and commenting. We don't (I hope) constantly criticise our friends clothing or eating habits or tell them they're wrong about everything all the time, so why should someone criticise their parenting? It's not okay.

There are times and places where some suggestions or commentary might be welcomed, but ad hoc comments and constant criticism is not that.

Before DS was born, I remember telling DH that I thought a friend was making a huge mistake with her DS and that I would not be allowing such silliness when it came to sleep issues etc. THANK GOD I never said a word to the friend because DS was the worst sleeper in the history of the world and DH and I had many many conversations about how naive and judgemental and stupid we had been when judging her!!

I can see both sides. Do you ever see her without your children? How are things then? While I don't condone her criticism, I've felt the same sometimes.

My friend is a teacher, yet seems to have no control over her kids at all and not organised in anyway! No change of clothes when taking them to a sandy/wet play park, no extra nappies, no plastic baby cup in a restaurant. When little, they'd run inside a restaurant, rub MY chopstick across their nose, jump on chairs and due to lack of plastic cup, smashed a glass across the entire, tiled floor. I found any outing with her stressful. We couldn't talk, and I seemed more concerned about her kids than she did.

Have you ever told her how it makes you feel or questioned what evidence she has they your parenting is wrong? Maybe she isn't such a great friend, or she is just fed up of your kids?

What does she find to criticise in what they wear?

I also think childless people give 'helpful suggestions' which are ridiculous because they have no experience but are meant kindly. Any suggested criticism of my child is a bit of a red button so it's a perfect storm.

I have a friend like this. She used to do it a lot when DC were young, imparting lots of tips she'd seen on parenting programmes. And she used to be critical of the fact that I didnt have a long time to talk on the phone (she regularly called at a meal time or bathtime)
One of the tips was putting your DC back to their bed everytime they woke/wanted to come in your room. One couple on the programme put their child back in their bed 100 times in one night. It was hard to explain your levels of tiredness/sanity after years and years of broken sleep that getting up 100 times in one night was too traumatic to contemplate!!!

She's a nob and certainly no friend.
My childless SIL likes to patronise me with "ooo he'll be fine" "nothing to worry about" "this happens to every child" "don't stress yourself" "my mates kid went through this" "my friend takes parenting in her stride which is the best way to be."
Yet everything that happens to her is disastrous, no matter how tiny and she's been known to sulk for months. I am bordering on having an argument with her. She uses silly patronising tones, rolls her eyes and thinks I don't notice and uses cocky emojis on our family social media group when I mention any concerns I have about the children. She's an utter moron.
Your friend sounds 10x worse!

I would be intrigued to know specific examples of her doing this. If they are coming round your house and running riot, breaking things and being disrespectful then l can see why she might well comment. If it’s “you should have put the blue trousers on them and not the red” or about their routine then l can see why might think she was being intrusive

Sometimes it’s easier to see the crux of a problem when you are detached from it.

EG “did you realise when dc asked you for a biscuit you said no twice and then gave in. DC has learned this and that’s why he pesters you about anything and everything relentlessly, because he’s expecting you to cave eventually and he gets whatever it is. When you say no if you keep to it and don’t cave then it will work better”

If it’s stuff like this your ‘friend’ is trying to be helpful.

If it’s continual bollocking about every damn thing I’d tell her straight that I’d appreciate it if she wouldn’t get involved.

Perhaps she can’t have children and is living her life through yours?

Or just don’t see her so much/see her without DC. Once CV is over obv.

My childless friend makes snide comments and openly dislikes my son.
He is 14 has Autism, major anxiety and OCD. He is a sweet boy. He does require alot of attention, reassurance and likes to be with me.
My friend came to visit and was seething. He kept getting up at bed time to ask me questions about his anxieties. She walked out the house for a few hours very angry
She said he's being manipulative, he should be helping me around the house and that he's very immature for his age. She also said he just like his Dac (who was emotionally abusive.
I explained that we have both had a very tough year he has additional needs and that he is younger for his age. She said well be seen other autistic kids not as immature as that.
I was flabbergasted but at a very low ebb myself.
She won't come to the house anymore.
Last time I saw her she asked me if it is very boring being a Mum.
I said I find it tough but very rewarding. Her response was. It looks boring!
I'm not sure how to deal with this. I fear I will lose my rag. I'm not sure what to do about it.

@dogweiner you've woken up a zombie thread!

However, I think your friend isn't even trying to be helpful. She's just triggered and ignorant. Not a good combination.