Is this normal?

[Tjsmumma]

Hi,

My DD is 4 months tomorrow so 17 weeks.

EBF, loves me to absolute pieces and im sure she loves DF as well but, she just does not settle for him, he can't get her to sleep (she boobs to sleep) i cant be out the room for more than 5 minutes without her getting not upset but aggy, and shouting out 'ma ma' for me, she can be in an absolute state for him, but, as soon as i return and she sees me, she stops instantly and smiles.

Obviously, this makes him feel awful, so, i think he sort of expects it and im not sure if she feeds of this or what, but, it's really getting me down.

I feel like, if i can't even leave her with him for an hour or even while i do dinner, when all this is over how on earth am i going to go out or do anything without her? Not saying i want to or anything like that, but, obviously every mum needs space.

I've seen mums i know, more FF babies but some BF babies be left within the first 12 weeks, without seemingly no problems, maybe there was but i dont know.

I'm not really sure what the point to this post is other than to ask, AIBU to think this is abnormal and wanting her to be able to settle for others?

Will this change? Am i doing the complete wrong thing BF? I absolutely love thid journey and thankfully its been so darn easy apart from this, but, im absolutely stressed about it now, i keep trying to suggest things that may work and it doesn't and I love my DD SO much but, god, id love a nice long bath without worrying.

Am i being an awful mum thinking like this?
Any tips? Or will it pass on its own? Is it just simply because im breastfeeding?

Sorry 😞

You need to just leave him to it. They have to find their own way. And they will as long as he keeps trying and you let him do it i.e don't come back when she cries for you, let him comfort her.

Maybe he could look online for some tips for calming her, rocking/singing/special way to hold etc. He just needs to find his way.

Theyre not going to figure it out unless you let them try it. Get in the habit of leaving them to it once a day - pick a time when she's just had a nap, clean nappy, full tummy, cheery mood, then tell her youre off for a bath and just go. Don't come back for an hour. She'll cry, but she won't be by herself, it won't do her any harm. Then come back, make a big show of "hello, i had a lovely bath, did you have a nice time with daddy?" Get him to tell you what they did together (ie "oh yeah mummy, we had a lovely snuggle, but we got a little sad so then we went in the garden/read a book/played the Rolling Stones really loudly and danced and that was nice, glad you had a good bath" etc)

It sounds daft, but at this age they understand a lot more than you think and they pick things up - if you say the same thing every time when you go and come back, she'll learn that you always come back.

As the other posters said give her time to adjust to some daddy time. I'd definitely try and stop feeding to sleep, it quickly becomes a habit and you could be up constantly at night (I accidentally got into that habit wished I had cut it out earlier)

@nix2020 she's actually pretty good a night, its the only way she goes down calmy, if not its a big fuss, no matter who does it, and she goes pretty much instantly. We co sleep so she doesn't really wake up much for feeds, it would be the opposite if i didnt feed fo sleep. But thank you all i shall try that :)

My son was formula fed and still prefers me at 19 months - although, isolation as meant he’s spent lots of time with his dad so he will now more actively choose to go and snuggle up with his dad now over me. Pleased don’t stress that BF is causing this. Anecdotally, many of my friends have lived through this scenario irrespective of how the baby was fed.

Just give them time together. I know it’s hard when they’re screaming and you know you can settle them instantly - I’ve been there - but your DH needs to discover ways of settling her. His ways will likely be different to yours and that’s ok. It’s also ok to go out and leave little one with your DH and lets them figures things out together.

I've read an interesting idea (but have not tried it yet). Say "bye bye" every time you leave the room. Like even if you go to the loo. Just say "bye bye" and when you come back say "helooooo". Maybe the baby will manage to realise that "bye bye" is followed by a "helooo" and will settle.