Newborn questions

[mummyje20]

Hello!
I'm due my first baby in May and am starting to panic!!
I haven't got my Mum to ask questions and don't really have many friends either so no one to ask the little questions that feel very stupid!!
I don't have a huge list at the minute but may come back to this thread if anyone would be around..

1. How bad is the recovery period after birth?
2. How soon should I start some sort of routine?
3. Do I put baby in Moses basket after every feed at night?
4. Am I really going to be in charge of looking after a small baby???!?!
5. How do I avoid having arguments with my partner when we're both exhausted?

Thanks!

1. It really depends on how the birth goes. You might feel fine within a few days, you might feel like you've been hit by a bus, you'll probably be somewhere in between.
2. Don't worry about this at all. Your main aim is to get through each day.
3. Some people choose to co-sleep, newborns don't always like being put in the moses basket - you'll figure out what works for you.
4. Yes, it's crazy, but yes.
5. You don't. You just have to agree to forgive each other for being cranky when you're exhausted.

It'll be OK

1. It depends. From personal experience, I needed about a week, but that was with episiotomy stitches that broke down. Other people heal much more quickly. Try to eat well and use a stool softener if you need to.

1. Don't worry about a routine for a while yet. Your baby will guide you. At the most, try to get them to understand the difference between day and night by keeping lights low/reducing interaction at night

1. Everyone has different preferences (and different babies!) For the first night or two, DP had to take it in turns to hold DS as he refused to sleep in his moses basket. However that only lasted a few days and we had no problems getting him to sleep in it after that. Getting him to stay asleep was a different matter!

1. Yup. You'll be fine!
2. Keep communication open. Although you will still enter into a weird competition about who is more tired!

Thank you so much- the straightforwardness is helpful-
Am actually terrified and don't think this is a normal level of scared before having a baby!
Genuinely not sure if I can do it 😫

1. This really varies. But I would say as a standard get yourself a little first aid kit together (paracetamol, maternity pants, big black knickers, tucs pads (for stitches), squirty bottle for weeing, some cooling spray). Also start on perineal massage if you haven't already and don't forget your pelvic floor!

1. Just feed on demand in the beginning. Work on keeping nighttime boring and dark and day time fun and light. But other than that just follow their lead. They will hopefully go back to sleep after every feed at the start 🤞🏻.

1. If baby will settle in the basket then absolutely put them back. My son was surprisingly accepting of being laid down after being fed. I remember being shocked. If they won't settle, just do what you need to do! Read up about safe cosleeping so you don't accidentally practice unsafe cosleeping.

1. I know right. Who decided this?! Why are we being trusted?!

1. Have a talk now before baby is here. Make it clear to him you're both going to feel very snappy due to tiredness. But some arguments will happy. Just forgive each other. And remember it will pass and one day you will have your evenings back!

Gah I did do paragraphs. Sorry!

P.s I'm expecting no 2 in June... Equally terrified 😊

@MsChatterbox thank you!
It's sort of reassuring to see that all of you guys have survived..!

Hi OP. I've just had my first baby who is now 3 weeks old. I also dont have a mum around. You are going to be fine.

1. It really depends on your labour. I had a natural uncomplicated borth and was discharged the next day. Stock up on painkillers, maternity pads for home. You will get advice about recovery. Cook food now ir get frozen/ready meals in and tins of snacks. Brace your DP to help you.

1. We have no routine yet though we are getting used to feeding intervals. It really is just a cycle of eat/burp/sleep/nappy at the moment.

1. Yes that's what we do although I've been downstairs or in spare room so one if us can get some sleep. Even sleeping newborns make alot of noise and it can take a while to feed/settle. Do what works for you. You will work this out over the first few days.

1. Yes and you will be fine. Tour midwife and health visitor schedule may have changed but I have found if I ask for help they come. Call them if you need anything. Also in the current situation there are tonnes of support and advice groups and live videos cropping up on facebook and youtube. See what your trust is doing and have a search.

1. You are aware of this so that's the first step! You will argue/bicker. Forgive quickly. If you wind each other up explain why and what you'd prefer. Have those conversations later when you are calm rather than a heated tired exchange. Get out for walks when you are able. Dont try and do what you'd normally do. Just focus on you and the baby.

Good luck. You will be fine. From another clueless first time mum!

I'd also add that a white noise app is your best friend

1. How bad is the recovery period after birth?
2. How soon should I start some sort of routine?
3. Do I put baby in Moses basket after every feed at night?
4. Am I really going to be in charge of looking after a small baby???!?!
5. How do I avoid having arguments with my partner when we're both exhausted?

1. It depends on the birth really. I had an episiotomy and I was very pleasantly surprised by how fairly easy the recovery from that was. The first week was easier than the second though, maybe because during the first week you’re excited and full of adrenaline and then later the sleep deprivation hits you a bit more. I would just remember to go at your own pace - some people feel like they can just carry on as normal straight away, others need a lot of rest. I was kind of in between - just go with what your body wants.
2. My DS was about 11 or 12 weeks, and that involved us kind of falling into one rather than me saying ‘right, we are now going to do this, this and this at these times...’.
3. If possible yes - if you’d rather have cuddles then go for it, but I would just want to get back to sleep! My DS was hard to get back to sleep lying flat after a feed due to reflux.
4. Yes! But that’s ok - you’re it’s mum, you’re the best person for that job
5. I wouldn’t anticipate arguments - me and DH didn’t really have any. If anything you might be too exhausted to argue in the first place, save your energy.

Just remember, it’s perfectly fine to not know what you’re doing a lot of the time. You learn on the job and babies are very resilient when it comes to first time parenting mishaps!

1. How bad is the recovery period after birth?

Depends on the birth - bad one here plus complications afterwards so took ages. I was unlucky I guess. It's hard because you're so bloody tired too.

1. How soon should I start some sort of routine?

I followed baby's lead but by 3-4 months we had a little routine going but they change all the flipping time in that first year so you need to be flexible and adapt!

1. Do I put baby in Moses basket after every feed at night?

I did.

1. Am I really going to be in charge of looking after a small baby???!?!

Yep. I know, there should be like a test or something but there's not.

1. How do I avoid having arguments with my partner when we're both exhausted?

You can't. Talk to each other, give each other time off and time to sleep, remember to give each other affection - you spend all day cuddling a tiny baby but it's actually nice to hug your OH!

Not stupid questions at all. All good advice but mainly this

newborns don't always like being put in the moses basket - you'll figure out what works for you.

If I had a pound for every thread on here that is the gist of 'my baby only wants to sleep on me! What am I doing wrong?'

1. Recovery completely depends on your labour and circumstances going home. It's also worth keeping in mind it's mental recovery as well as physical. Especially for the first time, it's a massive change in your life, to your body and sometimes trauma during labour and it can be massive to process and come to terms with. I had a straightforward, fairly short labour which was amazing but I had a second degree tear. The first night I was running on adrenaline but when I got home, the pain and the sleep deprivation hit me, plus my partner going back to work straight away so that I became a crying mess for ages afterwards which at times was worse than the physical. Use as much support around you as you can.

2. We're nearly 8 weeks in and only just getting into some sort of routine but it's not formal and fully prepared for it to change when he dictates! Just do the basics to meet their needs first of all and they'll let you know when they're ready

3. We've got a baby who will spit up a little bit if put down immediately after feeding and winding so we found keeping him on us for a little bit afterwards helps. Hopefully you'll have a baby that wants to sleep again after every feed!

4. Yes, you expect a test or instructions but no, baby is yours, get on with it ha! Trust in yourself, don't expect miracles and remember your baby only knows your way of doing things so they don't know if you do something 'wrong'. Take each day at a time learning about each other.

5. You can't stop arguments unfortunately! The best thing you can do is always try and communicate but don't expect everything to be perfect. It's a massive shock it not just being the pair of you anymore, thst your time together is spent with baby now and I particularly struggled with my appearance and feeling unattractive (which is ridiculous after just giving birth and having an amazing baby but hey!)

Enjoy every minute but don't feel pressured if you don't, it can be an emotional rollercoaster

1. Lots of good advice on this thread already. Depends on what type of birth and what you consider 'recovered'.

1. Whenever it works for you to have routine- ignore all other opinions on the subject.

1. Do whatever works. Read up on safer cosleeping if you want to bed share (and even if you don't, in case you fall asleep with baby in your bed by accident). We didn't bed share but loads of people do.

1. Yep. Believe in yourself!

1. One good rule to have is that any heated words exchanged between you in the middle of the night can't be used against each other later. Whatever happens at 3 am needs to be left at 3 am.

Great thread, first time mum to be following here. Zero advice for you!

1. It very much depends on your birth, I’ve experienced a c section and a vaginal home birth 4 weeks ago. Stock up on plenty of paracetamol, big pants thin maternity pads and have plenty of food in. Salt baths are great for healing and warm water in a squeezy bottle for when you pee as it’s a bit stingy. Also don’t fear your first poo it’s okay just hold something against you like a pad if you need to. Freeze some pads with aloe Vera gel and witch hazel on them it’s very soothing (check out padsicles on google) but most importantly be gentle on yourself. Some people bounce back straight away others take a bit more time. It’s very individual to each person so give yourself time and selfcare.

1. Other than helping baby try and distinguish between day and night go with the flow you could set a bedtime routine but don’t get too fixated on it. Baby will dictate it’s own routine until they are a little bit older.

1. Do what’s right for you some babies settle great others don’t. You’ll figure out what works for your baby.

1. Yes and you will be great

1. You don’t unfortunately everyone argues but let it go especially the rage and the wanting to strangle him at 3am when he’s lying sleeping and your tired. Get him to help you were he can. It’s shared responsibility and he is not doing you a favour, it’s his baby too. Communicate with each other, have a hug and a snuggle don’t forget each other and ultimately remember it gets easier it doesn’t last forever x

Thank you all again!
Another question- when do I introduce a dummy? I'm under the mental health team and they've recommended I do this and combination feed so that I hopefully get a bit more sleep as I'm very prone to severe depression.

We tried him with one when we brought him home. You can get them for the right age range. He'd struggled with feeding and sleeping and we found initially that having the dummy and the sucking action helped him feed and soothe. We don't use it a lot or make him have one but we use it now before a feed on the odd occasion to comfort him so he's calmer before feeding or when he really fights his sleep

1. How bad is the recovery period after birth?

I had a c section, was back to driving within two weeks so recovered quickly.

1. How soon should I start some sort of routine?

I just did as I was told by my DTs when they were newborn. Luckily they made their own routine so I just followed them and it’s working out ok for the most part still.

1. Do I put baby in Moses basket after every feed at night?

Definitely make sure baby is safe and you don’t fall asleep holding baby.

1. Am I really going to be in charge of looking after a small baby???!?!

Hahahaha, yes! You’ll do fantastically, and even when you doubt yourself and feel like a terrible mother just remember to your baby you’re perfect and their world.

1. How do I avoid having arguments with my partner when we're both exhausted?

I’ve no idea. I’ve plotted dh’s death so many times during all those night feeds, had blistering arguments and could quite merrily have left him if it didn’t take two days to pack just to go to the shops with the babies.

We gave our babies dummies when they came home from hospital. One dropped it naturally a few months later, the other still has one now and they’re two (but only at bedtime).

1. Depends on how your birth goes. You can plan but it can go off road. Just be prepared to understand your choices.
2. Allow baby to start routine. Easier to work around baby pattern. First month or two they sleep loads. I have a 4m old and there's a definite 3 hr cycle. So work around that.
3. If that's what you using yes. Some people co sleep or have a next to me cot. My baby didn't itch like the basket she a while. She would back but i doubt if get a full sleep out of her.

1. Yes. I remember being shocked that it was so easy to have this massive responsibility and no one asks you questions!
2. Take time to breath and communicate well. Apologize to each other and make sure you both have some me time. Support each other equally.