Is this normal for a nearly six year old?

[Bluebooby]

Dd turns six in late June. We've been playing games during the lockdown like hiding her toys and finding them, and sometimes I give clues as to where things are hidden and she just can't work them out at all. Also, say she sees me pick up an object from the table and I stay in the room with her the whole time, I can tell her it's upstairs and she will go to look upstairs despite the fact she knows I've not left the downstairs room I'm in with her since picking it up seconds before. I've also got her some activity books aimed at her age group with phonics based activities or number based ones, or even things like spot the difference, and she just doesn't seem to get it.

I don't have very much experience with other children and she's my only child. I'm not a pushy parent or anything, I just want some idea of what "normal" is. She does seem to struggle to focus and she has started to say things about words moving from side to side when we are looking at books, so I plan to get her eyes tested as soon as I can, but with the not getting clues/thinking I've put things upstairs when she knows I've not left the room etc, I just wonder if that's common for her age or if it would be expected that she'd have more of an understanding for things like that by now?

With the clues, can you give an example? It's hard to say whether she should be able to solve the clues without knowing what they are.

I would expect at her age for her to understand that something you've just picked up can't be upstairs. Does she definitely think it's upstairs or could she be playing along/pretending to look upstairs?

It's hard to know whether it's a problem with vision/memory/understanding.

If you ask her to do two things e.g. go upstairs and put this on your bed and then put your socks on, can she do that? Can she remember the two instructions at once?

If you hide something under a cushion while she watches, does she then understand that it's under the cushion? That it hasn't disappeared?

Hi an example of a clue is, we have a very small tree in our garden that looks like a Christmas tree and I'd hidden a toy in its branches - so "something we decorate at Christmas time" - "we put baubles and tinsel on it" etc. Her closest guess was father Christmas.

I would have to try out the two instructions thing but I find it hard to get her to follow one instruction without repeating it several times so I think it would be a struggle. If I hid something under a cushion she'd know it was there - but if I then moved it up my sleeve or something without her seeing and she couldn't find it under the cushion, I could tell her it was another room and she'd go and look for it. She isn't playing along or pretending, she genuinely doesn't seem to understand that it's impossible.

She also struggles with reading, writing and maths. It's as if she will go for ages without understanding something and then one day she will suddenly get it. She's still quite behind her classmates/where she should be, from what I understand.

She's the complete opposite to me as a child. I excelled at school without trying, though I had no imagination and hers is fantastic (imo). She doesn't understand time at all. She just about knows that "yesterday" is in the past but it could be a year ago. She knows that women have babies but she can't seem to grasp that it's impossible for a parent to be younger than their child, or that birthdays happen at the same time every year, or that no matter how many birthdays she has, she won't ever be two or more years older than her friend whose birthday is a month before hers etc - these are not things that I "test" her on, just things that she says. I try to explain but she really doesn't seem able to grasp some concepts.

I just want to make sure I support her in the right way, but without worrying over things I don't need to worry about and without putting unnecessary pressure on her. Her father thinks it doesn't matter and she will get there eventually, I'm sure she will but I can't stop myself from worrying some times.

The words moving on the page thing is a common description given by people with dyslexia.

Have a look at logic games - even Rock, Paper, Scissors - and see if you can help her understand the processing?

Tbh op from what you've said it does sound like her comprehension is below average for her age.

What do her school say? Are they worried?

If it were me I would be looking for her to be assessed maybe by an educational psychologist before too long. If your DH is right then no harm done. If she does have any kind of learning difficulty you want to pick it up as soon as possible.

I would also try and find something that she's really good at and build on that, maybe drama if she's got a great imagination. Or sport, cooking, music anything. If she is going to struggle academically then having something that she's really good at will be important for her self esteem. And if she doesn't struggle academically then.... having a hobby you're good at is still good for your self esteem.

Nearer the start of the school year, her teacher said that dd doesn't listen to/understand group instruction and wasn't doing the work. They'd started going to dd after they'd explained things to the whole class and giving her the instructions one on one and that did the trick. Hopefully when the schools reopen and things have settled down I'll be able to have more of a chat with them about how she's doing. Unfortunately her class teacher left the school and she got a new teacher not long before lockdown started too!

The words jumping around is only something she's started to say recently. She does write a lot of her letters backwards still - d's and b's in particular she really gets confused with. I don't know if that could also be a sign of dyslexia. How do we go about seeing an educational psychologist, would that be via the school or via the gp?

I will try playing rock, paper, scissors with her. She likes to draw so I have been encouraging that. She was doing a karate class which she was very excited by to start with, but again she wasn't really following the instructions and she was struggling to do the moves - I think her motor skills, if that's the correct term, aren't quite what they should be either. There were other children her age in the karate class but she just seemed so young compared to them. I will try and find another hobby for her, but perhaps I need to find something with either a smaller class size so she can keep up. Thank you for all the suggestions.

I would get her assessed when you can, OP. It sounds to me like she may have difficulty processing instructions.

I'm not trained, so please feel free to ignore me but if she were mine I wouldn't wait for the school to have reopened and settled. I would contact the school and ask to speak to her class teacher and tell them that you have some real concerns.

An assessment with an educational psychologist would usually be done through the school. The wait can be very, very long though so I would, as pp said, get on to the school straight away to get the ball rolling. I would also, if it's a possibility for you, look into paying for an assessment privately.

In the meantime I would try and pinpoint exactly what her difficulties are. I would look at the EYFS goals which list developmental goals from birth, across a range of factors (social/emotional, physical, literacy, numeracy etc.) and see where you think she fits. Just to get an idea if she is behind, by how much and is it across the board or just on some measures.

I would try experimenting with some different methods of giving her instructions/information to see if you can pinpoint whether it's an issue with hearing/attention/memory/comprehensionetc.

When giving instructions try:

• making sure you are at her level, close to her and she's looking at you before giving an instruction, see if that makes any difference.

• try getting her to repeat back what you've just said to her.

• try using as few words as possible so instead of 'DD we're going out for our walk now so you need to go and put your shoes on' try 'DD (wait until she looks at you) shoes on please'.

• try printing out simple pictures to help jog her memory/see if visual clues work better than verbal ones. So print a picture of some shoes and when you say to her 'shoes on please' give her the picture to take with her to put her shoes on. You can print (or draw) ones for all the key instructions you give during the day.

• try calling her from different rooms/talking to her when she's facing you/not facing to see if you think there is any issue with her hearing.

I would try these one at a time to see which, if any make a difference and build from there.

The more information you have about the specifics of her issues the better you'll be able to inform the school/argue for any support she needs and also the better you'll be able to help her at home.

Thank you so much for that advice NuffSaidSam. And thanks all, I will contact the school about her. I am glad I checked here as I was worried I was blowing things out of proportion.