Absolutely panic I've done weaning all wrong!

[SuperSunFlower]

I have a 11 month old DD, it's been a struggling feeding her food, started at 6 months, had a few months of little success but prevailed and now she's eating lots which is great.

I'm starting to think about weaning off formula and bottles when she's over a year. In the process of researching that I'm looking at trying to get her to eat more veg etc..... I've realise from my reading that I'VE DONE EVERYTHING WRONG!! I'm in an absolute panic. She starts nursery in a month everyone will think I'm a terrible mum!

Some of the ways I've been terrible:
-she has all meals and snacks in her highchair. I didn't like the mess she made in the living room.
-I discouraged her grabbing and "doing" the spoon herself, I always feed her. She doesn't use the spoon at all.
-everyday I spoon feed her half a jar of 7+baby food at lunch.
-to give her the jar at lunch I give her baby crisps to feed herself, so I can feed her with the spoon in between. She will only allow me to spoon feed her if she's also eating with her hands.
-I don't offer much veg because she doesn't seem to like it. I don't offer it as much as I should be.

Good things I think:
-she is great at eating with her hands, she can pick up half a blueberry!
-loves fruit, after lunch and dinner I give as much as she likes until she looses interest.

Have I ruined the next few years of eating. I'm a crap cook and not eat a varied diet myself. How do I start to fix it? Please help.

Kids should always eat sitting down ideally so as not to choke so you're doing exactly the right thing! I'd try and save yourself some money and get her eating more fresh tastes by doing more stuff prepared ahead and then freeze and you can just microwave as needed in small portions. It's much nicer and cheaper. So many good ideas above. Mine loved chicken and carrot and onion mashed up. Or rice pudding made with whole milk. Really really easy you don't need to be a good cook! Go onto Annabel Karmel and pick up a few recipes. Also they need formula until they're about 2.5. Don't drop that. Mine had a bottle AFTER lunchtime nap if they wanted and then before bed until that age. They need the nutrients.

I wouldn't worry about doing veg specially for her. If you're having a sandwich, give her a sandwich. If you're having soup, feed her soup, don't let her loose with a spoon there's no need to make loads of effort.

Mine were great eaters at 11mo and now they're really fussy so tbh I don't think it makes any difference what you do!

Thank you all for suggests, I'm taking them all onboard. It's good to no I've not got it all wrong.

I'll be seeing how the cafe style works in 2 weeks, very interested. They do it for all age groups I was told. I think she would take to it well anyway, she can't stand anyone having a snack when she isent! For now I'll still continue will all snacks and meals in the highchair.

I thought the advice was that babies shouldn't eat anywhere other than a high chair because of the risk of choking if they're not sitting up or if they're walking around?

You don’t need to be able to cook
To steam vegetables- just wow!

Nursery definitely won’t start in a month, we are probably still on lockdown then. Even countries who are easing the restrictions now, have said nurseries will reopen much later than schools.
Please try and give your DC some vegetables!

Yes stick with the high chair, they soon get used to doing things differently and home and nursery anyway.

You could try giving a spoon to hold whilst feeding, them putting a tiny bit of food onto the spoon so she can put it in herself (or try to) whilst you are ready with the next food.

It will work out itself, try not to worry.

Sorry missed that you are an NHS worker.
I only fed my DC in a high chair, never considered anywhere else.

@AdriannaP I'm finishing mat leave and my nursery is open to key workers. I'll be heading back to my NHS post in a city hospital. Yes I can steam veg, but what I'm giving her she doesn't eat. I didn't learn to cook from anyone I've had to teach myself.

You sound fine! My first had organic home made purées which she hated but loved anything from a jar. My second rejected anything puréed so went straight onto finger food. Both are now good eaters and no longer throw spoons at me. As long as they eat something you are doing brilliantly!

I think a high chair and table is best, food all over the house is just horrible and it means they don't just graze on week old discarded furry raisins.

My son always ate at a table - either high chair at our table or his own little Ikea table and chairs.
But he did feed himself and used a spoon for spoon type foods. Can you start letting your dd do her own spoon a bit? Sounds like she’s keen to feed herself.
Also give her fresh veg like cucumber sticks and halved cherry toms, carrot sticks and sweet peppers. All can be eaten raw at 11 months.

Don't over think it. There are a million weaning methods and no right way. I agonised over weaning my eldest. I breastfed for a year. Read loads of books, did BLW to the letter. After 3 months of BLW he started rejecting everything we gave him. He got anaemic and really poorly. Now he's the fussiest eater in the world.
With DS2 I formula fed after 2 months of bf-ing and currently weaning early (5 months) on purees. We'll see what happens! Either way, I'm not going to beat myself up this time. Your child is well fed and cared for. That's all any nursery wants to see. Good luck!

I wouldn’t stress about it! My DS is also 11 months. Today he had toast and banana for breakfast (I let him feed himself and then mash up and feed him some banana). If he still seems hungry I sometimes give him an Ella breakfast pouch.

Lunch dairylea sandwich, Ella puffs, cucumber. I spoon feed him an Ella yogurt at the end to fill him up.

Dinner baby pasta shells with peas and sweet corn, butter and grated cheese, Ella prune pouch, Heinz baby biscotti

I tend to put some of his food on his tray and I spoon some in too. The pouches I spoon feed too.

He’ll be fine, honest. Good luck with the nursery start, I struggled at first but my eldest just loves nursery so much (he misses it big time!)

@CornedBeef451 I've already caught her eating a dead fly. Thankfully she took it out of her mouth to 'offer' it to me...awww parenting they don't tell you this at NCT

The main thing is to avoid stress or pressure at meal times so do what works for you. You’re not giving her unsuitable salty or sugary foods.

Babies don't need formula until they are 2.5! They don't need it after 1, cows milk is fine (or fortified non dairy or just enough calcium containing food). You can get baby vitamins. Formula isn't essential.

Snacks on the floor? For a baby? Absolutely no way my children gave eaten their meals in a high chair, we eat at the table, it's the same thing.
A baby the age you are talking about needs tocdit still and concentrate with food, eating us complicated and needs coordination. I think you're absolutely right putting your baby in a high chair. Of course feed a child of that age with a spoon, they cant do it themselves and lots would get no food if they had to. Butternut squash, sweet potatoes carrots and parsnips are great. Because they are sweet it's easy to get them into these first, remember the taste and texture (and smell) of jars is really different to fresh good do babies may not like it ok start with but will get used to it. If your child refuses the veg you cook give a bit if jar and a lot of home made on a spoon (like a fruit corner yogurt) to get the idea of the taste. I think you are doing fine fo really wouldnt worry. I used to fo a couple hours of cooking and smashing up loads of different veg and meat etc and making them in little plastic pots from poundland (about the size of a small jar if baby food) I'd just defrost them in the microwave and warm them slightly and give them yo my children. You can easily buy packets of frozen peas , and other veg,(which are actually quite popular as picking up food) and cook and blitz up loads in one go. its really fast. Iceland do frozen butternut squash pre preparedwhuch is good option.
I think you're fine.

@SuperSunFlower ahhh, she likes to share!

In the kindest possible way, you're being completely irrational. What you've described is perfectly normal for traditional weaning, which I think is still far more common in this country than BLW.

Babies shouldn't be moving around and playing whilst eating, that would be a choking risk, so the high hair is the best place for them.

I'd be very surprised if your nursery uses this cafe style approach for the babies, how exactly is that supposed to work if they're not mobile and even for those that are it would be carnage. FWIW, I had the opposite problem with one of the nurseries we visited - we did BLW weaning but they spoon fed as standard (she was 18 months), and then when I asked them not to spoon feed her they kept stopping her from tipping the food out of the bowl 🤷‍♀️

Meant to add, if she wants the spoon then is let her have one to use as well (the sooner she masters that the sooner your hands are free for you to eat 😂) abd keep offering veg even if she doesn't eat it, their tastes change all the time.

All that seems fine, though really you should be starting to offer her normal food now, not jar food. I've never fed any food sitting around on the floor and I've done baby-led weaning with 2 dc. Why would you do that? It just encourages random mindless snacking. The only people I know who did that did it because their children had food aversions and they were trying to get them to mindlessly eat new things. Both of mine always ate in a high chair unless we were out and about (having a picnic outside, etc.)

She will need to get used to eating real food as there won't be jars of baby food at nursery. She'll be offered normal things, so hopefully you are also offering her what you eat. It doesn't have to be fancy. Just normal food. If you don't cook, now is the time to learn because she obviously will need to eat as she grows up and no time is better than now to get into the habit.

I wouldn't worry about nursery. Our nursery takes exactly that approach, but they don't sit at the tables and help themselves until they are much older. Mine couldn't even walk til 1.5, so obviously couldn't be serving themselves. They sit them at little highchairs and offer them food to feed themselves same as you do at home. Give her the spoon and she'll learn to feed herself, but it's still early for that. I encouraged all self-feeding and never helped, but still mine didn't use any cutlery til probably 13-16 months (and certainly not very well). They'll use their hands if they need it and that's fine.

I think what you've done is fine. I've muddled through weaning with both my boys - one eats everything and loves vegetables, the other is fussy as hell. You get what you get!

Just another tip from a practical perspective. I have always really stressed about choking (I know it’s really rare but I’ve got a thing about it!) so when I can’t do cooked veg or soft fruit I grate things like carrot and apple. They play with it a fair bit but makes it feel safer for me and not too much prep required!

There is no wrong way as long as you aren’t feeding them high fat, salt or sugar foods all the time.

Parenting books are mostly judgey bollocks anyway.

Baby led weaning is not the holy grail!

It's been great hearing from "normal" mums and it's really put my mind at rest. I don't want to rush her and make eating really stressful for either of us. So I'm going to sneak some veg in, give her a spoon and not change too much too fast. I was definitely being irrational! I wish they came with a manual 😂

Not sure when we'd get a chance to read the manual anyway 😂