Dd's fear of sitiing on the toilet

[Flik]

My Dd1 is 4 and just started school. She has been toilet trained for over a year but has recently developed a fear of sitting on the toilet. She quite litrely stands to wee and poo. Of course this is resulting in a big mess on toilet seat and her knickers. She has a stool and can touch it while sitting but will not now sit on the loo. She also won't go to the toilet at school which means that today on the way home she was slowly wetting herself. What can I do, any advise and comments would be appreciated. Thanks

Has this started as a result of starting school or are the two unrelated?

It started about the same time a few weeks ago, There has been absoloutly no problems for a whole year. I've tried to get it out of her and help her but she just screams her head off. Which is causing dd2 to scream (18months follows her everywhere) the whole thing is getting a bit stressful to be honest.

Yes I can imagine. Have you tried asking your dd if something happened when she used the loos at school? I know of loads of children who will not use the loos at school because they are so disgusting. The other idea I have is that maybe she had a painful poo and she is now scared of having another one. (It can hurt less to go standing up than sitting down.) Any of this been discussed already?

BTW don't try discussing it when she is in the throes of screaming or using the loo. Wait for a calm moment, but I am sure that has occurred to you already.

Thanks Lonelymum, It all got a bit much today and came to ahead. I think over the weekend we will casually bring it up again during a 'happy' moment. Might see if dh being there will help, he's the calm one in the family. Maybe I should ask to see the Loo's at school tomorrow, do you think that's inapropiate?

Still need advise on this one. Spoke to teacher this morning as dd had not been to the toilet since 2am (potty in room as bathroom downstairs) and had refused to go that morning. teacher say's that dd never goes when at schl. All the children are taken before lunch to the toilet and to wash hands, but dd always insists she does'nt want to go.

I asked them to ensure dd went today as she had not yet been. When i picked her up teacher said that there had been hysterical crying and screaming at toilet time, she was obviously desperate for the loo and in pain but refused to sit on the toilet. In the end teacher insisted she went but allowed to do her standing hovering on seat thing which of course meant it went all over seat, knickers etc.

The 3 of us went into toilets to see if dd would show us she did'nt like but it all got very stressful for her. In the end I brought her home and told teacher I would try to deal with it over the weekend. Poor dd endend up wetting herself on the way home again, the only time she had a wee after that was in the bath with her sister, which i was not impressed with.

Sorry this is long, but I don't know how to deal with this now. Do I take softly softly approach or be hard. Im worried I made it worse the other day by being hard with her. Any help would be great. I am actually worried about taking her out for long periods now over the weekends in case she needs the loo.