Lazy fathers

[MammaTay]

Ok, this may be a controversial one, but since he's been furloughed, I've only just realised how disengaged my husband is with parenting our daughter and how much he leaves up to me. He spends 98% of his time on his phone (which annoys me SO much) and will think nothing of plonking her in front of the television for the majority of her day. I basically have to prepare a daily itinerary for them so that they have activities to do that are appropriate for her. He just ignores her or insists that he suddenly has to go to the toilet if she wants to do something with him. It breaks my heart when I see or hear him behaving like this with her but when I discuss it with him he just feels attacked. I'm losing my patience and am conflicted as I'm pregnant at the moment and am still working. Before lockdown she would go to preschool three days of the week and the rest of the time would be with me so you'd think that he'd be relishing this quality time together with his daughter before the new baby is born but he just acts like it's all a massive inconvenience. Is anyone else going through anything similar? Any advice on how to get him more engaged with her?? Thanks so much!

Have you had told him how you feel?

@JiltedJohnsJulie Yes, but he is generally dismissive about it which is frustrating. He occasionally gets a run of good intention and starts off the day full of gusto but quickly falls back into his usual routine

My DH can be lazy but is actually better if I don't try and organise them. At the moment he's gone so has the Organised Mum Method which he does daily. He really does need to stop the phone habit though. How will his DD feel if she thinks she is second best to an electronic device?

This would drive me insane. Can you suggest a no screen day?

My exh was like this bit better if I didn't get involved but I recognise the interpreting 'caring for' as 'preventing them dying but nothing else'

but @JiltedJohnsJulie it's not down to her to tell him how she feels. It's not her responsibility . He's presumably not stupid, can see what parenting involves, has some common sense and knows that his daughter is better with interaction. It's just laziness not lack of knowledge.

i'm sorry OP, no advice. Maybe tell him that he has every morning and there is no screen time. Or something like that. But God how annoying.

I agree that it is lazy but surely part of parenting involves talking to one another? How can the OP being resentful and not talking to her DH about how she feels be beneficial to either of them?

Explain to him exactly how you feel, how worried you are, how you notice him running to the toilet when he has to spend time with her, everything. As in, a proper 'we need to talk'. Maybe it just hasn't sink in for him, or he is replicating his own relationship with his father.