I feel like I'm failing, help please.

[letitpea]

Im sorry if this is long. I've just sobbed in front of my children, for the first time ever. I'm single, they are 3 and 4. Usually, 1 at school, 1 does a couple if days pre school. I work part time. We are fairly busy. Now, obviously no school or pre school.and I am WFH on the days their dad has them (2 seperate days a week) and some evenings. So like everyone else, am struggling a bit, to fit everything in and have lost my down time. I'm not making excuses, just trying to set the scene.

We have animals and live rurally , so plenty of outdoor time. We do fun stuff , crafts, glue, glitter, baking, Lego etc. They watch tv. They have minimal tart time because they're not really interested. I feel like they're Gary having fun. They seem so bloody ungrateful. I don't expect gratitude, but not do I expect them to be so shitty about things. I know (I know) they're young. I know. And I know these are unusual.times. The 3 yr old is really really advanced in his speech. Yet screams at any given opportunity. Not just for a minute. For ages. And it drives me up the wall. I know I should probably ignore it, but equally, he's perfectly capable of stopping it if he wants. He smacks, bites, kicks etc. Every single time I pull him.up.on it. The 4 yr old pisses him off, he retaliates. I spend my days talking to 1 about not smacking, biting etc nd the other about not bossing his brother about, not taking toys etc. It makes no difference.

We've had a nice evening. Got ready for bed, watched a film, had some treats. Cone upstairs, 3 yr old wants 4 yr olds tot and screams incessantly, trying to smack me in the face repeatedly. He was on the loo so I couldn't leave him (recenty potty trained so needs help) I shouted at him. Really shouted. And then cried.

I start every day with great intentions. Have a few activities to choose from. Trying to be pretty laid back about things like housework. Yet it's still.all there to be done. I'm not fussy but I'm not dirty and there's just no time.

I don't know what I'm.asking. I need some guidance.

It's not all bad, really.

That does sound hard. Can you talk to your 3yo when he’s calm? Try and let him do more of the talking.
One thing I found useful was to get a big sofa cushion and hold it and let them punch it as hard as they wanted. So it’s ok to be angry, but it’s not ok to hurt other people or yourself. The sofa cushion method really did work, but you have to hold it, you need to witness and somehow contain their feelings.
None of it is personal. Do not take it personally. Look after yourself, be kind to yourself, you are doing a great job.

@letitpea
Just tagging you so you know you have a reply. Hang on in there, it’s going to be ok.

Could you separate them for a day? You take one and dad takes the other? Maybe they need one on one attention and the cabin fever of lockdown prevents this and intensifies them being together all day?

Then swap about and dad takes the other one. Change of routine and when you do have just the one do something different with them. Go on a new walk, buy a new toy online and play with it with him?

Ah @letitpea you sound like you are doing really well considering these awful circumstances! 3/4 year olds unfortunately know how to push buttons - DS1 now 5 was hard work a lot then, also spoke really well but could be so difficult, generally he is much easier now though the enforced time at home seems to have caused a slight regression at times. Sounds like you are doing so much with them and your location sounds idyllic! Give yourself a break and if there is more TV than normal to allow you a bit of a break then I would go for it Xxx

Hello, thank you for the replies. I just feel so awful, the 3 yr old said "don't cry mummy" and then his brother kept making kissing noises at me. @RickOShay I actually tried the cushion thing this morning, he was most amused by it, so it distracted from the screaming. I'll keep trying it.

I can't ask for anything more from their dad. He lives with his parents and uses anything and everything against me. I'm dreading one of them saying something to him about me getting angry and upset.

I'll keep on keeping on, there not much else for it. I just need some strategies really.

That’s good you gave it a go!
I have 2 boys with a similar age gap, I know what it’s like.
I also think the idea of trying to spend one to one time is good.
You can do this.