Breastfeeding exhaustion

[WillyMilly]

Hello,

This is my first post here so please be kind I'm at my wits end after trying everything so thought I'd turn to the collective wisdom of Mumsnet! I'm a new mum and really struggling to breastfeed my 6 week old DS and everyday is an such ordeal, I'm emotionally exhausted and tempted to throw in the towel but wondering if there's something out there I haven't tried.

A bit of background... After bringing DS home 2 days after an uneventful ELCS, he was very sleepy and barely waking up to feed and as a result when my milk came in I became very engorged. I realised that he wasn't taking milk off my breast and due to engorgement and blocked ducts I had to express and gave it to him with a bottle. He absolutely wolfed it down which made me realise that he mustn't have been able to latch properly and must have been so hungry after a couple of days. I continued to try and breastfeed, seeking advice from HVs, MWs and even a specialist whilst continuing to bottle feed him over night and am still struggling so much 6 weeks later. I felt I needed to bottle feed over night as we both needed the break and energy to continue to try on the breast the next day.
Some tries he seems to get it absolutely perfectly but 9/10 it goes t*ts up!! Most of the time he'll latch, pull off and cry and then continue to cry/scream every time I bring him to the breast. He pulls, strains and arches his back as he's feeding. I'll comfort him and he'll start rooting, I offer the breast and he'll head butt my nipple or mouth at my nipple and start screaming again without ever latching on. I think I might have a fast flow, perhaps due to the pumping- and he might have bad wind. I burp him all the time, tried all sorts of positions and leaning back but can't seem to find the answer. He often cries a lot with the bottle as well as he gulps down lots of air and I'm forever burping him and using infacol which helps a little but not a lot. What should be a comfort is turning out to be traumatising for us both and I just don't know how or if I should even bother carrying on and just bottle feed him expressed?! Sorry for the epic essay
TIA

So sorry you've had a difficult start. If he takes in a lot of air with the bottle too, has he been checked properly for Tongue Tie?

Sorry you’re struggling, and well for asking for help.

Firstly, yes have you had a tongue tie double checked?

Also wolfing down a bottle doesn’t mean they haven’t been getting enough at the breast. Milk goes does completely differently with a bottle and they don’t really have any choice but to swallow.
Fussing on the breast doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong either. Getting milk out of a breast is more work than out of a bottle.

Go on YouTube and search the Positive Birth Company. They’ve just done two really helpful breastfeeding workshops which I think you’ll find really helpful. Breastfeeding peer support groups on Facebook are also really helpful as well.

The National Breastfeeding Helpline is also still going every day www.nationalbreastfeedinghelpline.org.uk/

Thank you for you responses!

The lactation consultant checked him for tongue tie a few weeks ago and didn't spot anything but I think I'm going to get him checked at the drs when I get the chance.

I know babies cry but the fact he pulls off and cries at every feed makes me worry that there could be something going on. There are just so many potential issues going on that being isolated from everyone makes it impossible to work out as a first time mum...!

He’s probably pulling off and crying because he’s used to the faster flow of the bottle compared to the boob. Are you using a newborn teat and paced feeding?

Gulping down air makes me wonder if there’s a tongue tie too.

Hi thanks ClaraLane! Yes we've been using MAM anti colic bottles with slow flow teats the whole time and he's a big boy at 5.7kg so I assumed it wouldn't cause him a problem...

And thanks for your recommendations BuffaloCauliflower, I've given the helpline a call and will have a look at those YouTube videos when I get the chance. The weird thing is that SOMETIMES it goes perfectly with him and I'll get 15mins on each boob with not a whiff of drama but 9/10 it's a total meltdown.. it just baffles me!

Fab! Have you had a look on Instagram at Milk Making Mama? She’s a lactation consultant and gives all sorts of good information.

A GP won't be able to properly assess for a tongue tie, you need a specially trained practitioner. Your local hospital/health visiting service should have infant feeding coordinators who can either assess or advise and refer. Unfortunately many of these services are on hold due to Covid but it's still worth discussing with your HV.

When you described becoming really engorged that sounded completely normal. It doesn't mean your LB wasn't getting milk before that point. It can make it trickier for babies to latch but usually with a bit of hand expressing your breasts should become soft enough to do so.

I second looking up paced bottle feeding. It is tricky for babies to switch between the two as BF is harder work for babies, they have to move their jaw and tongue in a coordinated way. It's not as difficult to get milk from the bottle.

Keep doing lots of skin to skin. Try feeding in upright positions (google koala hold and biological nursing) if you think you have a fast let down and baby is choking. Gravity will then help reduced the flow a bit. You can also start the feed off by expressing into a muslin until the initial let down slows, then try latching baby. Other things which can work are block feeding, when you do two feeds from the same side in a row, so the let down isn't as strong on the second feed.

Keep reaching out for support. You are doing a fab job, it's so so hard when you are both still learning the ropes! Plus the exhaustion of everything. It's rewarding but my god I do not miss it!

Really random but have you tried using a nipple shield? I found some similar issues when I started breastfeeding, generally latching issues and then fast flow with engorged breasts. The nipple shields helped my baby generally transition from.bottle to breast really easily,.helped the flow slow down and then after a month I weaned off of them.. you're doing a great job!

OP one other thing to try is expressing a bit off just before you feed. If you have over supply or are engorged he may be finding it hard to get a good latch or the flow may be too fast for him. My LO always feeds so much better after i express (my DH gives him a bottle every day and I express). The feeds my LO has when the boob is not engorged are much better.
Worth a try... if you are expressing you probably do have a bit of over supply (I do too).

I could have written your post (apart from I didnt have a c section, but the rest is identical!)

My DD is 9mo now. I had exactly the same issue as you when she was born. She was small, sleepy and just wouldn't do it. So I expressed for 6 weeks and fed her with a bottle which she wolfed down as well.

As soon as my DD had put on a few pounds, it's like she woke up and suddenly had the energy and strength to do it. One day I put her on the boob and she just did it of her own accord.

My advice would be ditch the books and specialists. Which I know is treason on MN, but the more advice I sought from professionals the most stressed I got. So I ditched them after a couple of weeks. They don't have all the answers, and they dont know your baby.

If I were you I would regularly express to keep up supply; every 4 hours throughout the day and once at night if you can. Splash out on a good electric pump (I used calypso) if you can afford it as well as a steriliser.

Now and then, in a relaxed way, pop your baby on the boob and see what happens. I suspect he is like my DD and will simply do it when he is ready.

That way he still gets the nutrients etc and you dont get too stressed which really affects supply.

If after another few weeks he still hasn't got the hang of it, I would either commit to expressing or mix feed. Please dont let this ruin precious time with your newborn like I had seen so many times!

Agree that nipple shields may be worth a try. My first child was having none of breast feeding and without my MIL around, who is a lactation specialist, I'm sure I would have given up. We tried all sorts, just as you have, but nipple shields were what got us there and we went on to feed happily for a long time. Also, I hated reading this advice when my babies were small, but feeding in the night is quite important to establishing breastfeeding and perhaps your baby is a bit sleepier then and it may be less of an ordeal for you? I can absolutely see you would want and need a break at some point though, but could you try the bottle in the day or early evening? Tongue tie also sounds like it's important to check out, although I don't know how easy that is at the moment. My third child had the kind that is harder to spot, feeding him was an agonising fuss but once his tongue tie was snipped at 3 weeks it made a massive difference. You can look for practitioners local to you here www.tongue-tie.org.uk/find-a-practitioner/ If you can afford it and assuming they are still working, it is much quicker to have it done privately, getting it done on the NHS Is quite protracted and you have already been struggling for a while. Finally - well done carrying on until 6 weeks with what sounds like a tough time. Once you get it it's wonderful, but remember that should not be at the expense of you coping if that's what it comes to.

I could have written your post 8 months ago. Breastfeeding as a new mum can be so challenging at times. Feeding is a very emotive subject but what’s important to remember is a fed baby is a happy baby so don’t feel you have to justify yourself for giving a bottle in the evening. If that’s what you need to do for your own sanity carry on doing it.

With regards to the breastfeeding, it takes time for the baby and the mum to learn, as it’s a new thing for both of you. A really great website is Kelly Mom it has some great help guides on different positions, latching, etc.

kellymom.com/category/bf/

It’s a challenging time to be a new mum not being out to get out and see people face to face but you are doing the right thing by reaching out for help.