All of you hands with more than one dc - what do I need to think about/do/organise etc etc before I find myself a mother of two in 6 weeks time and give me your tips on life with two dcs.

[MrsFogi]

When dd1 arrived it was like a car-crash I was woefully unprepared for life with a baby (somehow I thought my life would remain as organised as it was and that I'd get so much done on maternity leave, needlesstosay I got a big shock). Anyway no regrets and 19 months down the line I'm awaiting the arrival of dd2 but this time my eyes are wide open to the fact that babies don't just fit into life. So, what do I need to sort out in my couple of weeks of maternity leave prior to the arrival and what do I need to know about having two babies rather than one?
Also, I'm having a c.s. so any tips on how to deal with recovering from a c.s. whilst looking after a toddler?

Typing too fast the title should of course refer to "old hands"!

My DC are 19 months apart so it is do-able!

DD gave DS a present when she arrived.

I briefed everyone who came to visit the new baby that they had to make huge fuss of DS first before the new baby.

Involve DD1 in caring for the baby and get her "helping" you.

A stock of new DVDs so you can have her entertained whilst you feed.

I found that a new baby did fit in - came along in car seat/pram to mother and toddler groups etc

I tried to get us all to have a nap/"quiet time" after lunch every day - just so I could have 30/45 mins resting up.

Lower your standards on housekeeping/cleaning & laundry. Babygros do not have to be ironed, DH will have to heat up own meals etc

But it is fab and a brilliant age difference.

I second everything that claricebean has written, especially making sure the friends and relatives make a fuss over your DD not the baby. The baby won't notice but your DD sure will. I often take a wee gift for the older child if a friend has a baby.

If you have a Granny/friend who can help you a bit, ask them to take the baby for a walk in the pram to give you some time with DD rather than getting them to take DD out.

I did some cooking before and froze casseroles etc. so that I just had to pop something in the oven.

And if anyone offers help, accept! My mum was great, did the ironing and helped with the housework.

Mine are a little further apart (23 months) but here's my advice.

For the first 3 weeks, after DD1 had gone to bed we indulged DD2 in lots of attention and spent time getting to know our new baby. BUT the trouble started when we wanted to go to bed as the baby didn't. Trying to get her asleep at 11/12pm when I was exhausted nearly killed me. It would take forever, then she would wake for a feed when I'd just dropped off. Dh and i carried on with 4 hours sleep a night at first. We were so tired that poor DD1 would wake up in the morning and be playing for well over an hour and we wouldn't hear her!

So the HV suggested I put the baby to bed when the other one went, and at 3 weeks old she had a bath with her sister, a story and a feed and went down at 7pm. It took 3 days of doing the bedtime routine to get her baby clock sorted and I haven't looked back since.

Next time (if there is a next time ) I will do that alot sooner. I missed the time alone with her, but I regained my sanity.

Oh don't iron any baby clothes apart from dresses.

Organise online grocery shopping.
Make sure you have enough nappies so you don't have to go out.

that's the same gap as my teo and it is hard.

the best preparation you can do is get your dd1 a baby doll (if you haven't already) and talk to her about how much care babies need.

also buy (and hide) your dd1 a new book or two that you can read while feeding dd2.

oh yeah - also cook and freeze. or better still, persuade your dh to cook and freeze.

Second (or is it third now?) everything that claricebeansmum said. Would just add that although mine are slightly further apart (almost exactly 2 years) I think the small-ish gap is fantastic and now that Ds is 8 months, life has settled into a beautiful, fun and fairly blissful state (it was bloody chaos for the first 6 months though!!!). I found that my DD1 adored my DS (perhaps because we did a lots of what claricebeansmum suggested about making a fuss of the eldest) so she has never expressed any resentment.

On a practical note, a sling is really useful as you can put the baby in that for the first few weeks and only have to take out your normal buggy (just remembered what you said about CS - not sure if heavy doublebuggy or baby-wearing is worse? Sorry)and I bought a large-ish ordinary bag with lots of pocket and out in my changing mat from my first changing bag so that I could fit both childrens things in one bag. Depending on the development of your eldest, a buggyboard might be useful if she can safely hold on, certainly something to think about as she gets older.

Being totally honest, I found DS's arrival harder than DD because I felt guilty in the early days that he just had to fit in with our life and wasn't as celebrated, somehow, as DD was. I've got over that and see now that he gets so much from DD that he cannot possibly be missing out, they adore each other and hearing them giggling together is the best thing ever. Relax, enjoy them together and individually and don't worry about a thing, it all works out brillinatly after the initial adjustment period.

My 2 oldest are exactly 2 years (to within 3 days) of each other. Dc3 arrived 22 months after that - so I had 3 kids under 4 for a while!

My biggest help was the 'feeding box'

I had a box - a small cardboard box - and in it was :

pencils
paper
couple of fave books
small cuddly toy
jigsaw type puzzle suitable for 2 yo
photo book of family inc grandparents and new baby
snacks (nice things - eg fruit, raisins, breadsticks (dd1's fave) and a daily small sweet treat) replenished after every feed.

then - every time new baby neded a feed it was a treat! We would get outthe 'baby feeding box' and toddler would rummage in, have fun, eat snacks, read books with me, all whil e I was breastfeeding younger sibling.

It seriously worked for months as long as I was careful to rortate items about every week and keep snacks replenished! Its my top next child tip.

Just also wanted to say that you should line up hlp if you might need it. We found the jump from 1-2 harder than having the first, as dd1 was pretty demanding, turning 2, and you cnat get all the sleep you do with the first as you have a toddler to entertain!

Al the best!

Wow what a fantastic idea never heard of or thought of before! Just found out m pg with no2 so will remember that one! Well done!

If you have the time, there is a really good book called 'Three Shoes, One Sock and No Hairbrush' which is about the transition from one child to two.

The good thing about a second child is that isn't quite a shock as you can cope with the practicalities. You know how to change a nappy, dress a baby, the basics of breastfeeding.

If it all gets a bit much make sure that you don't sit down to feed the baby without the tv remote control and a book to amuse your older child and make sure that she is unlikely to want a drink or something to eat or you won't get any peace.

Good luck - it will be fun!!

It was bloody hard work and incredibly stressful as I remember, but lots of other mums seem to find it a breeze. The DSs are aged 3.6 and 18 months now and are a right pair of monkeys when together, but DS1 found it very hard in the early months (well, whole of first year really). Didn't help that DS2 started crawling/pulling up/walking so early and created major chaos and major incidents, grabbing DS1's toys and spoiling his games.

One thing I wish I'd done was to buy a baby doll and buggy and some accessories, clothes, nappies, bottle etc, so that DS1 could have looked after his own baby, I think that would have helped.

Just read the post about not ironing baby clothes! Am struggling to conceive of anybody ever having time/inclination to iron baby clothes ever! Why would you?? But maybe that's just me (see threads passim about my horrific ironing related injuries).

I don't iron my cothes either Spiker but didn't want fellow posters to think I was sluttish non-ironing mother .

I have a 12 month gap between my two. It only really got better when ds2 was 18 months old I'm afraid!

My advice would be to take all the help on offer. I have no family near me at all and really struggled at first. I have a wonderful cleaner who adores children and a p/t nanny.

I have 20 months between my first two and then 3 years 2 months between my second and third. The bigger gap has been easier but I do like the smaller gap as well. It was hard at the time but doable.

Expecting second and DD will be 18 months when number 2 arrives. I was just wondering what sort of dolls people have bought for their children at this sort of age to help with transition to being an older sibling, and how fancy does it need to be? Am wondering if I would be best geting an all-singing all-dancing Baby Annabelle/ Tiny Tears equivalent (at eye-popping price) even though they are recommended for 3 years plus, or will my 18 month old be happy with a basic doll to carry round? Dont know if at 18 months she will be wanting/ able to do things like changing her doll's nappy while I change baby/ push doll round in a pram etc.

Would be really interested to hear what anyone thinks.

Or am I getting way too obsessed about the detail here?!

The first couple of months can be bloody hard work. Cut yourself some slack and accept that DD1 may well watch rather a lot of TV at first, ironing and cleaning may not get done and none of you may be dressed before lunchtime for the first month.

But that's fine.

Accept all offers of help, get your groceries delivered and try and get outside at least once a day for a bit of fresh air - it stops the cabin fever setting in.

I had a section for DD3 and had a disabled DD2 to look after too - my advice is to take all help offered (again) and think ahead. Put a low stool next to the bath and sofa so DD1 can climb up/in herself with you not lifting. A V-pillow was fab for me to breastfeed on as it supports the baby and relieves the weight on your wound. Buy some new books for DD1 to read whilst you are feeding/cuddling, or some sticker books and puzzles for quiet time when baby is sleeping and you can lie down with her and do quiet stuff.

Also post section take your painkillers regularly at first whether you have pain or not - it keeps on top of the pain and makes it easier to manage. It's far better to be on top with pain relief than wait until you are in pain and then have to wait for painkillers to kick in.

my 18 month old showed no interets whatsoever in his newborn brother. he only got annoyed with him when he was 6 montshold and sitting up and TOUNCHING THINGS

we had a house full of dolls due to 4yo sister and he didnt make any connection. sorry misty

my 21 months old child is scared of baby annabelle noises

you are not obsessed, you are thinking of how to help your child = good mummy

sorry typing one hamded due to bf

oh the prsesnt thing is shit imo

al ill say is oyu need tiem alone afetr the birth as a family

and also bath the baby in with the big one

yeah, when the baby is 6 months. not now

nope
from birth
my eldest loved it

yes have stuck DS in the bath with DD right from the start (originally as couldn't be arsed to do 2 baths). has been a great hit with both of them

mistythistle - basic doll will do. DD couldn't care less that the nappy she has is way too big for the doll, and anyway half the time it's hapless cuddly toys being fed/stuck in the pram/having their nappies changed

MrsFogi - 2nd babies DO fit in, they have to! also bear in mind you already have routines etc. set up and you're used to having a small child around and your whole life is geared to that - so it is less of a shock having a baby about

(says MrsJC with a grand total of 7 months experience in this)

Ours are 17 months apart (if my calculations are correct). The first year after the second child was born, was not a good year.

It is well worth it now though.

If you are having visitors in the hospital or at home right after baby is born you could get your first born to show the visitor the baby. You could say things like this is our first born's little sister/brother.

Make lots of readymade meals for the freezer.

Accept help when offered.

Just accept that you are going to be tired and it is okay.