Why I am finding it so hard to decide whether to have no 3 or not?

[PetitFilou1]

I thought I has decided - now when dh says lets go for it - I haven't actually managed to make the appointment to get my coil taken out. That indicates to me that underneath I must have doubts.

Tbh I am sh*t scared of going through the first year again, repeating the SPD at the end of my pregnancy (my back is only just better and dd is 2) and creating a middle child out of my fairly angelic dd2. My sister was a nightmare middle child.

I am 35 though and don't feel I have time to waste. Also if we don't do it now I think I'm pretty much not going to want to. But 2 feels so few to me! (and too neat because they are one girl, one boy)

Oh someone put me out of my misery please. This is all I can think about - day in, day out. And I am starting to bore even myself...

Oh dear - this is me too.
It's like a pendulum swinging every day.

I'm 34 and I also feel like I don't have time to waste - dd is 3.5 and ds is 18 months. Career is on the up, although al that will stand still with a 3rd. It all feels so neat, too neat sometimes, as you say.

Can't stand the idea of another pregnancy though

Just signing in as another one in this dilema. Am ignoring it in the hope that the answer suddenly happens. Or something

Must be a mid-30s thing!

I'm going to but there are other reasons; if I was still with dh (father of dds) I don't think I would consider it but then again babies are so lovely I'd probably still be feeling broody.

My worry is I'll have forgotten how to do it all and won't have the energy I had in my 20s!!

Petitf - is that the school for govt thing which lasts (in modules) over a year or so? In case it's a factor in your thinking, I did it a couple of years ago and I don't honestly think it opened any new doors for me. But then I did go off and breed not long after .

I had this dilemma at 34. Had DD1 and DS 14 months apart and it was a nightmare - also 2 c sections so all in all not an experience I planned to repeat. I vowed I wouldn't have any more...
However in a moment of madness I decided that if I was going to have another I should do it (or at least try) before 35.
By some twist if fate I had DD2 4 days before my 35th Birthday and I have to say it is so much easier than I thought. Going from 2 to 3 is not that shock that going 1 to 2 is (there is 3 years between baby and middle child who has shown no signs as yet of being a moonster!!).
I wouldn't now have it any other way...

I'm in similar position. DD is 4 and ds was 2 at the weekend. Always said that I wanted 3, and yet...
Am worried about ds being a middle child. Am worried about the impact of 2 younger siblings on dd. Worry about the fact that sometimes now I feel like i can't cope, so what would I be like with 3. Am just getting my freelance thing off the ground.

And yet...
I can't imagine not having another pregnancy and birth. And a new baby.

Kind of wish I could just have it foisted on me, while at the same time being horrified at the thought.

i had my third at just a couple of weeks shy of 36. My dh was initially reluctant but then said 'whatever you want'. my dc3 is now 20 months old and we are back on an even keel after a really hard first year. reeaaally hard. however, I knew I would deeply regret not having a third and am now of course pleased as anything to have him.and so are dh and the other two. the first year or so was different and tbh there were times i thought i'd made a colossal mistake and disrupted family harmony and my marriage forever. it was just the other day i saw a friend with a newborn and, for the first time, i was happy to hold the baby and coo, but didn't have that gut 'i want one now' reaction. i know i don't want any more children but before dc3 the feeling just woulnd't go away.

Ah I see (re marriage strain). That makes things more complicated. Does your DH acknowledge that this might happen?

Porolli I think you have described exactly how I feel - when I hold a newborn at the moment I have this desperate sad longing of wanting it to be mine - and I really really am a) not a baby person or b) an earth mother type - at all. I want that feeling to go!

Nangnang - no that isn't the course, it is something new being run within the Department of Health but it would mean turning into my mother who IS a senior civil servant in the same department and a very hard act to follow in terms of work achievements

Pooka I feel EXACTLY how you feel

Castille Yes my dh does acknowledge that but I suppose we've got through it twice now so what's a third time!

Can I just add one more factor to this - which is that my dh is a doctor in the RAF - in three years time he will start to go away for 8-12 weeks a year so I will have to manage on my own during that time. There is the question of managing with two close in age or three who aren't that is also influencing me - but I guess it is one of those head/heart arguments isn't it?