Lazy or the norm?

[greeniee]

Not sure if i'm posting in the right topic but ..
Baby is two weeks old and I can't help but wonder if it's normal for dads to be so uninvolved (yet in the same household)?

Whilst i'm in and out of sleep every night, he's snoring away enjoying his sleep.
Whilst I juggle making bottles with comforting a hungry baby, he sits on his fking games console not batting an eyelid. He's not working, he has nothing better to do.

He does not feel the need to pull his weight,
He sits feeding himself whilst I haven't eaten for 24hours.. apparently I have to ask him to simply hold our son if I need to go to the toilet and the fact I don't i'm an 'idiot'!
Since this conversation over a day ago he hasn't even paid attention to the baby, I live in a small flat and he's just walked past us minding his business, wtf?
Am I missing something? Why do I feel like i'm a single parent? Am I being too harsh expecting too much? Aren't fathers supposed to be more involved than this?
I don't understand

@Wearywithteens i'm not sure how it's gotten to two weeks, the laziness has just gradually increased to a problem.
You're right I should probably involve him more but i guess i'm afraid he won't see to the babies needs appropriately, even more so he needs my assistance as it's his first which I do try to give. Can't force someone to do what they're meant to do tho 🤷🏽‍♀️

Def not the norm my DP is very hands on even when wfh. I understand youre worried he wont care for baby appropriately but if you dont show him or let him try how will he learn?

Id be having a proper Come to Jesus chat with him OP. Did he want this baby?

@aimzxd Of course i would leave the baby with him because he won't learn any other way, it was just the lack of interest which made me hesitant.

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow very much wanted.

Yea DP was pretty crap when they were babies, although I think he did have the slight excuse that I was BFing. He finds babies quite scary. Although he bathed them every night, when we weren’t seperated.

He’s much better now they’re older, he parents too but in a different way to me.
No excuse for not taking care of you though.

Sorry, I thought he maybe avoided being with baby as you may have expressed your concerns to him. My partner was a little slow on the uptake. DS was born 35 weeks and in neonatal for 10 days. I was kept in due to high BP. We got put into transitional care. I was doing moat of the care for my baby, changing nappies, clothes, tube feeding, expressing every 3 hours round the clock. It was choice tho, the nurses wouldvw taken care of him but I felt it was our job. DP got time off work when we were in hospital and when he came to see us he was hands on then the visits got to morning or evenings so he could have chill time. My emotions built till I flipped and explained everything I had to do and had no time to chill. He got with the program, came to stay with me at hosp and stayed up with me when i expressed, putting my milk away and sterilising pump. He also helped me take care of baby and stayed while baby came back to the ward with us. He just didnt realise i was struggling till I flipped. I now wish I'd said something sooner in a calmer way but it worked. Good luck OP xx

Not the norm, especially in the first 2 weeks after you've just given birth! I breastfed but OH still did his fair share - we did shifts in the day so I could catch up on the sleep I missed in the night. When he went back to work he would take over baby duty as soon as he got home so I could have a break (first DC didn't like being out down so I had her in a sling all day)

Did you talk about who would do what before the baby was born? If not, talk about it now.

Not the norm.

He shapes up or he moves out. Did you not know he was lazy before this?

As you're not breastfeeding and he's not working there's no reason for him not to be doing 50% of the baby care including 50% of nights.

As he wants to be told, tell him he's doing Thursday, Saturday, Monday nights and Wednesday 8pm until 1am (3.5 nights) and you're alternating 3 hourly through the day.