Have you successfully put baby down for naps? Please tell :)

[LondonKiwi123]

Hi all. I'm looking for some success stories and practical advice that worked for getting baby to nap on their own.

My DS is 7 weeks old and only naps on me or DH. For the first few weeks, he used to nap fine during the day in his nest but suddenly stopped doing it. I'm guessing this was due to the sleepy early weeks where he would have slept anywhere coming to an end - or maybe we did something to make him feel it wasn't safe to sleep on his own anymore!

Because both myself and DH are at home atm, we are able to take turns holding him but I'd like to gently help DS feel like it's ok to nap on his own too. I worry that the longer we leave it the less likely DS will learn to do this.

I've had a good search for old posts here and most reassure that it's a fourth trimester thing, and that eventually babies get the hang of it. And to enjoy it while it lasts. Thing is, once lockdown is over and DH goes back to work, I don't think I can cope with all naps on me. What I know about myself is that I don't have the temperament to be sat for hours on the sofa. It gets me down to be restricted like that, and I really struggled with this realisation in the first few weeks. Since DH and I have established a routine of sorts for who holds him when (and generally sharing the care), I've felt a lot better. So for that reason, it's personally important to me to know that I've tried my best to get DS to nap on his own so that I stay in a healthy headspace. I'd still like to do say one nap a day holding him because I appreciate that he won't be little forever.

Some more info that might help:

• He'll nap for 30 mins in the buggy (only tried a few times as we haven't been out much!). Also similar length of time for first nap of the day (when he is still very sleepy) if I gently lower him onto our bed and keep hugging him for a bit till he looks relaxed. Otherwise can nap 2+ hours on us, sometimes back to back with feed in between
• He naps in his sling if I remember to try it. Although this offers mobility, it's the headspace I'm after so I'd like another option
• Depending on time of day (and reasons that have no rhyme or reason!) DH and I either walk, pat or rock him to sleep. Rarely, he'll drift off in our arms on his own. He's a fairly big baby - 8lb 15oz at birth - so I don't know how much longer I can walk/rock him to sleep. Have no idea what he weighs now because all weighing clinics are cancelled, and he won't have his 6 week check until I have no idea when. But he's definitely getting heavy! His size is another reason why I'd like to find a way for him to fall asleep on his own (with me by his side)
• At night he sleeps in his co-sleeper. Still waking 5 or 6 times a night with 1-2 hour sleeps. Unfortunately I don't have one if those babies that is doing 5 hour stretches already! Generally will feed to sleep and put him down when he's in a fairly deep sleep. Have tried doing this when he is drowsy but he doesn't like it! It took some work to get him to sleep in co-sleeper consistently with plenty of patting and picking up if he got upset. I thought this might work for naps but it hasn't! Have tried dim room, white noise, awake but drowsy etc
• There might be no connection at all but around the time he stopped napping on his own, I got very anxious about coronavirus. Combined with anxiety around getting him to sleep at night and general new mum panic, I think this may have left a negative impression on him. I thought I might have pnd because of my history of depression, but am generally feeling ok now

Anyway, if you're still reading thanks so much and thanks in advance for any practical suggestions you may have for me to try 😀 Or if yours has always just slept on their own, please tell me how you do it!

DS (4 months) naps mostly on me. He will on occasion nap in his pram and he quite likes a sling. Sling is handy if I want to get things done but he's a big boy and it's not as easy now as it used to be.

You could try introduce some ‘tools’ that will help him fall sleep alone. My DS did this out of nowhere too around 4 months and it was hell. The things that helped for us were introducing a comforter/security blanket beside him when falling asleep (remove once asleep), playing white noise and started using a sleeping bag instead of cellular blankets.

I think it was mostly the comforter was what he needed, he still sleeps with it and he’s nearly one. When he was really small I would put whatever too I had been wearing beside him for comfort until he was asleep.

My DS napped on me until he was about 4 months, and then started to seem uncomfortable and just like he would rather sleep on his own and has napped in his cot ever since - he just grew out of it when ready - but white noise definitely really helped him to go sleep and then stay asleep. Ewan the Sheep etc have done absolutely nothing for us as they are not loud enough and the noise isn’t low enough so we invested in a decent white noise machine

Have you tried swaddling? Or cover him with your dressing gown/duvet (nice and warm and smells like you).

I understand the need to put baby down for naps. It's easy to say 'enjoy it' in hindsight, and typically I wish I had now, but at the time, I was just desperate for some time to myself, even just to sit on the sofa with no one touching me.

Completely agree with PP about the white noise! It has been a life saver for us and helps create a 'sleep time' routine.

Do you have a Moses basket or similar? Until my daughter grew too big for them, we used a Moses basket/her pram/her nest for naps downstairs. I let her fall asleep on me, then lowered her in carefully. We also found laying my bunched up dressing gown in the basket helped to 'soften her landing', so to speak, made her feel more 'held' and would also smell like me. Obviously this isn't advised for night time sleeping as it isn't a flat, firm surface but for supervised sleep it was fine for me.

I started putting her down drowsy but awake at around 4months and found she would eventually go to sleep by herself if she was full/clean/happy. It wasn't instant and I found it best to occupy myself by reading next to her or putting washing away in the same room etc instead of becoming frustrated. If it didn't work, at least I got 5/10 minutes to myself and got a job done.

We also use a dummy after previously saying I would never buy one. It has helped hugely and helps her settle to sleep. When she falls asleep and it drops out of her mouth, we take it away. Obviously this is still a sleep 'crutch', but with a poor sleeper I would have tried anything.

Good luck :)

I did pick up put down with mine and it worked within a few days. I did it for all naps/sleeps/night time.

Pick them up as soon as they are unhappy - I saw it as demonstrating that you would be there immediately as soon as they needed you.

Didn't want to read and run (I myself am being laid on currently by a 2 week old).

Best advice is to curb this now, I loved DC1 sleeping on me but now I have a near 3 year old who will only nap if I cuddle him and that had to end when I was 8 months pregnant as I was told off for lifting him (I use to carry him to bed, as he'd only sleep in his bed).

So you want to get them to self soothe ideally, so baby now is asleep on me and even if it's for 5 minutes he goes straight down into his crib. It might be where they are sleeping too, first few days baby hated the bassinet but loves the snuzpod as they can still see me.

Have you got a vibrating chair? My little one likes the vibrations as he has silent reflux, I also looked at a Rockit baby rocker, it attaches to prams and cribs ect and physically rocks it for you.

Another try could be swaddling? All depends on the baby though, my first child loved it, this baby really doesn't like it.

Unfortunately it's just finding out what baby likes best. We're doing this all over again right now as baby has silent reflux and my first was a easy baby who slept through the night lol.

Good luck x

Watching with interest OP I have an 8 week old who's exactly the same and her dad has to go back to work next week and I just cant do it! She sleeps in her cot at night in a sleeping bag fine but day times she will only sleep being held or when shes out in the pram and obviously that's a no go atm!

We have had this problem too. My DS is 2 months today and a terrible sleeper as he doesnt like sleeping on his back. We used to have to have him sleep on us for all naps, and would have to hold him for the most part in the evenings too. We have found that he will sleep well on his stomach propped up on a nursing pillow. My mum said it’s the weight on their body that they like and comforts them. Obviously make sure that they are safe and supervised so they don’t put face completely into the pillow. He will now sleep soundly during the day like this which makes it so much easier for us as it means we aren’t tied to the sofa or wherever he falls asleep on us, and can actually get things done in the and room. We are in a flat so most of the stuff evolves around the living room/open plan kitchen.

I found there was a tiny gap between when DS was asleep that I could pop him into his cot after cuddling to sleep. I could normally do that with his first nap every day which was my chance to get ready every day! Later naps were in the buggy or on me - he stopped napping on me at around 1 once we did some sleep training for nighttime.

I think a buggy nap is actually a good thing to get them used to if you can - we've always been able to go out all day because I know DS will sleep whereas some of my friends with DC who only nap in a cot really struggle.

Thanks for the replies everyone!

@Temple29 I'd not thought of a comforter thanks for the suggestion! I forgot I actually had one when I was little (and loved it so much I kept sleeping with it until I was almost a teenager!). Mum was convinced I liked the texture of the terry cloth. Luckily she'd bought a few because they got rather tatty. Do you take it away once yours is asleep for safety reasons?

@SacramentoQueen @WeDontTalkAboutLove we have the white noise on all night on the iPad, but pretty low because we're worried it'll damage his hearing! I do ramp it up though to try and soothe him when the patting is not working during night wakings and I can sense he's about to cry. Only works if I'm awake enough to do it though of course. May I ask which white noise machine you have/how you use white noise? Will try for daytime naps too.

This is the white noise machine that we use - we have it on the fan setting, really quite loud, but a fair distance away from the cot

What happens if you put him down in the cot once asleep? Mine took all naps on me till 4 months old, then, like a switch, started doing all naps in the cot.

Unfortunately, you might just have to suck it up and let them sleep on you. That is the many joys of being a parent. I suspect we've got quite a while till lockdown is lifted, at least.

I had a plug in heating pad for back ache.

Turns out if you pre warm the crib they don’t object so much to being put down... (take it out before you put the baby in!)

-Swaddle

• bouncy chair

-baby swing -some sort of sleepyhead/poddlepod which you can cuddle him in to then lay down in a crib

• if white noise isnt working then heartbeat,waves or anything else

-does he have a dummy? If he is gaining weight well and feeing is established perhaps he is just craving.comfort? Some babies just need more suckling to help them comfort.

We didn't get DS to sleep on his own till 5 months. He also didn't sleep longer than a 2 hour stretch till then either, it was a nightmare. What worked was sleep training at 6 months. It was the worst 2 weeks of my life doing the sleep training, but it saved our lives, and I don't say that lightly. DH and I hadn't slept in the same bed at the same time for 6 months and were both surviving on about 5 hours of sleep a night. I think if had gone on much longer then one of us would have had a complete breakdown.

Every nap was done in the wrap with one of us walking, he hated the carseat and would literally just scream for an entire journey, so we only left our city about 3 times in 8 months as he wouldn't nap on the car, it was so stressful.

If the wrap/sling is working then embrace it!!

Should note that DS is now 19 months old, a very happy child, has a 2 hour nap in the day, about 10.5 hours straight (usually) overnight and we put him down awake and he puts himself to sleep without complaint, other than some super cute babbling to himself.

We look back at pictures of ourselves during the first 6 months and cringe at how tired we look!

@LondonKiwi123 yes I used to take it away for safety reasons but only at night. During the day I was in the same room and watching so didn’t bother. Once he was confident in rolling to his tummy and back again I left it in with him overnight too. Hoping it works for you because DS loves his comforter and it’s a god send!

@Burgerandchipvan I agree about the buggy thing. My niece only naps in her cot and has never really been able to in the buggy so my sister can only be out for a few hours at a time. I just wish I could go out every day for the neighborhood loop but feel it's too risky right now. First naps of the day are def easiest! I can get him to sleep on our bed while I make an (instant) coffee, put on a wash and if I'm lucky, have some breakfast! I never know if it counts as a nap though or if it's just the final sleep of the night. That nap usually happens when he's woken up at 6am and babbled to himself for half an hour before deciding he's still tired!

It's a long time ago for me now but both of mine fell asleep in the buggy or pram when out, with the aid of a dummy and comforter and then stayed asleep once home. Eventually could put them straight into the pram or buggy for their nap.
This was handy as meant I could go out of needed during their nap.

I do think I just had good sleepers though, sorry

@CCW86 thanks for the nursing pillow for stomach suggestion! I'm happy to hear that you give something that works for you. I think a preference for stomach sleep could be a part of what's going on with DS, and just liking being close to us. We're in a flat too (with no garden) and going a bit stir crazy!

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee so glad to hear that the sleep training worked for you. Which approach did you use? DH and I have rarely slept in same room for the last two months cos we do shifts, and I can easily see how this could quickly become 6 months! Thanks for the reassurance that your DS is now a happy sleeper. 10.5 hours sounds like heaven!

Are you able to get out with the pram for your daily walk? Could you time that for the first nap?
I used the pram for naps for dc3, as he was so used to being out and about with school runs for dc1&2. So I’d pop him in it in the kitchen diner once the washing machine was in and just push back & forth and he’d drop off. Don’t know if you’d have a little floor space for that in your flat?

@WeDontTalkAboutLove thanks for the link I guess you keep it on all night/for the whole nap? I got the Gro Ollie Owl that has the cry sensor, but haven't had the energy yet to figure out the settings! I'm not too hopeful though because by the time he cries, it's too late and he needs picking up for comfort. Or maybe I just need to be tougher... I forgot to say thanks earlier for your words about understanding where I'm coming from. It would indeed be nice to sit on the sofa with no one touching me! It might sound harsh to some but it's the recreation of those pre-baby-esque moments that have helped to keep me going (and be much nicer to DH). I still feel guilty when I'm not the one holding him etc because for some reason I feel I should (despite being very strong minded about sharing childcare between DH and I), but I'm getting better at letting that contradiction wear off day by day.