dilemma over a party invite ... perhaps should be in the AIBU section?

[ejt1764]

There is a boy in ds's class (reception) who is the classic case of a "naughty boy" - he has hit / kicked ds and ds's best friend on many occasions (when they were in the nursery unit together).

Now, ds has come home with an invite to this child's birthday party - I don't really want ds to go - for one, this child is just not nice - his parents don't seem to notice / care about his behaviour - and secondly, I am pg, and the baby is due around the party date.

The thing is that ds loves going to birthday parties ... AIBU to say "no" to going to this party, or should I give this child a chance to prove himself not as revolting as he has so far turned out to be?

Could you maybe ask another person to go with him, as your lad is only 4 it's not as if you are likely to drop him off and go home with him, if you lived near me I'd do it for you. What about a mother of another child whois also going. At that age you can't really say no as your lo would get quite upset.

I meant go home with OUT him.

Give the boy a chance and find another parent who can take your boy to the party.

I'd ask ds's best friend's mum to take him, but they are going to a wedding that day and so won't be there anyway!

The problem is also that I don't know many of the other parents - I worked ft until last Friday when I started maternity leave, and haven't got to the chatting to many other parents stage just yet ...

You're right, he's not at the age where I can leave him at a party ...

I would see if someone else could accompany him, but tell them to keep a close eye. I shouldn't think anything will happen at the party, they are usually pretty organised and there is plenty to keep the kids busy. I would imagine the birthday boy will be too excited to care about being mean.

If it were me and my DS wanted to go, I would definitely take him. I think 4 is far too young to label a child as a 'classic naughty boy' or 'just not nice'. If your ds is willing to give him a chance, you should too.

However, I think if your baby is due around the party date that is a fair reason to turn down a party invite as you genuinely might not be able to make it.

Also, I would be tempted to go just to meet the other parents.

I would take him , you can always cancel if the baby arrives.
I agree with madamep it is a little unfair to label him at such a young age he will probably settle down as the year goes on. It's also a good opportunity to meet other parents as you will stay with him.

does your ds want to go? for me, and unless we have something already arranged, that is the only question I ask with regard to attendance at birthday parties - if HE wants to go he can go.
my ds is 5 in a couple of weeks, for his 4th party we asked the parents to drop off/pick up, a couple of the kids were iffy on arrival but quite happy for their parents to leave after about 5 mins (I made it clear that if their child wasn't happy to be left they were welcome to stay) and of the parties he has gone to over the last year they have been 50/50 over parents staying), would posters really not leave a reception age child at a party?

We did go to this boy's birthday party last year, but ds was the only person from the class to go ... all of the other children turned the invite down (they had been in the nursery unit since that January)

There are some quite serious reasons why I call him a naughty boy ... much as I feel bad about it!

I would go. I was at a party with my dd the day ds was born!

It will be nice for you to meet everyone & for your ds to have some more friends.

My dd is 5 & from the beginning of school she was left at parties. Also when I had a party for her 4th birthday all the parents dropped their children off! I had hired a huge hall & we had a football tournament & a bouncy castle.

18 children were dropped off & out of those, 5 parents left us a contact number! All children were fine & enjoyed themselves

This is the thing - I don't think many of the other children in ds's class have been invited - unfortunately, because of things that happened last year when they were all in the nursery unit together (a couple of incidents at 2 separate parties, when this child attacked another child, and the parents just laughed off his behaviour), this child wasn't invited to anybody else's party after about November time.

Yes, ds does want to go ... he just likes going to parties (bit of a social animal)

I am large, ungainly, and on crutches (with spd) ... dh would probably take him, rather than me anyway ...

hmm, ejt, i'm inclined to agree that it might be a good idea to take ds and meet the other parents too, you and dh could both go, and if its not looking good, maybe get dh to say your not feeling too good and take you home. at least you've then made an effort and not stopped ds going to a social gathering

j20 - I think that's an excellent idea ... trust one of the due in Oct girls to come up with a good solution!

Think J20's idea is great!

I personally don't think 4 is too young to leave at a party (although don't have a 4 year old yet so might change my mind who knows!) but probably in these circumstances would want to be there if this boys parents laugh if he turns violent!

And it's not going to help the "Party" boy if nobody comes - I would have thought that would make him even naughtier - and with good reason! I know it's not your job to socialize someone else's child - but your ds is going to be in his class for 6 more years....!

he's a child he shouldn't need to prove himself whatever he done in nursery unit is normal for children it sobviously a way of getting attention

you say his parents dont paymuch attention and he's so young to be thought bad against its the parents you want to feel bad against not this poor child his to young to fully understand his actions he sees it as away of getting attention children grow and mature and if your son and him get on let him go to the party

kids will fall out all the time parents have tolearn not to take this personally as we all went through it and he is just a young boy not a tear away teen he might need his friends if he lacks attention at home

I know it must be difficult for you being pregnant but I would take him. Have had simular situations where my friends have labled a child and not taken their children to certain parties,so I have gone alone. In my situations I have usually had sympathy for the parents who find it hard when their child is labled. By all means stay and make sure your child is treated with the respect he deserves but I tend to hate it when parents exclude others because of their childs behaviour. Its hard I know but I have often found that these parents know people are discriminating against them and I like the fact that I can hold my head up and not judge them at the end of the day. I dont like the sinario of parents feeling uncomfortable that everyone at school hates them and their child. I have often found parents in this situation very inviting and supportive to other people funny enough. Sometimes I beleive they come to be picked on and so any such bad behaviour becomes common knowlege to everyones critising whereas others you may not hear about. I have also had my ds bullied at times so I also understand these situations vary but you know what I mean