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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

My 6 year old smears poo please help!

22 replies

Riverandrocks · 06/04/2020 23:57

I can't believe I'm having to write this it's embarrassing and I feel like I'm failing him but after being told about the group from a friend I hope someone can help. My 6 year old boy has adhd and behaviour problems possibly asd. He's violent to me I'm attacked daily from him and also his older sister who's 8 I split from their dad 2 years ago and he has them every other weekend and some school holidays with the lockdown I currently have them full time. Apart my being attacked everyday my son has a horrible habit with playing with his poo smearing it all over his bedroom. I've taken him to the doctors in the past who put it down to him being lazy and I needed to be tough with him. I've tried taking away toys I get attacked, I've tried to ignore him, I've tried to get him to help clean up but this hasn't worked. Now being stuck inside he's a lot worse and it's happening almost every day. Please tell me someone else has been through this and has cracked it. I will also add that he sometime wet himself in the day time and isn't dry at night.

OP posts:

Skeeter2020 · 07/04/2020 00:03

His poo smearing is not a problem that needs to be 'cracked'. It's his obviously deeply troubled emotional state that needs to be worked on

Buttybach · 07/04/2020 00:06

I work with SEN pupils and smearing is usually either carried out as a behaviour to gain caregiver attention or the majority of the time it is a sensory seeking thing.
Have you discussed this with your paediatric specialist?

There is a YouTuber called fathering autism and If you look back over some of the older videos they explain how they prevented this with their daughter.

Do you use a pecs system With him or is he verbal?

IdblowJonSnow · 07/04/2020 00:08

See a different gp OP and ask for a referral to a child psychologist.
Sounds very stressful. This isn't laziness, sounds like there is something going on.

Buttybach · 07/04/2020 00:08

There is a product called crazy sand that seems to mimic the texture. That may be worth considering.

Buttybach · 07/04/2020 00:11

It's likely to have increased since you have been home due to not getting a total range of sensory input. There is only so much parents can do at home.

Hopefully you know you are an amazing mum and that fingers crossed you can work on this behaviour with him x
If you want me to make him a social story or pecs on my computer I'm happy to do that x PM me x

Buttybach · 07/04/2020 00:11

Ps @IdblowJonSnow you have the best username I have ever seen! Fair play x

Original poster

Riverandrocks · 07/04/2020 00:12

He is verbal but they do use pecs and lots off picture to help with communication and understanding in school with him.

OP posts:

Buttybach · 07/04/2020 00:13

able2learn.com/products/dont-play-with-poop-social-story-basic-living-skills-8-pages.html

Someone awesome has already made one x

Buttybach · 07/04/2020 00:18

The images are so much better for communicating especially for autism.

I mainly have older pupils but even at that age they respond much better to images.

Try the above social story at least twice a day.

When he is starting to do the unwanted behaviour try the traffic light technique.
Or another warning system.

If he has a bit more understanding you can do a consequences chart.
The chart can say that if he smears he loses an activity he likes like the iPad or playing on a trampoline.
Always give a warning as he starts to do it so he can change his mind himself.

Then divert him to a different sensory activity like sand or slime or clay x

Goop is always a winner and it's cheap.
Sadly making him clean it is furthering the sensory experience.

Buttybach · 07/04/2020 00:22

images.app.goo.gl/oSBAV2ZLoBtfcPgx8

Something like this may work a treat

Original poster

Riverandrocks · 07/04/2020 00:31

Thank you so much eveyone really appreciate the help. I'd print off the pictures and try them with him. We have ones with routines that the school set just before it was closed. I will try the messy play he loves anything messy even to the point he's happy to lay and roll around in a puddle.

OP posts:

MovingBriskyOn · 07/04/2020 00:33

Just putting this out there...

Smearing is an indicator of sexual abuse. Just saying

Original poster

Riverandrocks · 07/04/2020 09:59

Oh god no he is only every at school, with me or his dad's other family member I'm always there with him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Riverandrocks · 07/04/2020 20:40

I have printed and laminated the pecs thank you. Put one in his bedroom and one in the bathroom. Lots off messy play today in the garden and a first day pretty much violent free. Poo in his pants still but no smearing yet. Sometime he will go again at nighttime which is when the worse time it happens. Fingers crossed he doesn't tonight

OP posts:

PanicAtTheDiscLo · 07/04/2020 20:52

OP despite what MovingBriskyOn has said smearing is an also attributable to lots of other things

PeachesAndPops · 07/04/2020 20:54

My 7 year old does this. He has ASD. I’ve not got any suggestions really, just wanted to say you are not alone! It’s sensory-seeking behaviour, so lots of sensory activities should help. You need to see an OT (obviously can’t right now), in our area you can self-refer. We got lots of advice around sensory stuff, giving him massages and squeezing him helps too.

Original poster

Riverandrocks · 07/04/2020 21:20

He was late at potty training he wasn't out off nappies till he was nearly 4 and a half. He's never poo on the toilet he doesn't even hide when he's doing a poo like my daughter used to. He isn't bothered about having poo in his pants and won't tell me he's been. He doesn't poo squatting/sitting down. He stands up also was done. Weather this is part off the problem I don't know but its been going on since he was out off nappies during the day. He was due to be tested for asd and other needs but due to what is happening its been pushed back

OP posts:

saraclara · 07/04/2020 21:35

Smearing is an indicator of sexual abuse. Just saying

Not in autistic children, @MovingBriskyOn
It's a common sensory issue.

Original poster

Riverandrocks · 07/04/2020 22:21

@saraclara thank you he definitely hasn't been abused!

OP posts:

MovingBriskyOn · 07/04/2020 22:38

Guys, I'm absolutely not knowledgeable about SEN like the rest of you PPs are.
And I bow to your experience . I didn't know it was a common thing.

But it is also an indicator. I'm sorry, but it is, and one shouldn't negate the other

Original poster

Riverandrocks · 07/04/2020 22:54

Its a good things to point out but also very scary to read as it didn't even enter my head. He doesn't go anyway apart from school or his dad's the rest off the time he's with me. This has been on going for over a year now. I thought he might stopped but its just getting worse and worse and I'm at a lost with that to do. I have to keep a eye on his every move and it's getting tiring. I love him to bits but never thought I'd have a children with special needs and have to bring him up on my own. I don't get any help from my mum she didn't want to know me when I had my first baby age 16 and still 8 years later she won't talk to me. Tyring my hardest to cope with it all but really I'm slowly breaking down and I can't deal with it for much longer. I feel like such a terrible mum not only to my son but to my daughter as well as he attacks her to and i feel like I don't spent much time with her as I would like to because off my son taking most off my time.

OP posts:

MovingBriskyOn · 08/04/2020 08:30

That's so sad, River

Is there any local support for you? Where I live there's a community hub and also mental health services, samaritans, etc. Someone for you to talk to, perhaps?

I'll leave this thread now because I can't share any knowledge or experience that would be helpful for you. But I hope you get the support you need

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