What to do about rude 12 year old

[wasIlikethis30yearsago]

How do you handle your 12 year olds? Mine has taken to saying 'screw you' when he's not happy with me. He had lost his devices for not listening and constant rudeness.

This morning I gave him a device back for a strict 2 hours and he was angry when I told him time was up. He again said 'screw you'. I sent him outside to go and sit and think. I'm at the end of my tether with it. How on earth do you discipline when the only thing he cares about is being online and then gets nasty when he can't be. If we weren't social distancing I'd take all devices away completely for an indefinite time but that seems impossible right now with school work etc.

Are you bothered about the words he is using or his behaviour? Does he actually know what screw you means?

Both. I feel like crying with his behaviour lately. If I send him to his room he'll go in and start throwing things around. I hate being spoken to like that in my home.

I'm not sure he does know

I know all kids are different but I wonder if sitting down and talking to him when you are both calm might help. Explain what screw you means and he might be mortified. Bloody electronic devices are an addiction - I spend far too much on my phone and I'm 53! The problem is that the alternatives are not so stimulating. I think the answer is consistency and trying to understand it from his side too. Set rules, stick to them and ignore the bad.

Id tell him what it means, lay out how offensive and inappropriate it is, and ask him to think about different ways to express his frustration. It sounds like he's worked out that this is a button for you, and is enjoying pushing it.