"I've got a tummy ache and I feel like crying all the time and I don't know why, mummy."

[ScummyMummy]

My baby boy- 5.5- has just told me this and now I feel like crying too. I've let him sleep in our bed because he said that might make him feel a bit better. What else shall I do? He seems fine physically- not hot or anything. I'm really worried he must be feeling the pressure of year one or that something must be really wrong somewhere... help. Anyone got any bright ideas? He's a such a sweetie. I want to make this stop for him right now...

Have a chat with the teacher to see if there is anything that has happened at school. Year 1 is such a change from Reception and it may just be the change. My dd who has just turned 5 is now in yr1 and was very unsettled for the first 3 weeks. Talking to the other mums there children were as well. If I remember rightly my ds (now in yr2) was the same when he went into yr1.
Hope you manage to sort things out

My first thought (also owner of Year 1 boy) would be incipient cold/ bug/overtiredness/emotional overload. To be cured by applying hugs/early nights/smarties/spoonful of calpol.

Sure, it could be that something is going wrong in a complicated kind of way, but wouldn't assume that in the first instance.

hth

Oh honey. Hugs to both of you. It probably is Year 1, isn't it?xxxxxxxxxx

Oh scummy - your post makes me want to cry too.

Firstly I've just had a tummy bug that made me feel really weepy - do kids always get a fever with a tummy bug?

It may not be physical though - I used to get terrible tummy aches when under stress when I was little. I don't know why they were tummy aches rather than headaches.

I remember very clearly my mum taking me to the docs once and whispering to the doctor. I didn't think anything of it (as far as I was concerned I was ill) But later that day my mum sat me down and asked how things were at school and if I had any problems with friends - I did and I told her. I can't actually remember what she said, but I think just talking about it made me feel better.

I know you know that finding the problem will help - I just thought I'd mention it in case it rings any bells for you. Could be school pressure, could be bullying? But it's not necessarily something "really wrong" (although it obviously feels really wrong to him).

I hope he feels better tomorrow.

My Dad always used to call this the 'mimblies' and would describe it as 'going down with the Alice' (like Christopher Robin did??)
It described the weepy, not really sure what's wrong, the world is out to get you that some children get....a cuddle and hot ribena always helped me & my Bro

You know scummy - it could just be a tummy ache. My dd was really miserable all afternoon, was actually crying all the time, and I ddin't know what was wrong - until she threw up all over me (the first of 5 times tonight) And she hasn't got a temp at all. She's tucked up in my bed right now looking angelic. I do hope it's this - but if it isn't, and it is stress related, then I have very confidence that you will deal with it wonderfully and sort out anything that is wrong in his little world.

Do you think he might be just exhausted? I found both my elder boys were cream crackered by half term for the first few terms of school. Also, does he have school meals, something that might disagree with him? Or does he swap things in his lunchbox?
Poor wee mite - I think it's a HUGE change going from reception to Year 1, I think some things can 'hit' children some time after they happen, IYSWIM. Hope he's back to himself soon.

Oh poppet

Can you get any clues from his brother in a non-interogating way ? Are they in the same class at school ? Is there a classroom assistant you could have a quiet word with without involving the teacher initially ?

A few kids I know at the moment are having a tough time of things with the new term & finding their position and a couple are having their first encounters with other kids not being nice.

I hope it's not school stuff & can be easily explained like Prufrock's dd. Hopefully you'll be back here soon moaning about your laundry IYSWIM. Love & hugs, K xxx

Oh no! Could it be something at school? Let him sleep with you and see how he is in the morning. Hope you get to the bottom of it or that it is just wanting extra cuddles from you.

There is a non-fever but bl**dy painful 24 hour tummy bug circulating the poster-painted corridors of SE London, Scummy, as Prufrock says, it could actually be a tummy bug.
But as a fellow Year 1 veteran I do think it's a huge change to make - ds keeps coming home and saying, "I hate Year One, Mrs X keeps asking us to do CHALLENGES" and pulling his monster face.
Your poor little man. They are at such a funny betwixt and between age, aren't they? All Bionicle-slaying bravado one minute and the next unable to sleep without a back rub and a "safety panda" velcroed to their pyjamas.
What does his brother say about both school and tummies?

Poor little man, scummy ... he sounds so like my DS ...
Don't know what to suggest really ... as my DS is not yet at school (starting in 6 weeks ... eek!) just wanted to send some support!
Not long till half term now is it? Make sure they have a nice chilled time and lots of REST ...

Thank you all so much for your wise words, suggestions and sympathy, everyone. The boy blues (and consequently the scummy blues!) seem to have faded a bit this morning- clearly a night of kicking mum and dad around the bed and getting lots of cuddles in return has helped in and of itself as you predicted, frogs and www!

I think you are all right about it probably being mostly year 1 adjustment stuff. We talked about changes yesterday after I said, apropos of nothing you understand, that I was finding my new college a bit strange and missing my friends at work. He said: "That's funny mummy. I miss reception too! Don't worry though- I used to miss nursery but then I liked reception... Oh no! What about when I go into year2? I'm gonna miss year1!" So I think he's got a pretty good handle on change for a five year old, really, but I'm not sure that it's filtering into his day-to-day coping with the expectations of school, necessarily.

And those expectations are v high, IMO- I'm seriously surprised at the amount of work expected from them and at the wholesale change in emphasis from play to learning. I also think that my son is possibly finding school difficult in a very particular way because he is- in marked contrast to his twin brother- pathologically eager to please yet finding a lot of the work a real slog. Yesterday in bed he also said "Sometimes I would quite like a little rest, mummy, but H (his teacher) would be so sad if I didn't finish." I have spoken with H (herself a total sweetie) this morning and she is going to keep an eye and make sure today is a go-slightly-slower day for him. She told me she's been a bit worried herself at how hard he's trying. Anyway, fingers crossed that a bit of TLC and a bit less pressure will do the trick. And thank you so much for your support- it really helped.

glad he's feeling better sm

I'm glad he's feeling better SM, and his comments about the longterm perspective on changes show remarkable perception I think.

We too are surprised at how much time they have to spend "sitting at tables writing" in yr1. They have some "chill-out" time built into the timetable, in terms of 30 mins watching videos a couple of afternoons a week .. but they haven't been doing this much so far, because the children haven't finished their work! DS1 is among the more able in the class, but he often comes out telling me he was disappointed because he tried his best, but it was very tricky, and he didn't quite manage to finish his work.

They seem to have gone from one extreme to the other; twenty years ago, my friend was told by a teacher that it wasn't her (the teacher's) job to teach her eight year old son to read and write (he still couldn't), and now if they're not conjugating Latin verbs by the age of six they'll be in perpetual detention. Why can't they just get a decent balance, FGS?

Sorry- hadn't seen your message, Marina. His brother D is such a different kettle of fish- he has been loudly and markedly complaining about year1 since the moment he started and speaks of school with a mixture of excitement and eye-rolling scorn. I think D's generally finding life easier because he has picked up early literacy skills quickly and doesn't particularly care about pleasing his teacher. In fact, D's opinion of his teacher is blisteringly unflattering and some of his comments about her are utterly unrepeatable. I am constantly expecting to be hauled into the head's office to be informed that he has said something terrible to or about her but actually they seem to have a remarkably good working relationship, given his professed opinions. In short, D is generally taking life a lot less seriously than J, it seems.

Agree, meanbean. And thanks roisin. It's good to know that J isn't the only one. Hope your son gets some chill out time soon.

Aw, I'm sorry I missed thisyesterday scummymummy, but very happy that he is better today. DS who seems to be a bit like J is also finding year1 very tiring (mind you, he often found reception tiring too!). I hope J seetles in soon and D's likes his teacher a bit more!

The difference from reception to year one seems bigger than it did even 5 years ago.

My oldest son had far less pressure put on him in year 1. He had homework sheets 3 or 4 times a term and no pressure to do them. The youngest gets one sheet a week plus spellings to learn.

I had to talk to his reception teacher a week or so into term about his behaviour and she got a bit agitated about him not giving in his homework that week (I had not spotted it in his bookbag as it happens). What is the world coming to?

Glad your ds is feeling more on top of things, scummy. My ds is a mixture between your two at the moment - very don't care-ish robust attitude to school, but hasn't got his head round literacy much either!

Glad he is feeling better, Scummy. They are both such little stars, I blame their parents
Like Tigermoth's ds2, mine is quite often an unsavoury hybrid of D & J's few unattractive features. Robust opinions without the facts to back him up

I'm laughing at your boy's 'mixture of excitement and eye-rolling scorn' at school Scummy, very healthy imo! Glad the other one's feeling better and seems to have just wanted cuddles.

Scummy. Glad to hear that H is supportive.

We're only getting over the nursery to Reception thing at the moment, thankfully going ok so far but I'm very aware that there is quite a small age gap between your guys and my Munchkin, she just happened to have landed here in September & if it had been August things would have been very different.

Hope J manages to find a balance in his world and makes it through to half term when he can have a good play.

[Scummy, got to post this cos it'll probably make you smile, following dd's 'smoking' old people observation of last week. Her sound of the day today was 'z' so this morning I asked her what she wanted to take in for the sound table.
'Mummy Z is for zero so I'm going to take nothing in.']

Hope everything is better today Scummy x

Thanks again, guys. You are so lovely. Both boys seem in v good form today- just hope the school go a bit easy on the homework this week so we can have a relax this weekend to put the icing on the cake.

Your dd sounds very clever, Twink!