3 yr old won't poo in the toilet

[Lizbiz89]

We've just potty trained my dd. She was ready and it has been an easy transition apart from she won't poo in the toilet. Shes always struggled with pooping anyway. She has had a fear of going after she had a bad bout of constipation when she had croup a year a go. I don't want to cause her to have constipation from not going, but equally I don't want to go backwards with the potty training, as sometimes she'll be trying to go for a poo all day which means leaving her in nappies all day again. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated?

Watching as we are also struggling with poos. Our DS was making himself constipated by holding it in....I have found that he will poo on the potty of he's not wearing any trousers or pants, so I have started removing them at the first sign he needs to go. I don't know why, but for some reason having no clothes on below the waist seems to help him, not very practical for when we are finally allowed to go out though!

My ds got this no problem at 2.75and then around 3 decided no... encouraged and reassured but didn't push it as I've heard a lot of horror stories on this. Ultimately for almost a year he just asked for a nappy each time and, we went with it and then one day, didn't ask and worked away himself on the toilet. I am very glad I went with him, for what it's worth.

We brought sticker magazines for the bathroom only. He would sit and look at the pictures or I would read to him. He got a sticker every time.

Once they go once they usually ok after

Thanks for all of the replies. Amazingly today she told me she needed a wee and sat on the loo, and to my surprise she pooped! Hoping it's not a fluke! Anyway will make sure I keep things in the bathroom to entertain her whilst she's trying to go in future.

We found that Ds needed to have his feet on something before he would poo. We initially let him use the potty, but then got his a pair of steps which went over the toilet and have a potty attached to it (they are about 20 quid from Argos). It meant he could put his feet on something to allow him to push? Not sure if your daughter is the same, especially if she is straining all day

So I spoke to soon. Dd is now outright refusing to sit on toilet or potty for poop. She's cracked the wee and will let me know when she needs to go but the poo is definitely not progressing. She's holding it in so much she's shaking in desperation. The issue with just putting a nappy back on for pooping is she can take all day to do a poo and I really don't want to go backwards. I'm guessing this is going to be a slow going situation.

It doesn't matter if it does once it's off outside of this. I'm firmly on the child led side on this one tho, having seen too many horror stories, including constipation, poo refusal and dirty protests. Someone likened forcing toilet training to forcing an incontinent adult to do it.. made me think. It's a huge achievement for them to do on their own terms, it's very stressful for all when it's parent-led.

We had this exact position with my DD who will turn 3 next month. She was potty trained for wees last summer relatively easily but got v upset about poos and would hold on to them making herself constipated. After spending a Sunday in the hospital getting prescribed laxatives to unblock her we decided not to push this issue and she just asked for a nappy on for poos about six months.

About a month ago I thought we should try again and ordered some books from Amazon specifically about doing poos, a separate sticker chart and a supply of chocolate buttons (no need to jump on me, this worked for us) and had a talk with her about how she’s now a big girl and big girls use the toilet for poos. We also talked to her about the amount of nappies we had left and said that when they were gone we wouldn’t buy any more so help her get used to the idea.

We started off by persuading her to just sit on the toilet and read the poo books to get her used to the idea that it won’t just happen the moment she sits down and then we rewarded the effort with stickers with the promise of a couple of chocolate buttons if she could do a poo on the toilet. We just kept at it and heaped the praise on when she managed it and we’re now about 6 weeks down the line and she’s used the toilet consistently for poos. The books really helped and she looks at them on her own now while she’s going.

Not sure if that’s any help at all, but it’s what worked for us!

Oh and poo goes to pooland video on youtube very popular, worth a try! Personally I would never reward with food as I have a big problem with comfort eating myself so I would prefer to avoid for my DC though it's almost impossible

Thanks for the replies. We started with treats and they worked at first for both wee and poop but now it's not working for poop at all. Literally nothing will get her on that toilet for a poop now, not praise, sweets, cuddles, nothing. Think I'm just going to follow her lead on this one like you've said. Will put the nappy back on for poops and then back on with the pants after. It's sooooo frustrating but I don't want to cause any underlying issues in the future for her.

Following as my 2 year old has been potty trained for wees since January but has only done a poo on the potty once or twice. She usually just does it in her knickers or in her night nappy before it is changed in the morning. I offer to put one on her when I think she needs a poo and she won't have it! She used to be regular but we ended up potty training as she was refusing to wear nappies and now are in this situation where she just wants to poo in knickers!!

I read something about they feel weird about the sensation of pooing into open air as they are used to pooing up against something (nappy) but not really sure how to use this information to help her to do it on the potty or toilet!! Poor babies

OK so this is going to sound gross but it does help. When my DS first did a poo on his potty it terrified him. If you think about it, something is coming out of your body that you don't understand and have no control over. It's scary.

Next time you go to do a poo yourself, take dd in aswell. Let her watch you go and afterwards (yes I know this is gross) let her have a look in the toilet. You can explain to her that you're feeling better now you've been and it's not scary at all.

Sometimes I think it's the lack of understanding leading to fear that stops it.

My ds was like this for years he would begrudgingly sit on the toilet not do any thing then 2 min after his underpants back on he would do it in them so frustrating.
Anyway turns out he didn't like an audience whilst having a poo (who does) so the potty was a definite no go and I could blow all the bubbles in the world why he was sat on the toilet but he wouldn't part with it.
Can you leave her on the toilet and step outside the room for a minute or so?

We had this issue too. What I did is let my kid have the nappy but asked them to sit on the toilet with it on for a poo. Next step was I cut a hole in the nappy, so the poop fell in the loo. Then I cut most of a nappy away till it was just the waistband. Sounds bonkers, but it was the feeling of wearing a nappy our kid needed, so I weaned him off that gradually.

For a while him still look all his clothes of to do a poo (no idea why), and had to have his feet on something, but we got there.

I had the same thing with my son. I just let him poo in his pants. Then I would empty the poo into the potty and make a song and dance about the poo being in the potty. I would reward him if he sat on the potty with the poo in it and asked if he needed to wee whilst he was there. Then made a song a dance about emptying it into the toilet. The first time he went to poo on the potty he told me he was scared and I could also tell he was feeling a bit embarrassed/pressured. So I just told him it's OK, it will make me happy if he poos on the potty and I will give him chocolate then I left the room so he had no pressure. He did it and was very happy with his kit kat! From there on he's been doing it on the potty.

Thanks for all of the replies. Sounds like it's a really common issue. I've put the nappy back on her now just so she can do her poo. Problem is now she's held it on for a couple of days she's going to be blocked up so I think she's a bit constipated. Will await for her to go then put her pants back on and try again. We've also got a problem where she won't go for a wee in her nappy or on the potty now because she's scared of going for a poo. Complete nightmare but I'm making sure I keep really calm as I'm trying to help her relax. All very difficult

Back to basics so... that is tough but you will get there. If you can show her you're easy going about it all this will help.

Do you have a garden? I would let her be naked from the waist down, playing in the garden in the lovely weather with a potty available in the garden for her to use if she wants, no pressure, Beith a supply of buttons available for success! (worked for us!) good luck potty training is no fun!

I run a preschool and also my own dd had this problem so I can assure you it's very common. Like you, I think my dd had been constipated one time and it hurt to go, then she was scared of it hurting. We got Lactulose which softened it up so it's easier to go. Also with dd I found a nice warm bath worked, it relaxed her and she often asked to get out to poo...sometimes pooped in the bath but hey, I was grateful for anything when it had gone on a few days! Looking back I realised she didn't drink enough fluids... still has to be reminded.

It's just so difficult because she closes her legs when trying to go in her nappy which obviously makes it harder. In the few days she was going on the toilet she was going so easily because she was in that natural squatting position. Obviously it's impossible trying to explain that to a 3 year old though lol.

But she's always gone in her nappy ok up to this? It will be ok. Avoid binding foods and up oranges, pears etc.It's really important you're breezy. We had one incidence of this with Ds1, which I jad forgotten because he dropped nappies overnight, but he did sit on potty for it while we sang etc, as you say position was better. Warm bath a good idea.

www.janetlansbury.com/2014/08/3-reasons-kids-dont-need-toilet-training-and-what-to-do-instead/

This is very good.

@Heygirlheyboy thanks for the link. Makes me feel lots better that this is just a natural process and we just need to relax. I'm going to follow her lead and if she wants to use potty/toilet then great, if she doesn't then that's ok too. Going to go with the gentle guidance all the way.

Oh I'm so glad it's helpful, it takes the pressure off you both.