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Help, my youngest is inconsolable and screaming all the time

19 replies

pinkcarpet · 01/04/2020 08:06

Since we've been on lockdown my youngest DD (22mo) has been really clingy, angry, screaming all the time and goes nuts whenever I try to leave her, even when I put her down on the floor and walk into another room. I'm in a stressful professional service job and supposed to be working from home atm but with no childcare its virtually impossible to work because whenever she sees me she screams, literally ear splitting screaming, for at least 20minutes until I play with her. Her whole world has been turned upside down, and I get that, but I cannot stop working as I'm the main earner and we need my full salary coming in. She is also fighting her nap, refusing to go in the buggy for any walks, hardly eating, and bedtime is a complete battle, taking over an hour to get her down. She is also waking every couple of hours at night to breastfeed and obsessed about feeding during the day when 2 weeks ago she would happily just have 1 feed a day and now she's asking 5 or 6 times plus waking at night screaming for it. I am utterly fed up and if this carries on for 12 weeks I will be completely broken. Please please can anyone help me?

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 01/04/2020 09:36

Sounds like she could be unwell to me. Have you taken her temperature and tried her with a dose of calpol to see if her mood improves?

Pentium85 · 01/04/2020 09:40

She can most likely sense the change.
Have you go no family support etc? Can your job or DH job accommodate fewer hours?

Selfsettling3 · 01/04/2020 09:42

I would have said unwell too.

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BrooHaHa · 01/04/2020 09:45

Teething? Illness?

She might also be picking up on your anxiety and, not knowing why you're anxious, being extra clingy? It's a leftover from the time when danger in the form of predators might have been lurking- she knows she is safer with you.

midsummabreak · 01/04/2020 09:48

Ear infection? Is she rubbing or pulling her ears, temperature?

PurpleThistles84 · 01/04/2020 09:50

Poor baby, she sounds like she really needs you just now. Is there anyway you could take a holiday from your work, do you have any due? You could then spend time with just her getting her into more of a routine again and calming her obvious anxiety just now and hopefully by the time you work at home again she will be much more settled? If no holiday could you maybe request flexi working so you can dedicate some more time to her whilst she adjusts to this change?

pinkcarpet · 01/04/2020 11:02

I'm taking half days annual leave and splitting the day with my DH but when I try to go and work she goes crazy, a mix of fear and anger. Today I got up and hid in the spare bedroom so she's not seen me since 7am and although she screamed for 10mins when I wasn't there to get her dressed she's been a bit better since, only two tantrums so far this morning. She has a normal temperature although she does have a cough at the moment which has put me on edge

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Qgardens · 01/04/2020 11:05

Is it worth setting a timer and telling her you will play with her when that goes off? She might be a little young but it's worth trying.

pinkcarpet · 01/04/2020 11:22

I don't think she would understand a timer at all. She barely understands the concept of "later" and really struggles with waiting for anything

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Mylittlepony374 · 01/04/2020 11:32

Like others I'd try to first rule out unwell. When mine are like this it's been worms or ear infections. Only sign of either was behavior change. I took my then 20month old to GP because he was weirdly clingy like you describe. I felt stupid taking him, having no 'real' reason. He had infection in both ears quite badly. 3 year old got worms, only sign behavior change, someone said check for worms, sure enough that was it.
If she's not unwell, it's probably just anxiety at situation. Not sure how to help there, hopefully someone else can.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 01/04/2020 11:35

DD is 9 now but I vaguely remember something about her feeding lots when she had an earache. That would tie in with what the PP said?

Mylittlepony374 · 01/04/2020 11:35

Just to say I know it's tough. I'm WFH too and in a tiny house so I can't hide. I've resorted to TV as babysitter a few times when I really needed peace for a phone call etc.

cultkid · 01/04/2020 11:47

I would check her temp and I would also give her calpol as she may be teething but this doesn't always raise temp
Maybe her throat hurts and she doesn't have a temp
Check in 40 mins and see if she is more agreeable, if she is then potentially pain?
I would also suggest possibly not letting her see you in the morning and working upstairs
Even tell her you are going out to work so she doesn't look for you?
I really feel for you the whole thing sounds exhausting and emotionally draining xxx

worriedmama1980 · 01/04/2020 12:00

How hands on has her dad been before now? Was she in nursery, used to other children around? Is it a v big change, even from what you used to do at weekends?

I think the change is the hardest, we would never have spent this much time at home before, which in some ways is really nice but no grandparents, no parks, limited walks in the buggy has been a massive change.

We have a 17 month old and are splitting the day in two, working six days a week and evenings: so far she's taken to it pretty well but there has been a huge increase in breastfeeding also. When I'm there she wants to feed all the time, easily six times in a five hour period, when before it was strictly twice a day, first thing and on return home from childcare. We've had terrible nights since the weekend, we're thinking hour change might have contributed and also more screen time than she's used to face timing grandparents etc. Plus she's been unwell.

It's hard, and exhausting. We don't have a huge house but I hide upstairs so she doesn't see me and when I'm out of sight and she's playing with dad shes fine, but he'd always been v hands on and fun and she's used to time with him. I think the more routine the better: wake, snack, nap, lunch times. Could you start some new routines? Is anything comforting? Are there toddler friends you could try video calling with? It is a hugely unsettling adjustment for them, and a bad time developmentally for so much change I think.

It's v v hard, I guess all I can say is you're not alone and it will get better but maybe have a think about what routines you can swap on from nursery, and try and ride it out. But it does sound like she might be unwell which would be making it all worse.

CheddarGorgeous · 01/04/2020 12:08

She sounds unwell! Maybe ear or throat infection. Maybe try to get a telephone appointment with your GP. In the meantime Calpol? Does a warm bath soothe her?

pinkcarpet · 01/04/2020 14:06

Our GP surgery is shut at the moment. She doesn't seem ill to me although I've no experience of ear infection symptoms

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 01/04/2020 14:12

Have you tried giving her Calpol and seeing if she improves?

Canyoutellilikrchocolate · 01/04/2020 14:14

Flowers I’m also Wfh with a toddler similar age

PurpleThistles84 · 01/04/2020 14:55

If she was better with you hiding, that makes me think it’s a form of separation anxiety. Though I do agree it won’t do her any harm to give her a dose of calpol too and have a chat over the phone with her having a cough.

If she is learning to expect you to disappear at the same time each day, can you swap your times so you are working in the morning without letting her see you then have afternoon and evening free? Could you play lots of peekaboo and hide and seek with her so that she knows when you are away, you will come back? Maybe see if you could order some books about parents going away to work, that sort of thing?

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