A private pupil ahs confided in me... what do I do?

[Nat1H]

I am a music teacher and teach from home. A pupil who I have been teaching for about a year told me tonight that she was being bullied at school. She really does not want to tell her mum because she will go straight to school and cause a stink (who wouldn't), and she doesn't want to tell her teachers because she thinks they will make it worse. I tried to tell her to talk to the Head of Year at school, but she was having none of it.
What do I do? She was obviously worried and upset.

ring head of year

you haev to
everyc hidl matters

nothign cna be confidential

tlel ehad of yearof your rpedicament

Please tell head of year....

Did she say how bad it was or what she did want you to do?
I do think you have to say something but can understand you would not want her to find out you told. Is there a way it could be something the head of year 'spots' without her realising it came from you?
At the moment she at least feels she has someone she can confide in - no small issue when you are being bullied - and the last thing she needs is to feel betrayed.
Can you find out what the schools policy on bullying is/maybe let them know about this anonymously explaining your reasons?

You can't risk the child doing something silly. Must report it

thats why she told you so you can tell who ever needs to be told

Agree

How old is she? For me to betray a confidence such as this would depend on the age of the child. As jackstini has said, at least she feels she can currently confide in you. Speaking out might ruin that and possibly also your teaching relationship with her.

I would discuss it further with her for a while and try to persuade her to let you contact the school.

Yes I agree too, I think you have to do something. Perhaps not her Mum tho if she's worried about what she'll do. I'd say talk in confidence to the school and as Jackstini said they could perhaps "spot it" without being too dramatic. I would imagine that they ahve procedures to investigate this sort of thing?

Speak to a guidance teacher, she told you because she cant cope with this and needs help, she can see what the next tstep is or the bigger picture, I would tell her and reasure before I did anything.

I had a pupil confide in me once - she was 16 and wa very unsure hat to do.

I phoned the NSPCC helpline - they were very helpful

you can speak to the Head of Yr or find out if the school has a trained counsellor. I know some do. You can speak to the counsellor in confidence who can speak to the child in confidence and is in a position to tell the child how important it is to speak to her HoY.

Thnaks for your answers. She is in Year 8 and there a few boys in Year 11 who are, at the moment, calling her names and laughing at her. It is not physical as far as I can gather. I think she is so frightened because, apparently when she was in Y2, one of these boys was banging her head against a wall. She told me that when she saw him at her secondary school, when she was in Y7, she burst into tears and told a teacher what had happened. It was obviously very traumatic, and she is scared.
I don't want to betray her confidence - especially as she is so worried. Apparently she asked her mum if she could move schools last year, but I presume she didn't give a reason,and was told 'no'.
I may try talking a bit more about it next week when she comes for her lesson - ask her if she would like me to mention it to school.
Am in a complete quandry - if I worked in the school, I would have no qualms about sorting it out, but she has told someone who is completely unrelated to the school. I can't help thinking she has chosen me for a reason.

When people train to be teachers they are told that you can never promise confideitality, and while i understand that you are not employed by the school you still have a duty of care. She has told you becase she needs help and does not have the skills to know how to help herself. You need to tell someone so that they can help her. The welfare of the child comes first. I know that this will be hard and you ar eworried about losing her trust - but be honest with her tell her before you pass the information on and why, then you have not broken a confidence.

I teach music privately from home too and similar situations have cropped up for me occasionally too...I treat it as a plea for help and sometimes I have quitely informed the parents (I usually know them quite well too)..on a couple of occasions parents have approached me to find out if there is something wrong because the child wasn't acting "normally " and they thought I might be able to get them to confide...if there was a school councellor you could chat to I'd do that, the head of year idea sounds good too..the most important thing is that the child needs to be protected and freed from her fear...don't worry about betraying her confidence, she probably told you because she trusts that you can put things right

she is telling you because she wants something done and she obviously thinks you will try to handle it in a low key way - thats why shes told you about how afriad she is of her mum and the teachers reaction. Is my theory anyway.

When I worked with volunteers who we matched to work with vulnerable young people the policy was that the young person knows from the start that most of the stuff they say is confidential but that anything they tell you that makes you think they might come to harm they have to tell. We always said to tell the child that we have to tell (in our case) Social Services because we all want to keep them safe. I think you should tell the girl next time you see her that you're worried about her because of what she said and that you have to tell someone - you could discuss with her who that might be, whether it's her parents or the year head or a teacher and ask her if she's like you to attend any meetings with her (if you can do that) as she obviously trusts you. In the vast majority of cases I would say that a child discloses something like this becasue they know you can help. If you put it her that you have to, that you have no choice, I think she will be grateful to have it taken out of her hands.

Sorry if that's a bit long and waffly - I'm just rushing out and didn't want to not post.

Try to encourage her to speak to her parents. Ask her if she would like you to speak to them. She knows that her parents would support her at school but she doesn't want them to go in all guns blazing. Maybe if you spoke to her parents or were there when she did, they might approach things in a calmer manner that she would find more helpful. Let her know that the situation cannot continue the way it is doing. Say that you will speak for her or that you will stay with her if she wants you to while she tells her parents or head of year. As a final thing tell her that if she doesn't say something then you must. Don't do anything behind her back and give her every chance to speak to someone herself.
It's great that she feels she can trust you but you need other adults involved now to resolve this.

i would tell her parents tbh. They have a right to know and as a person who works in a school all child protection matters are dealt with very sensitively.
She has told you because she wants your help she doesn't know how to handle it but her parents will and the school would inform them anyway even if you rung them as they couldn't keep that from her parents.

I also teach music from home - and thank goodness this has never happened. Are you on the ABRSM forum? Loads of teachers on there and some of them must have had similar...