Formula feeding guilt

[username127879]

I had my baby 7 weeks ago and he was breastfed for the first 3 days.

Sadly I became very poorly and I had to go on medication that could be passed through the breast milk and would be harmful to my baby, so he had to go into formula.
Even though he is doing well on formula I just can't get passed my guilt, even though there was no choice.

I was so determined to breastfeed I did so much research so know all the benefits of breastfeeding and I am so worried I'm damaging my baby by formula feeding.

Even though my baby is doing well and growing beautifully, I feel sick with guilt every time I feed him from a bottle. It's like I'm poisoning him and I hate myself. I secretly resent my friends or anyone I see who can breastfeed, and feel like a failure in comparison.

I've even been thinking about stopping the meds and trying to relactate so I can feed him- even if it was just expressed milk in a bottle. I know logically that this would be stupid as I need the meds and would become so ill without them. But I just can't get passed it.

I know I need help but in the current times I feel like I can't waste anyone's time with this.
Has anyone got any advice? Does this feeling pass?

Bless you. You’ve done so well. You’ve grown and birthed a fabulous baby. He adores you. You are all he needs.

I totally understand the guilt. Similar thing happened with my first. Except I gave up at day 3 because I felt so overwhelmed and hadn’t slept for 3 days. Felt awful. Hated getting the bottle out. Ashamed. Well you know what I would give myself a stern talking to now. 13 years on and two more children. I’d say don’t waste one second of feeling guilty. You have done brilliantly! You have a stunning baby. Enjoy him, cuddle him, dance with him. Let go of the guilt.

Another positive thing you could do (which I also did wrong!) is plan for when you wean. Get some baby feeding books, some lovely new Tupperware and begin planning some lovely tastes you will introduce him to.

Congratulations xxxx

Thank you so much Annie. I really appreciate your lovely reply.

I love the idea of preparing for weaning. I would love to do baby led weaning when the time comes and it's such a good idea to start researching and getting excited about it now.
Thank you.

OP please don't do what I did 20 years ago and let feeding guilt spoil these precious first months with your baby. I lasted a few weeks BF with DD by mixed feeding; BF was destroying me and I should have stopped earlier. I then spent the next few months beating myself up.

DD is now 20. We had every example of feeding in our post natal group, from EBF to 12 months plus to bottle fed from Day 1. You could never tell the difference between them at any stage!

Fed is best. Have a quick cry that something you wanted so badly to work didn't work out for you. Then cuddle your warm, clean, loved baby and let it go

You’re welcome. Look someone else who is saying the same thing! Such lovely words. As a parent there is always guilt about things you hoped would happen or things you feel you’ve done wrong. You’ve just learnt early. You’ll be able to help friends later on. Like we are helping you now.

Letting go is a choice. Grieve and then be proactive. Work hard to not think about it.

You’ve got this! Lucky baby with a lovely mum xxx

I had my first baby at 21 and formula fed because really I had never changed a nappy nevermind trying to breastfeed a baby. She was the most laid back and content baby. She was always and still is so healthy I could count on my fingers how many times she has been to the doctor and she is a very intelligent girl too.

I had my second at 30 who is now 4 months and was so determined to breastfeed but stopped after 2 weeks as he wasn't latching correctly was losing weight and it was just not going well and I was so stressed. I beat myself up for a while over it so I know how you feel but honestly after I switched to formula and got over the guilt I felt so much more relaxed I knew how much he was drinking and he was gaining weight and a lot more content. Yes there's a lot of pros to breastfeeding but I found it very difficult and at the end of the day you will be weaning by 6 months and whether they are formula fed or breastfed it's only 1 year of their entire lives and it will not have an impact on their future health. So enjoy your baby and all the crazy exciting stages you will go through.and don't for a second feel guilty for doing your best