Advice needed from people who come from large families

[pyjamagirl]

Looking back on your childhood what did you hate about having lots of siblings and what did you like about having a large family.

My dh is one of 9. He definitely felt a lack of attention and input into his life. They were poor - but I don't think that bothered him.

On the plus side though, I think his relationship with his parents is a lot less intense than mine and consequently a lot less problematic. He also has few respnsibilities - ther's always some one closer by to call on. Jill

Thankyou

I liked the fact that I wasn't centre of attention and was allowed to get on with things without too much interferance. But sometimes I felt as though my parents hadn't thought things through - in terms of us having to share rooms and so on. It was nice always having a baby in the family.

Im one of 5 children (the eldest) I didnt hate anything about having lots of siblngs, in fact I loved it. Always someone to play with, safety in numbers at the play park, feeling part of a gang.
Maybe it was down to my parents treating us all the same, there was never any jealousy as it wasnt allowed and we were all treated the same and still are. Even now im 31 and youngest is 22 we are all still very close. Nights/meals out. My children have lots of uncles and aunties to play with. If i was in the right position I would have lots of children too.
Why do you ask PJgirl?

I am the eldest of six (20 years between me and the youngest) I loved having a big family and still enjoy it now. One of the things I hated when I lived at home was that we couldn't have friends round in the evening in case we woke the younger ones up. I also felt more distanced from my mum as a teenager because she was still caught up in the whole baby thing (we're very close now though)

However I really like the fact that I don't have (and never have had) my parents breathing down my neck. I am not under any pressure to "check in" constantly. DH is one of two and his parents moan if he doesn't ring them for a week. I could not speak to my parents for a month and everyone will be fine with that.There is always someone to talk to, especially when we turn up en masse to weddings etc it's great to have a whole tribe. Loads more reasons I like being part of a big family.

Why did you want to know?

I have 5 DC and just want to make sure they dont grow up hating their childhood ,peachypie thanks for all the response xxx

i am eldest of 10.

Loved - always haveing people around you
never feeling alone.

hated - having to share everything, never getting any peace and quiet, no space, money always tight, constant jokes from friends about parents constantly shagging.

although my cons list is longer than the pro, the pro far outweighs the cons.

i love being from a big family, and i also have a very large extended family. i love the fact that we tale over anywhere we go, that no matter what the problem i always have someone to turn to, its like being part of a gang. i loved the fact that i have brothers who have fit friends
i loved the fact that no matter what i did wrong there was always another crisis in ten minutes so my mistake was soon forgotten, that i didn't need a dolly as there always seemed to babies around, that being at home was always loud and fun and never boreing.

I sometimes feel guilty about only having two children with absolutly no desire to have anymore.thankfully there is only a year between my youngest brother and my son so he gets some of teh benefits of the large family....plsu he is bound to have a lot of cousins

Think you just described my house mamazon

I'm eldest of four, which I guess isn't that big. But bigger than most of my friends. Absolutely loved it.

And the best bit is that the parental insanity (bizarre phone calls and stories that go nowhere) is now split evenly among four grown-up children. Poor DH on the other hand is one of two...

dp is an only 'child'.

i am one of 4 (or five if you start getting all complicated but i wont)... i loved it.

i wouldve had more, too. but i think i burned out having 3 on the trot like that... besides, they already have an older brother from dps last marriage, so that makes 4.

you need siblings imo. well, you dont need them to survive, like. but mine have saved me and made me in so many ways.

Not really big, but I'm eldest of four

Good things - lots of 'stuff' happening, always felt like our house was the 'play' house in the neighbourhood 9although that was driven by a combination of parental attitude/laxness & larger family!); loved having little siblings - watching them grow up, 'corrupting' them gently with unsuitable make-up etc . I always felt like I was one of a litter, iykwim. Redaing other posts, yes I agree that it made for more relaxed parental relationships (although as the first I had more 'pressure' than the others, I suspect.

Not so good - actually, very little - the house was always untidy and chaotic, & that embaressed me a bit as a teenager. I know now that my mum resented being a mum for as long as she did (there were 13 years between us) - and I have always slightly resented her making that clear. She also never 'looked after me' in the way that most of my friend's mum's do, but I was always closer to my dad. But that's more as much about her her as about about large family ness

youngest of five

loved - the company, the attention from siblings when younger. when older, being able to merge with the crowd and not be centre of attention at any time (though that might have been neglectful parenting).

hated - being very poor! always in hand me downs, never anything new (sounds shallow I know). could never afford to go on school trips, proper holidays, only clapped out cars. no privacy. could never bring anyone home.

I would say that NOW i.e. as an adult it is really great, no real downsides apart from the massive size of my family means we don't really fit into one house

oh and despite the downsides it was a fantastic childhood and I wouldn't hve had it any other way

Interesting harsi - I was just thinking that what DIDN'T bother me was all the 'reasons' I give myself why I shouldn't have more kids - which are about the sensible financial stuff - I never noticed that as a kid. We went on holidays in a clapped out camper va or went to visit granny. Didn't everyone?
But then perhaps that's partly about being the first rather than the last...?

also youngest of 5, love it love it love it, never ever wished for anything else, feel really bad that i haven't got it in me to have lots myself but blimey - it must have been hard for my parents! but then also good in the long run. Well done you. just try to give the eldest the same slack you give the youngest - i think i got the better deal in my family!

yes, maybe. I didn't notice when I was a little kid I suppose but it did bother me being so different as I got older tbh. queueing for free school meals and all that. never quite in the right school uniform etc.
and always being so fecking hungry .
like I say:
shallow

oh the never having the right clothes was always a pain but as i was the eldest i was luckier than my younger siblings...especially the boys.

the financial side was probably the worst thingas it had an impact on a lot of otehr things. socialising at school you alwyas felt left out as you couldnt' go on days out or school tripos because we couldn't afford it....you then felt left out at school on monday when everyone was talkign about whathad happened.

but i had my own stories of going scrumping with my brothers or fishing with my dad or whatever.

I was the only girl among 5 children. When we were little we travelled a lot and became quite isolated - we didn't need friends because we had each other. This has made our relationships with each other very intense and inter-dependendent. My father was very dominating and that affected the way we saw our future relationships.

I think that it was too easy for my parents to let us be self-contained. They were both from abroad and so we didn't have extended family either.

Those are the downsides, the upsides are just having lots of different experiences and having lots of big brothers made me feel protected in a way.

Sorry if I've missed the boat, but I wanted to say something about being sixth of seven children.

I think I was really lucky to come from such a big family (six girls and a boy), and we're all close now (I've been in contact with three of my siblings just today). However, on the down side, I think I felt a bit lost sometimes - it's easy to feel overlooked when you're not the loudest/oldest/youngest etc., and also I always wanted to be ahead and catch my big sisters up, wishing my childhood away.

Still, the pros of a big family definitely outweighed the cons for me (and my siblings too, I hope!).

Again, a late entry.

I'm fourth in a family of eleven. I think I missed out on parental attention, you were only ever one voice in the crowd. The financial aspects didn't bother me so much, in fact these days I'm grateful for the 'make do and mend' mentality as I can cook a meal from scratch, manage a budget, and have got through two degrees without going into debt.

However, there has always been a sense that it did damage to my self esteem. One of the problems of being a member of a large family is that there is always someone who is better at anything than you. It took me a long time to recognise where my strengths are and for many years my overriding memory of my parents is of people with not enough time to speak to me. Unlike many others, I have very little contact with my siblings now, apart from the occasional phone call and visit. It helps, of course, that most of them live 12000 miles away. I had to wait unitl I was out from under their collective shadow to shine, so I'm in no hurry to go back. This is true of the vast majority of my brothers and sisters. Polite conversation and the occasional party, nothing more.

There are, of course, upsides. We all are fiercely independant, and, to a large extent, quite solitary. I could change a nappy and make up a bottle by the age of seven, parenthood held no real fears for me, I'd handled plenty of babies before. I've been financially independant since I was 16, know how to produce food from nothing more than a few widow boxes and know how t sew, knit and mend (though admittedly I'm not very good at any of these)

Mamzon is so right about the shagging jokes. It becomes deeply embarassing during the adolescent years.

Eldest and HATED it. How to make it better- dont make the eldest the 'responsible' one. Let them be a child too- they didn't choose to have the large family.
Give them some space, and peace and quiet, and spend time with them on their own, as they did have you to themselves once!
Positive things are I'm very independent, have always been able to look after myself, had no problems when I left home etc.
Sorry- I sound really negative, but I still resent it, and even now (after 14 yrs together) sometimes want to spend time alone, away from Dh. I really need my space.