Frustration with baby. Help!!

[piperm]

I'm 15 years old and a mother, I know that's not what alot of people will be happy with but keeping my son was the best decision I've ever made!
Lately due to covid-19 the father hasn't been able to visit and help when I'm frustrated, it's extremely hard for me due to the fact i haven't gotten any breaks with my two month old son, lately he's been more upset, some nights he takes forever to sleep and with very little sleep i get i get angry easily, I know my son does not know any better and won't for a long time but I've caught myself at times being rougher with him then I mean, for example I'll pat his back a bit harder than intended, or I'll hold his pacifier in his mouth while he screams , or at times i pick him up roughly (like quickly) and it's tearing me apart, i feel like i am an absolute awful mother and I'm scared of telling anyone but the father because I'm so scared I'll lose my baby, he means everything to me and I really want to figure out how to stop this, please if there's any advice or anyone has gone through the same thing i would feel better knowing I'm not alone thank you!!

You shouldn't be judged on here for keeping your baby, that's a choice you've made and you're entitled to that. Tiny babies are such hard work aren't they? Even with two parents on hand it's tough so it's no wonder you're struggling, i feel for you. They can often pick up on your anxiety and stress so even though it's hard please just try to remember he's little, try and stay calm and if you need to just make him safe and leave the room to have a breather if the crying gets too much. Try and sleep when you can, leave non essential house work and snuggle your little one. You can't spoil a newborn.

Keep chatting on here, you're not alone

Are your parents around to help? Yes babies at this age are really tough - they go through sleep regressions during growth spurts or even when gaining weight. If you are sure you are feeding him enough then maybe share how you feel with one of your parents and see if they can help with him during the day so you can sleep then.

No my parents are not helping, if anything they cause more stress than anything,my mother tries helping giving me an hour break but my father gets very angry telling her it was my choice and i can do it alone, he eats plenty and gains an amazing amount of weight

Talk to your mum about this away from your father. It could be a start of postnatal depression and you will need all the support you can get. Ideally if your mum can sleep in the same room as you it would be ideal but if not perhaps she could take the baby off your hands during the day for a bit longer so you can sleep for longer stretches (she might be able to feed). But this assumes your dad won’t become abusive towards your mum for helping you.

If you haven’t already try a dummy with him as that may help soothe him to sleep. Another thing to try is basically to put him down in a safe space when you feel angry. Don’t touch him if there is any risk of you being rough and make sure your bf doesn’t use your state of mind as an excuse to be rough with the baby himself. If there is any risk of him being violent towards the baby he shouldn’t come round.

Father is amazing and always calm with our son, I've known him for a long time and I trust him to know he won't do anything, so I'm thankful for that

I don't live with parents i moved out due to the stress my father caused during pregnancy (and before that), lots of arguments and that's not a household i want my son growing up knowing, mom and dad are home at same time so it's very difficult when she takes him without my dad realizing she's helping me, and she hasn't been able to visit either lately due to the fact she traveled to Florida and I don't want to risk my son getting the virus if she brings it back with her

Do you have a family nurse? I would chat to them about how your feeling. Who do you live with and can they help with the nights?

I found nights extremely difficult with both of mine. I would reach out to your mum and ask for help. I had post natal depression with my first and this was a sign for sure.

Bless you, it's such a very hard time even for adults/experienced mums etc. Well done for identifying that you need some support. However finding it difficult or feeling overwhelmed or even feeling some resentment is very normal, but what you have described in your post is a little bit past that and is worrying me a little. Please phone your health visitor at the earliest opportunity and tell her exactly what you've put here, read it out if it's easier. You obviously love your baby very much and believe me, he will not be taken away from you (I work in child protection) but you do owe it to him to be gentle with him and to yourself to get some support. Be brave and make that call. Keep posting here too. Take care, these are tough times for everyone and everyone is feeling more isolated than normal so you need to speak up and get some support before the acts of frustration that you describe here, turn into something a little bit worse. Take care.

It's a good idea to speak to your HV about this. Early motherhood is rough, we all need some support and help at times, please do ask for it.

Is there any supportive group for young mums around? It's great to have mum mates you can vent to. The Mush app is good for finding someone to chat to as I doubt groups will be running for a while!

Keep talking to your mum and ask for a bit if time when you need it.

If you can feel yourself getting angry or frustrated try to notice it early and think about ways to calm down. Sometimes just playing some music or taking a deep breath can take the edge off. If you feel unsafe or are seeing red put your baby somewhere safe, like their crib, and just step away for a minute or two.

Your dad sounds like a right tool. I had a baby young too OP, I thought my frustrations then were because of my age, but then I had a second child later on, and it was even worse. A screaming baby is a very difficult thing to deal with. I especially struggled to cope, and even now screaming babies stress me out.
I don't have much advice on how to stop the crying, because I never managed to figure out a cure, and I tried everything.
Could you maybe luse headphones, obviously only whole the baby is with you and you can see him, but just to block out the noise? I don't mean put him in another room and wear head phones.
Is there anywsy the father could come and stay with you for a while until the worst of this is over, so you are not alone? Being isolated is not easy.
Something that helped me a little, was to remember (because it's easy to forget when you are so stressed and irritated) is, he is just a little baby. He is not doing this to annoy you, he needs his mum and he is crying because something is probably annoying him, like wind, or reflux etc.

Sorry, so many mistakes 🙄

You sound caring and devoted - you’re doing great. I had the exact same experience with my DD. Did every night alone and some were HARD. You have to dig deep to get through and keep your shit together which is tough going isn’t it? Mums are still human so whatever you do don’t punish yourself. Someone told me once ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’
It’s hard to give 100% every night when you have nowhere near the rest you need to deal with that. I would try reading up on mindfulness and breathing techniques to help soothe you when you feel overwhelmed - simple but times are tough atm and access to help from the father and your mum seem limited right now due to various reasons.
You’ll get through this, you sound strong OP.

Hi OP I remember feeling this with my baby too (I think everyone does at some point). You just need to find out why your baby is crying - has he got wind or reflux? Is he happier in a bouncer or laying flat? Or could he be too hot/cold? As other people have said, you need to keep telling yourself that he is just a baby and he doesn’t mean to cause you stress, babies just don’t know how to communicate what they want or need and that’s why they cry.
Another thing to remember is that babies do pick up on your stress/anxiety. When I was feeling stressed with my newborn I used to have a bath with her, just run some nice warm water and lay there with her, it makes them feel like they’re in the womb again with the water and hearing your heart. You could also feed him in the bath as this is a bonus but you don’t have to if he’s not hungry. Then I would lay mine down and give her a light massage with baby oil and get her dressed then just snuggle on the sofa or in bed until bed time. It really does help and makes them feel secure and relaxed, give it a go. My girl is two years old now and I still use the bath as a way to calm her if she’s in a temper. I hope things improve for you OP.

Have you got a sling? When mine was really tiny and not hungry or wet, but still screaming nothing would soothe him as well as walking around with him in the sling.

Small babies are incredibly hard work whatever age you have them, and sleep deprivation and no respite make everything x1000 worse.

The best advice i was given when it was tough was “parent like you’re being filmed” . That way you do the right thing even when you don’t feel like it inside, and after a while you internalise it and it just becomes your natural way of interacting with your baby.

Best of luck - lockdown is hard with a baby and alone. To comfort you - i’m 41 and my dd2 is currently 17 weeks old, and took a real turn for the better at 8 weeks (really started to understand day/night, became less refluxy, more interactive) so if you’ve made it to 2 months you’ve done the absolute hardest bit. With dd1 i thought it got a bit easier at 8 weeks, easier again at 6 months, easier again at 12 months, and by 18 months i was genuinely loving motherhood. It does come.

Grumpyhoonmain
Ideally if your mum can sleep in the same room as you it would be ideal

I'm sorry but I think this is terrible advice!

You have chosen to have a baby at 15. They often sleep poorly at night. Unfortunately, you will have to start finding coping strategies for managing a short temper on sleep deprived days as you have a child now, and you must take responsibility for that. It is extremely hard.

If you feel unsafe or are seeing red put your baby somewhere safe, like their crib, and just step away for a minute or two.

This is really good advice. Focus on meeting your babies needs, wants are less important. If they are fed, being held, clean nappy, calm environment and are still fussing, it's not your fault and it's ok to put them down and take 5 mins to get a drink and a breather.

If you aren't living with your parents, where are you? At 15 you aren't old enough to support yourself.