"Healthy neglect", leaving your child, never leaving your child- what are your views? (Long, sorry)

[bramblina]

I've been wondering for some time now how other people view the amount of time they should spend with their child/ren?

I never intended to return to work after having my first child, and wanted to be a full-time, hands-on Mum. So far I have done so; in 2 years I have spent 8 days (9am-4pm) away from him to go on some business courses, on these days my Husband, Mum or Auntie looked after him. When dh is home he usually puts him to bed, but I have never been out of the house when he has gone to bed. We go to 3 toddlers' groups a week and visit friends regularly, MIL occasionally (once every 3 weeks?) takes him for an hour to see his great papa but other than that I do everything with him- we baked cookies yesterday, we build with his bricks, paint, playdough, playpark, beach, do jigsaws- i don't do much housework other than hoovering, washing, cooking and sweeping in the day, mostly spend our time doing things.
Recently, having a conversation with a friend when she asked why I don't put him in the local childcare centre for a few hours per week, I told her I believe it's my place to raise my son, plus I feared he wouldn't be given the same attention in there that he gets at home- she replied "but that's life".
It got me thinking- that is life, am I luring him in to a false sense of security by spending so much time with him? I am firm in my discipline, he knows what he is and isn't allowed, he is not spoiled, he is a contented boy, he does spend 10 minutes or so alone playing with his toys, he doesn't hang off me all day, I just really enjoy his company and believe I can give him the best....but now wonder what is the best?
He will start nursery next summer and I do plan to put him in childcare now and again to prepare him, but not untill maybe March. Plus I'm expecting a baby in May so there will be lots of changes in store!

Lucky kid

I raised my first child similarly until she started nursery (although appreciate it's not the ideal or feasible for everyone..) Once his sibling(s) come along things will change organically anyway.

You really are a lovely bunch! Thanks all for your lovely comments.

Juuule you make me laugh, re. famine!

Mummydoc, cinema and restaurants are 70 miles away so was not really used to that in the first place! I have been out for a few nights to pub, MIL will babysit (lives close) but she's a bit reluctant to be asked more than is necessary. Plus I'm usually too knackered to be bothered nowadays!

My dh works away, usually 6 days per week so we don't have a weekend as such, he is often home Wed/Thur/Fri. This is another reason for asking the questions in the first place- because it really is me that ds sees so much of- from waking till he goes to bed, that's what made me think about this. If dh was home every night it would be a little different. Even if dh is busy when he comes home, if he just bathes ds or takes him in the garden for half an hour I think this is a great deal- just a different face, different rules etc, which I think he may "need".

Scattyspice, there's no "problem" but I sometimes wonder do I get wrapped up in my own little "idyllic" world and fail to see that ds could actually benefit from things I never considered would be a part of his upbringing? We all do what we think is best for our dcs, but we all know some of these things aren't actually right, it's just what we want for them, IYSWIM? Not sure I'm making sense here though.

Themadhouse- your situation sounds like what I would like, and I'll bear that in mind.

Helenelisabeth- good luck with the birth!!

It's not that I'm bothered what others think, but I really like to consider othere people's opinions as it broadens mine! Sometimes we can't see what's at the end of our nose...

Thanks! I was pretty chuffed too!!!!

So you're doing a bit of healthy self-analysis. You sound like you're giving your child the very best. He has grown up with lots of close bonds and will be confident to form new ones.

I do read between the lines that you think he's in for a shock when he gets into nursery? There is always a point where every first child stops being the centre of his world and has to fit into someone else's and that time will come when he starts nursery. He will be a strongly bonde grounded child when he arrives and so I doubt whether he'll go through major trauma, but he will have to adjust.

Many children start nursery not ever having done any structured play and really can't handle having to conform to rules that aren't mum's or their own. The only thing I could suggest is that you do things with him that encourage turn-taking (starting with rolling/catching balls). Also, try to strike up a friendship with another child going to the same nursery.

Good luck good mum!

Hello i am also SAHM with first ds (15 months) and I love it! Again, he's hardly been away from me at all, and on those rare occasions he's been with dh so with someone he loves and trusts. We visit my parents most weekends for a few hours but they are getting on in years and not really able to cope with an overnighter. Most of the rest of both sides of family is abroad. We go to toddler, music, gym classes and to friends houses where he mixes with kids of similar ages and sees friendly adult faces, so I don't think he's deprived of company. TBH, I had a wild time in my twenties and early thirties and now I'm a homebuddy I really don't mind it at all. Feels like its the right time for me to be doing this mothering thing and its just the best feeling. So bramblina, i'm totally in support of you! Let's give them all the love, fun and time we can as they will be hulking hairy six footers before we know it.

sorry should read toddler, music, swim classes, dh was talking about gym when I was typing!

Yes Mrs Marvel that's exactly it, self analysis, and I'm hoping it is healthy!

Yes I do worry about him suddenly coming across a feeling of abandonment and feel it's something I could "soften"-? Though I do feel he is quite confident and in another year's time will be even more so. He is quite an emotional little boy too, close to those he really loves and does really thrive on one to one. As I said though he doesn't hang off me when we're at toddler groups, but I notice there's a difference between him and the children who spend all day in childcare- though I wouldn't swap it for the world. I just don't see them having the same issues ds may have.

But as is my job, I shall worry
Thank you all for wonderful rewarding posts. 'Tis the best job, isn't it?