Feel like I'm doing everything wrong

[UterusesBeforeDuderuses]

I have a 4 week old DD and I love her so much but I'm seriously struggling.
She was EBF from birth however by day 3 had lost 12.5%, got re-admitted to hospital and put on a formula top up plan, she quickly gained back the weight and was doing great.
I've always wanted to EBF, I didn't manage it with my DS and it messed with my mental health. I've been slowly phasing out her formula top ups and we're very nearly back to EBF now, but she seems to be so unhappy. She sometimes spends hours breastfeeding and cries in frustration, I know about cluster feeding but she seems to be so unhappy. 90% of the time she won't nap unless on me and at night she won't sleep unless she's bed sharing with me, which is not something I had planned on doing as I'm worried about it not being safe.
I'm questioning everything I'm doing and crying all day. I can't drive yet due to csection and not having people over anyway due to social distancing, so I'm just spending all day alone on the sofa feeding and trying to make her happy.
Sorry for the long post, I don't know what I want from this really, reassurance from someone that's been there? Has anyone phased out formula top ups successfully? Has anyone successfully stopped bedsharing? Just reassure me it gets better (I don't remember it being like this with DS)

Hi! We topped ds up with formula from birth as he was prem and was too sleepy to feed properly at first! We did phase them out as he got stronger and visits from breastfeeding supporters helped me with his latch etc. However, we actually went back to giving him a bottle in the evening as I found it gave me a break, dh a chance to feed him and kept him used to taking both, which I feel took some pressure off a little.

Can't help with bed share advice, but I know the lullaby trust has some solid guidance on it to help people do it safely. Do you have a next to me cot? Maybe start moving her gradually further away on the bed, then in to her cot?

Don't be so hard on yourself, sounds like you're doing a fantastic job under difficult circumstances xxxx

Also just wanted to say I love your username 😀

@Fivebyfive2 haha thanks! And it's good to know that it is possible and people have phased out the top ups, although like you once everything's settled we'll probably give a bottle in the evening. It's just so hard and tiring in the early days, but got to keep reminding myself it does get better! x

I had to top up until DD was about 7 weeks old. Then my milk supply came in good and proper and away we went! She took a bottle of expressed milk every now and again so Dad could get involved And I got a break. We had snuzpod next to my bed which was perfect to deal with night feeds as I didn't have to get up. Hang on in there, it gets easier!

This is normal, I went through the same with DS who was tube fed formula due to being admitted to neo natal with low blood sugar and I lost a lot of blood during c section (and a significant bleed before) hence emergency c section and couldn’t pump for the first few hours. I moved to EBF once we left hospital. It was HARD. Your baby is feeding because they need to increase your supply. If you want to do this my advice is, if they cry, pick them up and feed them: if that means they are constantly on your boob then do it. It does get better and it won’t last forever. Your partner if you have one needs to make you drinks, food, and look after all the other things. You need to put a Netflix box set on and follow your baby’s lead. Your babywants to sleep on you or near because it helps your hormone / milk supply. You baby is doing exactly what they need to be doing. This is all normal for a breast fed baby. I also didn’t want to co sleep because of the worry, I didn’t for the first three months, it was an unhappy sleep deprived household and I now do co-sleep at night following safe go sleep guidelines. It works for me. Make the decision that’s right for your family. If your partner is home you could get them to watch over you while you take a power nap with your baby so you atleast get a little rest, or they could cuddle baby whilst you nap close by. Stick this out it’ll be ok.

Also I just want to add, my mum is a LLL breastfeeding leader. You do have enough milk for your baby, and you can breastfeed. It’s hard whilst you both learn how to do it effectively. You will need support. La Lache league is brilliant and will home visit and groups or send leaflets / info online, reach out the support it great and there will be lots of others in the same position

We phased out formula top ups! Very similar to you - readmitted for a night due to too much lost weight then formula top ups.

Phasing them out was hard. It was just me and DS so trying to express after every feed, then him wanting to feed every half hour. It was exhausting. Utterly exhausting. But I never had to buy a steriliser so I guess that's the upside. He was EBF by about 7 weeks I'd say and still has one feed a day, at bedtime (he's 2).

@Rainwaltz thanks for the advice, I'll definitely check them out x