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Original poster

Should DD come and visit me in hospital?

21 replies

Chirpygirl · 08/09/2007 22:27

Okay, so DD is 19 months and I am her sole carer, we haven't been apart for more than 8 or 9 hours once or twice a month during the day since she was born.
She is currently going through a very clingy ' I only want mummy' stage
I am due with no.2 in the next few weeks and will not be having a homebirth (don't want to get into it here as am but anyway) so I will be in hospital.
Hopefully I will be in and out, but worst case I have another CS and am in for 3 or 4 days.
DH thinks I should let her visit but I am of the opinion it will be too painful for both of us to see each other and then have her leave without me (screaming and kicking if I know her!). Surely better for one separation then lots?

Opinions please?

OP posts:
Nemo2007 · 08/09/2007 22:29

I was worried about this when I went in to have both my girls and neither time were any of the other children bothered at all. They gladly waved hello and goodbye as they were having lots and lots of fuss made. Just wouldnt want her there the first day due to discomfort and that could be upsetting for her.

Original poster
Chirpygirl · 08/09/2007 22:33

Thanks Nemo. How old were your other kids? I am just worried that I can't explain that I will be home soon, but also I would hate not to see her for 3 days [big wuss!]

OP posts:
AngharadGoldenhand · 08/09/2007 22:33

I would let her visit - at least she still gets to see you. Dh could let her help him choose you a small gift each time she came in or get her to draw you a picture.

Maybe you could record some stories beforehand so she could hear your voice at bedtime while you're in hospital?

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Frizbe · 08/09/2007 22:35

I think she should visit, otherwise she may resent the new baby if you suddenly turn up with it, my ss came on the 1st day when dd1 was born, and dd1 was there 1st day dd2 was born, which I think helped them both bond a bit (ss was round as soon as his mum let him visit! he lives a way away!) make sure the new baby has a present for her when she gets there and she'll be happy

Chandra · 08/09/2007 22:36

You know your DD better than anyone else and if you think that a visit would make things more difficult for her, then so be it. Let her stay at home.

however, it may be the case that in a few weeks time your DD is not longer suffering from separation anxiety and happily wave you bye bye even on your way to hospital.

Frizbe · 08/09/2007 22:36

for the record here, dd1 was 2.5 when dd2 was born. ss was 5 when dd1 born.

Nemo2007 · 08/09/2007 22:37

chirpy when I had DD1 ds was 26mths, when I had dd2 ds was 38mths and dd1 was 12mths.

Original poster
Chirpygirl · 08/09/2007 22:38

The new baby is getting her her own baby (a doll) which I can get DH or MIL to bring into hospital if I need to!

OP posts:
Bouquetsofdynomite · 08/09/2007 22:38

Who else do you have to look after her?
My dd (20m at the time) stayed at my inlaws the night before my elective CSec, they handed her over to DH in the hospital carpark the next evening so they could visit me. He took DD home for the night and dropped her at my parents (or another relative I forget now) the 3rd day so he could pick up me and the baby.
That way she met DS on neutral ground when we came to collect her and thought he was a lovely present for her! Apparently coming home to see mummy with new baby on your sofa is more traumatic.
I didn't want her to come to the hospital and have to go home without me, would have upset both of us.

Bouquetsofdynomite · 08/09/2007 22:39

PS she didn't miss me one bit by all accounts. Honestly, it's out of sound out of mind at that age.

Original poster
Chirpygirl · 08/09/2007 22:43

Hmm, good to know ages as she is quite a lot younger than yours were, but then it might be easier as she wouldn't understand 'new baby' as much IYSWIM.
PLus MIl will be making a huge fuss and allowing her dog to run riot in my house which will be exciting in itself

OP posts:
Original poster
Chirpygirl · 08/09/2007 22:45

'I didn't want her to come to the hospital and have to go home without me, would have upset both of us.'

That's exactly what I am thinking. I was suggesting to DH that she comes with him to pick me up and take us home so I don't walk in the house with a new baby.
Unfortunately we have no family living nearby and IL's are driving down to look after her especially when I go into hospital so no chance of neutral ground apart from actual ward.

OP posts:
maisym · 08/09/2007 22:48

she could come & see you & have a pressie for the baby and the baby could give her one. She'll see so grown up to you compared to your baby and she might feel bigger as well.

Bouquetsofdynomite · 08/09/2007 22:51

She will love all the attention from grandparents and won't even notice your other half slipping out to see you. Get your ILs details of zoos, farms etc and keep her busy and spoilt.
Re neutral ground etc, if she's at home and you come in with new baby that's ok, she'll know mummy's got a present for her. She is generously inviting the baby/vampire in iyswim.

anynamewilldo · 09/09/2007 00:07

When i had my dd2, i told my mum that i didnt want dd1 to come to the hospital she was 22mths old and it was the first time that we had been apart. I didnt want her to resent the new baby for keeping me away, thankfully i was only in for 2 days. She came with dh to pick us up from the hospital and she also helped my mum put up banners for the new baby to come home, and there was a doll waiting for her in the hospital from the new baby, I also told friends and family that when they visited for the first time to make a fuss of dd1 before going anywhere near the baby as i didnt want her to feel left out. also we would not allow visitors for the first 2 days that we came home as we wanted family time, and time to adjust, most of our friends understood.

Whatever you decide to do make sure all involved in the care of your dd now in advance what your wishes are, and also what your wishes are when you come home, if you dont want loads of visitors descending on your doorstep let them know too.

scattyspice · 09/09/2007 20:09

DS was 20 mnths when I had DD. He came to visit and I made sure I was totally available to cuddle, play with him and give present. He was fine.

Also having DD allowed DH and DS to spend more time together and get closer, good allround.

wulfricsmummy · 09/09/2007 20:25

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Original poster
Chirpygirl · 09/09/2007 20:34

Thanks for sharing!
I'm now thinking I might get her to come in, at least once, going by everyone else's experiences. I know I will be upset without seeing her for a few days and it is the only way MIL will be able to see her new GC as well (she will be champing at the bit to get into hospital!)

It is very reassuring to hear about people's experiences though, so keep sharing!

OP posts:
WestCountryLass · 09/09/2007 22:06

If it were me I would have the older child come to the hospital to see the new baby on her own special visit before Mummy comes home with the new baby invading her terratory.

coleyboy · 09/09/2007 22:16

I think your dd would probably love to see you, and even though you will have lots of things going on, you will miss her too.

And remember, you may not have to be in hospital that long. Even if you have a cs, if you and baby are well you can go home the next day.

Good luck xx

Mungarra · 10/09/2007 07:04

My DS1 was nearly 2 when DS2 was born. I was only in hospital for one night but DS1 came to visit about 8 hours after the birth with DH.

We have some lovely pictures of the first time they met at the hospital. We didn't have any problems at all.

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