Leaving the house with a newborn

[Maya212]

My baby girl is 10 days old and I’m so scared to leave the house. I want too. I really want too and I NEED too! For my own sanity. I’m going crazy staying in staring at the same walls day in day out. Doing the same things day in day out. I feel so lonely and every day is just the same and I just sit and cry all day long because of this. I feel great within myself. I feel perfectly capable to go out but I just can’t bring myself to go out on my own.

For a start, getting out the house is a full blown military operation. I find it really difficult to get myself ready, get her ready and get all her things packed. I’m scared incase I forget to pack something essential for her. I get scared incase we’re out and she cries and I don’t know why. Stupidly, I’m scared of what others are going to think when I’m out with her and if she does cry, what will I do? I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous as I’m her mother but for a FTM this has been really scaring me! I’m scared incase I can’t get her pram set up or fold it down and I’m stuck. I’m scared incase I can’t get her car seat in the isofix base (as it’s quite fidly) how do you mums do it? Am I being absolutely ridiculous or is this reasonable? Please tell me all first time mums feel this way! How do I get over this fear? It’s bringing me down and I remember the days when I could just go out with myself, purse and phone and I miss that. Now I have such a huge responsibility and staying indoors seems like the easiest thing to do but for my own mental health I need to do this! I need some reassurance and some friendly advice ...

I’ve been there. It does get easier. I had severe pnd and anxiety and was terrified of leaving the house.
I found planning little trips to meet other new mums was a help. Also I always made sure a nappy bag was packed with everything needed for a few hours (feeds, change of clothes, wipes, nappies etc). Then I felt like it was only myself and the boy to get ready.
It does pass I promise. Good luck. X

Do you have a partner? If so, go out together as some practice runs. Less chance of forgetting something and an extra pair of hands.

Otherwise just start out for going to little walks out of the house with them in the pram 20 minutes so if you forget something then you can always head back to the house.

Practice the car seat and the pram whilst they are asleep.

Talk to you health visitor is you think you need support with your mental health.

Have you just tried to take her for a walk?

Practice makes perfect. It’s can be so daunting in the early days but each time gets easier and easier. It’s just a case of going for it and if the worst happens, (poonami/cant get pram up etc) you can always head home. Ive recently had my 3rd and although experienced I still had the fear of going out solo for a good few weeks.
It’s very early days for you guys, maybe start with some little local walks and build from there?
Don’t rush yourself though, especially with the current situation. There’s all the time in the world to get out and about. Enjoy those precious newborn snuggles.

Start with just a short walk, then it won't matter if you have forgotten anything as it wouldn't take you long to get home anyway. Keep a changing bag packed and ready.
Try not to overthink it. Basically nappies, wipes, a change of clothes, and a feed if you are using formula. A spare blanket in case it gets colder.

I'm a FTM and my baby is nearly a month, so a few weeks ahead of where you are now.

You are not alone in feeling like this, leaving the house with baby feels like a mission with so much to think about.

I agree with the suggestion of starting with a short walk if you can...this helped me as if baby cried/needed something then I knew I could be back home soon. I could also choose the timings so would do it after a feed and nappy change so felt more comfortable to start with. I also felt much happier having popped outside for a bit. Have a nappy bag packed with bits and pieces and keep with the pram so it's always ready.

Then I built up to going to going out further in the car etc after this, spent quite a while when out fiddling around with the car seat/pram (and forgot I could park in a family space) so I would suggest you practise more in advance- but it wasn't the end of the world, no one stared or judged me, just took me a while to get it sorted!

I'm still building up to be able to do more but wanted to say I definitely felt like you did.

X

I constantly have a bag packed for DS now. His change bag consists of:

6 nappies in a zip bag (like a make up bag)
Nappy sacks (in the same bag)
A packet of baby wipes
2-3 bottles of ready made formula
2 muslin cloths (was 4 when he was newborn)
2 bibs
A sandwich bag with a fresh outfit, vest and socks (was babygrow when he was newborn)
A sterilised dummy with a hygiene cap on it (he doesn't even use a dummy so Lord knows why I have that 🤣)
A tiny tub of sudocrem
Hand sanitiser

He's 9m now so I have toys and snacks etc too, but above are the basics. Every night when we get home, I take out the dirty muslins, bibs etc and replace with fresh. I top up the milk if he's used it.

Before I head out, I add sterile bottles to his bag ready for the formula.

This helps me massively having it already packed and ready to go at any time xx

You've got to grit your teeth and do it! Have everything ready, feed, wind and change the baby, then go. Start off small then work your way up to staying out longer. I had the fear taking out my toddler and newborn together on my own for the first time but decided to just go for it. Went to the supermarket one day, a National Trust place the next and a city break in the UK one weekend. I'm now officially over it and happy to bung them both in the car/buggy and head out for the day. Just do it!

I agree with all the advice given above. You'll feel so much better once you've been out for your first walk. Congratulations

Don't worry about packing a bag - aim for a walk round the block! Then, when your partner gets home or youve got a helpful visitor, pack a bag that lives by the door, with someone on hand to talk it through with you.

If your baby cries people will think either poor Mum she is trying so hard, or what a cute baby or thank goodness am passed the early days/years. Babies and children, it’s what they do.

I have a 7 week old and the first few weeks we managed to get out a lot (soon stopped with pnd and anxiety 😔) but i found having the bag always packed with nappies etc and a few changes of clothes and a few cartons of the ready made milk then i just added a sterilised bottle and we could go

for your other worries, go on a few practise runs to the shop for something with your partner, a friend or family

Firstly, you’re not being ridiculous. Do not let anxiety convince you that your feelings are not valid or are not normal, because they’re totally fine.

Secondly, it gets easier, I promise you that. I remember the days of lugging around a backpack filled to the brim ready for every eventuality, nowadays I’m lucky if I remember a nappy.

One thing I found useful was as soon as DS had gone to sleep, I packed my changing bag ready for the next day. And I always had spares of everything in the bag and car.

Lay our babies clothes the night before ready for the morning, same with your clothes.

Shower in the evening to save time in the morning.

If someone judges you for your baby crying, they’re a knob. But I know it feels like all eyes are in you when you first start out.

You’ll relax into your new role as a mum, I promise. But in the meantime, if you need help, remember to ask.

DS is 3 months. Practice makes perfect. When baby has been changed and fed get them in the pram and head out just for a walk. Get the bag packed when you've got time so ideally when someone is there to help. I have a bag packed all the time with nappies, wipes, changes of clothes, bibs, cloths, formula, teething powders and his gaviscon. That means all I have to add is sterile bottles. It definitely gets easier.

Don’t even bother with a bag. It sounds like stuff is stressing you out more than the baby.

Put the baby in the carrier, sling, pram, whatever, and go out. Take your keys, phone, and debit card. Carrier, sling has the advantage, as no need to worry about wheels, or layers, so much. Go to the shop, round the block, to the park, wherever is very local. Get some fresh air. If the baby cries a bit, sway and pat. If the baby cries more than a bit, you can head back.

The next time you go out, take a spare nappy and a wipe. Go a bit further, if you want. Try a coffee in somewhere with a sofa you can put baby on next to you and a baby change. Perhaps meet a friend for half an hour. Then go home.

I honestly think massive lists of stuff you feel like you must have or be seen to have, and baby equipment you feel you have to master instantly, is much harder work than taking the actual baby out.

I remember my first outing with DD11months, I did a bit walk around the block and stopped in a pub up the road and sat and had a coke. I fed Dd, text my SIL to say I was outside yay, then walked back home. Every day I got a bit further and before I knew it I was going to cafes etc.

We've had the odd meltdowns that were a little bit embarrassing, but honestly all you really care about is sorting your baby out and you stop caring what other people are thinking! And this is from someone with really bad social anxiety.

Good luck 💐💐💐💐 so jealous of 10 day old baby cuddles!!

Start with a short walk after a feed so you know your baby isn't hungry. You don't have to go far the first time, and then you can build up.

I some cultures you're expected to stay at home for the first couple of weeks, so don't expect to be able to go out do a full weeks shop and get your hair done with baby in tow just yet or ever

Start off with just a really short walk round your local area. You'll be great! :-)

Day 14, first day just me & DS, had to call my husband from ASDA car park to ask how to collapse the buggy. It got better from there.

I found leaving the car seat in the car was easier as I found it really heavy to carry, especially in the early post birth days. Our going out bag was always packed and topped up so as soon we were ready we could go out. Start small so a quick walk or pop to the shop and then build up from there.

Just walk to the end of your road and back.

Then increase it, just a little at a time.

Try a baby group, but maybe take your mum or a friend with you?

Pack the baby bag the night before.

My DS hated the pushchair and would wail and wail. I switched to a MOBY wrap sling which saved my sanity.

I was utterly paranoid that I would forget something when I left the house and had a change bag very similar to @SugarPieHoneyBunch1, in fact I had 2. One for DH and one for me. Quickly realised that I didn't need all of the baby gubbins I was lugging about, and greatly reduced the bag.

Just take it a step at a time...literally. Walk two hundred yards, turn around and walk back. If you're happy then carry on for a couple of minutes then turn round and come home. You'll be two minutes from home max. The next day walk a bit further and so on.

DH and I had no idea how to collapse the frame of our pram - neither of us had thought about practicing that.

It's nerve wracking but you can do it, and you should

And...don't worry about what other people will think if she cries. Babies especially newborns just do it. Wrap up warm and talk to her about what you can see on your walk. I had running conversations with DD about anything and everything. I promise you, you'll be fine.

Early days yet, Maya, you'll gradually do it as others have suggested. It took me ages to get out with my baby but I was lucky living just around the corner to many shops, post office and chemist. I didn't do any longer journeys or outings for quite a while but was happy with that.

We all get there in the end, how you feel is perfectly natural. I'm always amazed when I see or hear of people going out almost straight away - some of us could barely walk!

Thanks for your responses everyone! I’m scared incase this turns into PND or PNA. I really don’t want that to happen and I’m trying to force myself to get out. I’ve been out with my partner and I feel ok when he’s with me. It’s still hard getting out the house and that’s when I have his help! So I worry when I’m on my own as it’s going to be even harder. I suppose I need to pull myself together and time everything right. Get her bagged packed and then make sure I’ve fed and changed her so that she’s good for at least a couple of hours. Tomorrow is the first day I’m going out with her on my own. I’m only going to my mums who lives around the corner but I’m even scared for that. I’m sure I’ll be ok. I just have to do it and like you all say, take it one step at a time. The next day perhaps I’ll go for a walk. I also want to try some baby groups but I’m so scared for that! I don’t know how people just have a baby and then go out straight away with no issues - I salute them, I really do.

Just wanted to say mine is 16 days, and have only been out to go back to hospital for a check, and then a short walk with DH and MIL at 10 days. It made me so tired I had a nap after and then sore legs and bum for 2 days, and tho it would be nice to go out again I've been quite tired so haven't really managed it again. Get out for your sanity but dont feel like you have to go to groups or put pressure on yourself!