1 week old sleeping...

[Moo16]

Don’t know if I’m posting this in the right place. I’m new here and just had a question about my little girl.

She’s 1 week old and she just does not settle in her Moses basket beside our bed. Nor does she settle in anything in fact. The only time she’ll truly have a deep content sleep is when she’s next to me or my partner. I’ve discussed co sleeping with my partner and he’s not keen on the idea. I mean, neither am I to be honest but I’m keen to learn more about it and try to be open minded. I just wanted your advice really. The reasons I’m a bit sceptical are:

1. Is it safe? I know they’re guidelines but I’m sure overall it’s recommended you don’t co sleep?
2. I don’t want a clingy baby. Everyone has warned me against letting her in my bed as it’s apparently a habit that you’ll struggle to break!

Obviously, I need sleep! Hence why I’m considering this and if it means we all sleep then so be it. Am I setting myself up for future problems if we do co sleep? Should I just be persistent in keeping her in her Moses basket? We’ve tried things such as: hot water bottle, white noise, a top with my scent on and she just doesn’t settle. I’ll feed her, she’ll fall asleep on me, I put her in her basket and she just wakes up!

Thanks in advance

This is totally normal so please don’t worry that she won’t settle.

There are lot of different opinions on bed sharing but I believe it to be safe if you do correctly. I would google the safe 7 which tells you have to do it safely. I followed this guidance (other than I formula fed) and we bed shared with our twins from 3 to nearly 6 months. They slept so much better!

You will not make your clingy. You foster independence by responding to your baby’s needs. When your baby feels safe and secure, they will grow up to be independent. Please don’t worry about this. If your baby needs to be close to you to sleep, then you are definitely doing the right thing in bed sharing.

My husband wasn’t keen at first but he loved the cuddles. If he is really against it, can he sleep in a spare room or on the sofa for a little while?

I had the same issue with DD, and eventually (4 weeks?) she grew out of it. We coslept now and then when we were desperate, but like you we didn't want to get into the habit of it. What did help was getting a next-to-me crib and sleeping with a hand on her chest.

@TwinMum89 thank you! It’s nice to hear it’s normal. I will google the safe 7 and take a look at that. What age would you recommend to stop co sleeping if we did give it ago? I read somewhere that from 3 months is a good idea to start sleep training them to be on the own. Not completely, of course. But to try her again in her Moses basket next to our bed? I think I’m regards to my other half, he worries that it’s not safe and he said he wouldn’t ever want me to blame myself if something bad happened and he knows I would not be able to live with myself, obviously! I do feel confident I can do it safely as I’m quite a light sleeper but my biggest worry was the clingy baby. Thank you so much for your advice.

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow 4 weeks?! That’s not bad at all! I feel like this phase will last forever. I guess the sleepless nights are doing that to me. I said to my other half, perhaps we can do it if absolutely necessary? I might co sleep some nights and put her in her Moses basket other nights and see if that works? We looked at a next to me crib. Might give that ago too. Thank you

I had to co-sleep with both of mine at first and had no intention of doing it long term. What worked for me was to gradually move them further away; initially they slept nestled right up against me and then I moved them away a little at a time until they slept a few inches away. Then like a PP has said, into the bedside crib with hand on chest, then eventually removing that too.

My DD is 4 weeks old now and falls asleep on me after a feed, then I move her to the bedside crib and swaddle her quickly. I still need to put a hand on her chest if she wakes too much while swaddling or gets unsettled by wind, but I sleep much deeper than when I'm sharing my bed with her.

I ended up cosleeping with mine, still do occasionally and she isn't especially clingy as a toddler. Her sleep gradually improved on its own.

I always co slept with mine, it's the natural thing to do and your baby is only a week old so not used to being outside of you yet! It's nice to co sleep and everyone gets a better nice sleep because of it.

Thanks everyone! I think I’m going to give co sleeping ago. I’ll try one more time tonight with her in her basket and if she doesn’t settle then in my bed it is! I’ve done plenty of research and I feel confident I can do it safely.

3 months is not a good age to sleep train. There is no need to train a baby to sleep. You’ll find that they’ll find a rhythm that suits them (all of mine have been ready for bed around 7 around 4 months for example) and sleep training is just a nice way of saying that you’ll teach them that you won’t meet their needs for comfort at night. I’ve got 3dc; dc1 slept in the Moses basket then cot every night, dc2 never bloody slept and still wakes me once most nights aged 4 and 10m old dc3 goes to bed in her sidecar cot around 7 and rolls herself across to me and snuggles in when I come to bed, she wakes for a feed twice or so but I feed her lying down and doze as I do. They’ll all sleep through in their own beds at some point, one does, one sometimes does, and to be honest I quite like the baby cuddles for now.

She said "sleep training them to be on their own", @madratlady, as in sleep in their own crib. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that at 3 months, or sooner.

I co-slept from 3-6 months as I had a baby who was waking every two hours. DH slept in the spare room. I loved it - made it much easier to cope with the wakings and I cried the night we moved baby into his own cot in his own room.

My little one has no issues sleeping independently now, so don't worry about that.

Follow the guidance from the Lullaby trust - absolutely no alcohol, remove all pillows away from baby etc - your baby is meant to wake frequently though the night at that age so it's a good way to feed the them get back to sleep as quickly as possible yourself (if you are bf)