DH and I conflicted over baby #2

[missanxiety26]

Just hoping for some advice or experience.

DD is 10 months and no plans for another in the immediate future. However the plan was always for 2 and I still truly want that. DH isn't against having another, just purely indifferent. As a back story, he was the same before DD. We always planned to have a baby after our wedding but when the time came he wasn't bothered either way, he would have been happy to wait/not have kids. We ended up agreeing to try for a baby and he was just as excited as me when I got pregnant. Now that we have DD he is head over heels for her, he's the best father and is so hands on. But when I bring up having another in the future, he's not really interested. When pushed he said it's not that he doesn't want another, just that he's not bothered and is happy with what he already has.

I asked if he'd be happy with another and he said he's sure he would be when the baby was born but no intention of planning or agreeing to removal of birth control at any point.

Just wondering if anyone else's DH was similar, any success stories? As an only child myself, I really want DD to have someone to grow up with.

Thank you for reading this far!

Sorry if this is a personal question but how old are you op? Unless the clock is ticking I'd leave the whole subject well alone for a year and review things again later.

I was actually the one saying no to a 2nd, dh and Ds wanted a second. I had a MC and it made me realise i did want another but we left it a year before we tried again. Theres a 6 year gap between DD and DS but i like the gap, we had plenty of time to enjoy DS, hes at school now which makes things a bit easier and hes not needy and entertains himself when ive got my hands full with his sister. I wasnt on any contraception anyway as had come off it few years before, not for TTC purposes, just id had enough of it

Thank you for your replies. I'm only 26 so not feeling any time constraints yet. I haven't brought it up again since the conversation I mentioned in my post and will try not to mention it again for a while. I'm not in any rush for another baby, just more that I'm a total type A and definitely a planner so would like to have an idea of what my future will look like and what I'm aiming for (i.e working hours/kids/holidays). I know it sounds daft, I'm just such a forward planner and preferably don't want more than a 4 year gap.

If you’re not both fully onboard no way would I go ahead with it. You just have to glance at the relationship or the parenting forum to see women complaining about their husbands not pulling their wait, claiming to have been forced into it. It’d not even uncommon for them to throw it back in their partners face.

No way

10 months is still very very young. Wait until DC1 is at least 18 months old, preferably 2. I always wanted a second child but wasn't ready until after DC1 turned 2. It took DH a bit longer. Now pregnant and there will be a 3.5 year age gap.

I’d wait if I were you and really enjoy the baby you have. At 10 months he’s probably still quite small and not very mobile - in a few months he’ll be running and talking and a whole different prospect and you might feel differently! I’ve found it harder being the parent of a toddler than a baby. The friends I know with 2 year + age gaps are much happier than those with smaller ones.

Really appreciate your responses. Don't think I was very clear in my post, sorry! I don't want another baby anytime soon, it's more of a forward planning thing. Just curious whether anyone else had an indifferent DH or was indifferent themselves and ended up having another. I'd like DD to be in school before having baby #2.

26 and 10 months is nice and young. I'd just try to forget about it for now and not worry too much about trying to plan life. We are never fully in control of age gaps anyway (sad but true).

"We are never fully in control of age gaps anyway (sad but true)."

Very true!
I didn't want a big age gap and (all being well with this pregnancy, touch wood) I will be lucky to have a 3.5 year gap.
FWIW I think a 3+ year gap is good because you get some free childcare after the child turns 3 (15h/w for everyone and 30h/w if both parents work or if it's a single parent who works).

Both my husband and me are close to our siblings, and before we started TTC, we both always wanted two kids. Then DS came along and he wasn't a sleeper. Right up to him being about 14 months old my husband was adamant he didn't want another.

However, DS is now 17 months old and I'm pregnant.

A lot can change in 3 years. I appreciate not knowing is hard, but it doesn't sound like he's totally against it.

My husband was quite happy just having the one, and actually felt he didn't want a 2nd as was very happy being the three of us. It was a bit of a sore spot as I always wanted 2.

Daughter is now 19 months and I am 4 months pregnant, something just shifted and we started casually trying. I got pregnant on the first shag which was very unexpected ... I'm 10 years older than you so time wasn't on our side to idle on the decision. We weren't expecting it to happen so quickly but now that it has we are both very happy and looking forward to it. Husband actually suggested maybe we'd have one more the other night.

Once you've got one, you're accustomed to the shift in lifestyle I think? So adding another to the mix will be easy (ha trying to convince myself there!) x