Mum guilt re breast milk

[larr7]

So I had my baby boy 5 weeks ago by planned c section due to health problems. I had to be put to sleep so j fpund it all rather distressing.
My milk took 5 days to come in and in the mean time baby just would not latch on. I was so determined to give him breast milk so refused to give him formula in a bottle. I cup fed him bits of formula between feeds so he was getting something at least. After a week of constant crying, from both myself and baby, we decided to give him formula in a bottle and pump breast milk so he could have that in a bottle and mix feed so to speak. I never produced that much milk from day one but it's taking 2 days now to get enough milk for just one feed. It's so time consuming for such a small amount and I'm wondering is it worth it just to give him one feed over 2 days. But I just can't stop, I feel so guilty every time I think about it. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?? I feel like my body is failing me and I'm failing my baby by not being able to provide for him! Has anyone else had the same?? People keep saying that what you express isn't an indication of supply but what does that even mean? If I have a bigger supply then why isnt it coming off when I pump?!

First off all please please please don't feel guilty!
I exclusively expressed to feed my son as we couldn't get on with breast feeding.
The first thing you need to do (if you want to continue) it's start an express schedule. Mine was 15 minutes either side every 2 hours for the first 6 weeks, even at night. I then went 15 minutes either side every 3 hours for the next 6 weeks. He then started sleeping 9pm - 5am so I stopped my night express and extended day time by 5 minutes either side.
By the time he was 5 months old I was expressing for 30 minutes either side 4 times a day.
I used a manual pump, an electric will take less time.

My milk took almost 4 weeks before I was producing a days feed, I was only ever a day ahead of myself and occasionally we had hungry days where I'd need to add a formula feed in for 1 day because he'd drank the entire supply.

I beat myself up over it for a long time, but you need to do what's best for you and baby. If you want to go the express route, just remember, having a schedule is the best way to go!

Don't listen to the guilt it is totally misplaced. Don't let it ruin these first precious weeks. Breast feeding is great if you and baby are happy. Formula is great if you and baby are happy. Your son will always be amazing however he feeds in his first years.

Babies often get more milk at the breast even with a bad latch than through expression, especially at the beginning. I suggest you try and book a lactation consultant to guide you through various latches and positions (compressions while breastfeeding are great). In the meantime as another poster said you need to pump more - if you aren’t breastfeeding at all then a 30min double-pumping session every 2 hours should give you enough for a full feed.

If you want to do bf for you too it’s not too late, but you really mustn’t put pressure on yourself. I know it’s banded about a lot but really fed is best. With dd1 I really struggled with bf, I knew nothing about it and it went horribly wrong with her ending up in hospital. With dd2 I tried again and it was a much better experience because I had much more support from midwives (community, not hospital unfortunately they were too busy). I found Kellymoms website really useful. It is true though, babies are way more efficient at extracting milk than pumps. If your baby isn’t latching I would echo what a pp said about seeking help from a lactation consultant as them suckling stimulates bm production. In the meantime, if you can, you would need to be expressing regularly which can be all consuming. If you want to go down that road look at which pump you’re using as some are more effective than others and different people have different results from different pumps. I know it’s hard to the point of heartbreaking but you really mustn’t be so hard on yourself. I ended up combo feeding dd2 but if I’d had a better understanding of bf then I probably could have bf exclusively I also used pump yield as an indication of supply but that was wrong. FWIW, dd1 who ended up on formula is rarely ill, now aged 6 and is in top sets at school so please don’t think formula is a failure and if you want to bf try to relax and get support from the experts.

Please try organic mothers milk tea. ( grocery store or amazon) I was advices by a friend when I gave birth and I took 2 bags in the morning and evening. It helped calm my nerves, helped with my milk supply and before I knew it, I was actually storing breast milk in the freezer. Also please be patient with yourself and your body, keep a positive mindset and sip on some tea. While you are at it, add some lactating cookies and watch the milk flow. It is well my dear 🙏