All the children run away from him

[Tiredtiredtiredtiredtired]

Absolutely no idea if this is the best place to post this or not.

My child is at nursery and they are concerned he has a few problems socialising. He can come on a bit strong sometimes eg lack of personal space awareness and he is a bit awkward. I have always noticed other children seem wary of him (he’s fine with adults).

We’ve worked with nursery to try to help my son and have seen a massive improvement outside of nursery. I have been putting him in social situations with children more and more regularly and he now blends in with other children and acts appropriately most of the time (about as much of the time as any other child his age).

However, I’ve not noticed improvement at nursery. He loves going and says he’s happy there but I’ve noticed other children run away from him and hear whispers of them saying oh no look who it is etc when we get there. He seems a bit oblivious - when they run away he chases after them as if he thinks it’s all a big game. I’ve tried bringing this up with the nursery manager but she says she hasn’t noticed this behaviour. Over the months I have tried and tried to accept what she’s saying and told myself that maybe it’s different when he’s actually in nursery but I can’t ignore it anymore. It’s really got to me today as it’s so upsetting to see how singled out he is. I don’t understand why this is happening at nursery when other children play with him in every other environment.

I’m not sure what I can do if anything. What would you do? How would you approach it? We have parents consultation day coming up and I just don’t know how to discuss it or what I want from it.

I'd move nurseries!

How old is he? Do you think he could be on the spectrum?

Cerealnamechange - he’s suspected ADD but only 3 so too young for a formal assessment. There has been such an improvement in his socialising in the last few months but I’m worried that for whatever reason this isn’t happening at nursery. Or is it too late now the other kids have already labelled him and they’re not interested in playing with him now.

I’m concerned about what exactly nursery are doing to help him/let the other children know it’s not kind. However if they’re denying it’s even a problem is it likely they’re doing nothing? My husband and mum have both noticed this behaviour too so it’s not just me that’s seeing it.

I would say the children in that nursery have already got an idea of who he is in their head. So no matter how much he improved they are holding onto this. I agree the staff surely can't be doing much if they are minimising it so much. Honestly I would be looking at a fresh start somewhere. I do feel for you it must be heartbreaking to see.

We will be moving but not until September when he starts school. This is because we’re moving home though. He gets really embarrassed if I ask him who he plays with and changes the subject. Sometimes I get an answer which is usually I played by myself or once he told me he couldn’t make friends.

If you can't move settings then ask for a sit down meeting. Not just a chat at the door.
Have details written down so you can quote events not just a feeling.
His behaviours have changed outside but have they changed at nursery, if they have what can nursery put in place with the other children, small group work etc

That is so heartbreaking.. 3 year old singling out others.. Crazy :/ I'm imagining my son or daughter and actually she'd a tear because it hurts to even think about.

I would definitely move and if it carried on then obviously see if he is on the spectrum when he comes of age but hopefully when he moves he will for in a bit more

Or is it too late now the other kids have already labelled him and they’re not interested in playing with him now. I think this sounds likely and that however much your DS changes his behaviour that his role at nursery is too set in stone now.

Even though it would only be for a few months I would look at moving him. It sounds as though he is aware of what is going on and I would worry that this could be damaging in the long term.