DDDs Dad's extreme views on healthcare

[foxtwin]

Separated from my DD's dad for a number of years. DD4 and DD6 both generally well but have eczema and asthma which are controlled by creams and inhalers. DF has remarried and his views on medicine have completely changed due to new wife's beliefs. Anti vaccines, alternative natural therapies etc. I'm constantly attacked for allowing my DD's to have the flu jab and any sign of a cold or cough this gets the blame. Oils, defusers etc are used in their home and put on their skin and I'm sure this is aggravating their asthma as it's been bad lately. But any conversation I try to have about this is shut down. I feel like I have no control. What would everyone else do in this situation?

Take them to your GP and get medical advice. Then you can seek legal help if he is badly affecting their medical conditions...
My exh denied our ds had a medical condition - in court he just looked a prat...

Thanks for replying. I don't want to stop access as they adore their DF but with the Coronavirus I'm really scared that their asthma is playing up at the moment and don't want anything making it worse ie. exposure to the oils, incense. Or am I over reacting?

This isn't a corona virus thread by the way, it's been a concern of mine before all that started

Me and ds have asthma and certain smelly things make us both ill.
Be prepared to have to seek legal advice though. He may be told to use prescribed items only.

I think you can only do what @Windyatthebeach suggests or leave it.

Tbh if he is putting their health at risk with his ridiculous opinions, I would stop contact.

He is absolutely 100% convinced that the flu jab has made them ill (and it's not their asthma playing up) and I'm made to feel like I'm a bad mum for doing this to them! When I've had to give Calpol, which is quite rare that I do, you'd think I'd given them heroin!

Wow, that’s difficult! Can you talk about it with your children? Like talking to them about different people having different views on religion, etc? It must be very confusing if a person in a white coat is approaching them with a needle and in their head they’re hearing one parent telling them this is bad and the other parent telling them this is good.

And as said above, make sure their GP is aware, (and I would say, also the school). And seek legal advice so you know what you can do to protect them if it comes to that.

My parents are like this sadly. And it is sad.
I just can't see them anymore.
I've been so badly criticised for vaccinating my children.
My mother walked out of my house in loud sobbing tears after I administered a dose of Calpol to my toddler who was burning with a fever.
A member of the family received a cancer diagnosis and was bombarded with "miracle cures" and was ordered to avoid all western medicine if they were to stand any chance of curing themselves.
And yes, they followed the advice and they are no longer with us.
It's hideous.

I haven't mentioned to the school yet, I didn't think they'd need to be involved in stuff like this but if you think it would help?

That's horrendous champagne, sorry to hear that. Did it negatively affect you growing up?

@foxtwin - I think it’s always advisable for the school to be aware of anything that’s happening in the family that might be having an effect on the child. It makes it easier for them to know how to handle things with the child.

Getting support from school is good. In future they.can provide a statement to a court should you ever need one.

If they're using decent purity essential oils, then I wouldn't worry too much about them exacerbating asthma through vapourising them in the house. I'd be more concerned about scented candles, incense, air fresheners etc, tbh. Worth mentioning to their asthma consultant or GP, though.

I would keep the mantra simple, and just repeat ad infinitum... "DD in our home we do/ believe X. Different people have different beliefs, and your dad and stepmum believe Y - that's their choice, but in this house we make decisions based on science'...'ExH I make my parenting decisions based on the best available scientific evidence at the time. There's nothing further to discuss'.

Tell your ex unless he stops listening to the fucking weirdo he’s married to the kids won’t be coming over any more. Don’t like it stop being a prick.
Supposing they were giving them something that made them ill rather than withdrawing it. It’s the same.

I could be reaching here but is there any chance that they are stopped from using their inhalors/cream whenever they are with their dad?

Keep a diary of your childrens' asthma and eczema symptoms, you'll soon see if they are consistently worse on coming back from their Dad's house. If so, you need to take action and I'm sure your GP could help.

You need to find out exactly what is happening with your childrens' meds whilst they are in their father's care. If as Leebeemarie suggests, the children are being actively prevented from taking their prescribed meds, you need to address that.

How often do they go there? I’d be worried that he wasn’t giving them inhalers or putting on their cream properly.

My DS (4) and I both have asthma and eczema and fortunately it’s usually well controlled, with a good routine. So a weekend being a bit lax wouldn’t bother either of us too much as we’d be back to normal on Monday (not that I’d encourage it of course) However if asthma was bad or eczema flared up and then it wasn’t treated properly then a weekend could make a huge difference to our health

I think you are right to be concerned. On the news yesterday they were saying that if you have an underlying condition like asthma, you will Fairy better with a Coronavirus if the condition is under control. They were advising anyone with asthma or diabetes to make sure that they have had their recent reviews.

Can I just ask if both DDs have an asthma plan too?

I think I would see the GP and get legal advice as stated by a pp. if he can’t keep them safe then supervised contact may be the way forward.

They've both had asthma reviews within the last month and I'm pretty sure he does give the inhalers when DD's are with him. Same with the cream.
However I'm going to take the advice that's been given here and speak to the GP and teachers as this is worrying me a lot now.

That’s great, if the children's medication routines are being adhered to when they’re with their dad. That sounds like he is aware how important it is for the children, and wouldn’t put them at risk.

Current medication has made so much difference for children with asthma - I used to be in and out of hospital all the time when I was little, oxygen tent being the only real help apart from steroids.

Good luck, OP - hope it will work out peaceably.

'Decent purity essential oils' can be just as much a problem for asthma as reed diffusers, plugins and sprays. Lots of asthmatics have problems with flowers and that's as natural as you can get.

I work in an environment where aromatherapy oils are common and I always have issues with them, once to the point of needing steroids.

My asthma was blamed on flowers - goldenrod. But it’s now known that it’s much more likely it was caused by pollution from agricultural spraying and the local paper mill.

The great thing about today’s inhalers - they work.

Thank you to everyone for their replies, much appreciated

@AnnaMagnani that's good to know, thank you.