I'm sat in a late night coffee shop as DP attempts bedtime

[peekaboob]

I realise that this is of my own making and I should have insisted on this sooner.

DD is nearly 2. BF to sleep. DP doesn't live with us. I have done every night waking, every feed, every bum change bar 3, every meal prepared, every nap bar 1. Every bath bar a few. Daddy to her is just a name for a man.

I'm going out next week so I suggested we do a trial run of him putting her to bed.
All fine when discussing it, said don't be thinking she'll go to sleep straight away. When mum has looked after her she won't settle and has to be rocked and eventually falls asleep at about 10. She's looked after her twice. Said to him make sure dog has had a wee etc (dog lives with him). He said fine, will get her to sleep then when I return he'll go home and walk dog etc.
DP popped home after work, quick change and over to me. I'd made dinner and a coffee. Got all the bedtime things ready on the bed, bottle of milk and dummy (she likes chewing on one and I'm trying to get her to use it as a sleep aid instead of my nipples)

I start getting ready to leave and he says he needs to be home at 9 because of the dog. I told him he was being very optimistic about that and I can sense grumbling as from him.
I said it is absolutely pointless doing this practice run if I come home and she's awake as she'll just think she can hold out until I get home.

So as not to drip feed, DP can be quite hot headed when he is anxious and I'm visualising the absolute shit show I might walk into later.

So I've come to a coffee shop and am sitting here waiting for the "when are you coming back?" Text.

I've seriously considered cancelling my night out next week as I can't help but think DD will be so worked up about being with him.

Not sure why I'm posting really, I know I've brought this on myself.

I know I've brought this on myself.

But you’re also fixing it yourself, well done and stay strong.

Well done. Hold on. Reply is she asleep ?

Why doesn't he live with his partner and child?

You (and he) can do this. is there any chance he can have her overnight at his? just because sometimes taking the child out of the usual routine can help them learn a new one? -- my kids have a different routine for bed and getting up at my parents than we do at home.

Although I hope all goes well for her, him and you now.

@Notcoolmum we're in the process of selling both houses to buy a bigger one. There's a lot of us combined and we don't have enough rooms.
And..... the dog. Didn't find out until we'd been together a few years that my DS is allergic.

@Mumdiva99 no, that's not an option. The dog sleeps in his room (not envy)

So what happens to the dog when you get a bigger house?

The dog is very old, he's unlikely to survive much longer and I don't think he'd take well to moving. We have discussed if the dog makes it to moving then he'll be confined to certain parts of the house, where the floors can be washed and clean.

Ooh he just text to say she's been asleep for about 15 mins!

But I don't want to go home now. I'm enjoying myself making lists of stuff I want to achieve and the barista has just given me a free muffin

Enjoy your time out..and the muffin! And go out next week!

Don't rush back enjoy your muffin and plan next week.

There does seem to be some self-reliance going on here on your part. You have kept your DD very close to your chest (literally and figuratively) since she was born.
You say you should have 'insisted' sooner. The way you describe it it sounds like you have begged him for help and he point blank refused so you were forced to do everything yourself. Or did you do it all yourself and hope he'd notice and offer?
You have made a start now so if you want more time to yourself you will need to let her go a bit more. If you don't allow them to have time together then they can't establish a relationship.

@Seaweed42 it was more I couldn't justify me not doing everything. For one he never seems to be around when she needs a nappy change. I did allow him to use the breastfeeding excuse too much, as in, "she'll only want you anyway as I don't have boobs" and if I'm in the room then she does only want me.
But I feel we've turned a corner now, and I can get a bit of my life back. I'm actually looking forward to next week now, I arranged it nearly a year ago!