My child bites herself!

[Bluebell121]

Hi everyone posting for a friend " My daughter is 3 years old and recently when telling her she's not allowed to do something she carries on alarming and bites herself really hard , she's never done anything like that before but she gets so angry and just bites her arm all the time , I really don't no what else to do I don't discipline or scream I just simply tell her what's not right and what's right I've tried everything I'm on the verge of crying because she really hurts herself I really don't no what else to do to stop this? Is it attention ?frustration? Shes NEVER done anything like this before Anyone been through this before if so has anyone got any tips how to stop it?

Watching because my 10year is doing the same. It's a complicated situation for her but I'm interested to hear some more straight forward opinions on this.

She needs another way to channel the anger that she is having.
She need to disperse the feeling and cope with the anxiety it brings.
It’s her coping mechanism.
I would seek professional advice from a child psychologist around this.

You can get voting necklaces to kids to wear so they can bite them instead

DS went through a phase of doing this quite recently (he's nearly 3 now).
I would tell him not to do it. But also talk about how he was feeling. We'd talk about feeling cross and frustrated. I would tell him that if he felt really cross he could shout or stamp his foot or hit a cushion. I would even role play doing those things with him. If I got angry or frustrated I would tell DS how I felt. If he had those feelings I would say "you seem cross" or "it sounds like you're frustrated". Soon he started saying himself "I'm frustrated" (very cute when he can't actually say it properly ). The biting did continue for a while but stopped eventually.

I think at 2/3 they are just not developmentally capable of managing their emotions so we have to give them lots of help and guidance to find appropriate outlets... and patience.

FWIW I don't think there is anything gravely wrong requiring a child psychologist.

With an older child though I would start to wonder what's going on.

My DD2 is nearly 3 and she bites herself or pinches herself when she's very angry or frustrated. She finds blowing really hard helps her to calm down, and so does jumping and yelling. We have been focussing on encouraging her to use these alternative strategies when we can see she is angry/frustrated, before she turns to hurting herself. She is improving and I suspect it will be a thing of the past in a month or so.

Blowing is a good one. I guess it's the toddler equivalent of taking deep breaths!

Not sure with a 3 year old but with an older child it's common in autistic children so if there are any other flags for autism it's worth considering an assessment. It's as they struggle to communicate / get angry / frustrated. Also known an older child do it as a form of self-harm.

At 3 I would just try and help her talk through her emotions, try and stay calm yourself and discourage the biting.

DD started doing this around 6 years old, she left teeth marks that lasted for the entire weekend. She does it very occasionally now and she's 10. She explains that she does it when she feels very cross her teeth feel 'itchy' and she needs to bite something but doesn't want to hurt anyone else so she bites herself to feel better. I bought her a biting necklace from a SEN shop aimed at children with ASD. Spoke about other ways of dealing with her feelings. She did it quite a few times between 6-9, normally at school and I think she's done it once this year. I do keep an eye on her body when she's in swim wear etc to make sure she doesn't have any other marks or signs of self harm.

A child on the dreadfully named Britain's naughtiest nursery does that, might be worth a watch for advice

I do this due to ASD. If it persists or there are other signs please get it checked out. I was only diagnosed as an adult so missed more support or strategies.

If you do see biting or self harm address it, but try to get across that they should talk to someone if they feel like biting/self harm and that it is not shameful. My parents told me it was wrong, but no alternative so I just ensure no one could see.

The tips from nspcc might be more geared to older children

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/childrens-mental-health/self-harm/