Anyone with a DD who has ADHD?

[The2Ateam]

I am really interested in your experiences in the signs and symptoms and diagnosis.

My 12yr old has been struggling for a couple of years, we were refered to CAHMS over 18mths ago but heard nothing. Thank you x

Yes! She's 13 now was diagnosed about 5 years ago. We were expecting a dyspraxia diagnosis. Help from consultant was non existent really just told us we could have medication if we wanted (we definitely didnt). Wisv8we hadn't bothered getting her diagnosed now because the schools seem to have pretty much ignored it and its just made her feel different. How are you coping?

So what happend?

I am just feeling sad for her. She is telling me she is different and worried why she can’t concentrate or focus at school - unlike her friends.

There is an adhd forum on reddit she (and you) might find useful where others share their experiences. One of the top posts describes having ADHD as holding marbles without having a bag while everyone else has bags... let me find it and copy/paste... here:

“ADHD is like everyone has to hold 100 marbles and you're the only one without a bag.

You’re trying to manage the same stuff everybody else is able to manage but marbles keep falling out of your hands.

And neurotypical people are giving advice like "well, why don't you just put them in your bag?" BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A BAG.

Maybe you're struggling to carry only 50 marbles, and you see people around you easily managing 150, which is bitterly discouraging.

But the fact that you can even hold on to that many is incredible BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A BAG, BUT YOU'RE STILL TRYING.

Medication is like having a bag with a hole in it. It's so much better than what you're used to so when you start using it you feel on top of the world. Then you notice that marbles are slowly falling out and you think "what's the point, it's just as bad as before." But you have to remember it's still worth it.

The worst thing you can do is trip on the marbles you've dropped. That's my biggest struggle. I focus on one little thing I've messed up and all of a sudden I've come crashing down and drop all the marbles I was able to hold minutes before.”

I hope your Dd's school are being helpful. They should put in place things to help your dd with or without a diagnosis.

Yes that's exactly how my dd feels. Some lessons she copes better than others in, she's learned to deal with it a lot better now.
When she was younger she had lots of sensory issues, didn't speak until she was much older than her big sisters and got into trouble a lot at school for not concentrating. She also displayed quite a lot of impulsive and unpredictable behaviour. I knew she was different but tbh the adhd diagnosis surprised me a bit.

I don't, but I am a woman with ADHD if that is of any use at all. I was only diagnosed in adulthood but if I look back at my school time, suddenly a lot of things make sense.

I can highly recommend looking up Dr. Russell Barkley, I think he has retired now but he has written books and given lectures you can watch on his website/youtube which were absolutely lifechanging for me.

I also love the youtuber How To ADHD. She has a kid-friendly policy so no bad language or adult themes in her videos (apart from there is one about sex, I think) - I show her videos to my 11yo DS who is very much like me.

A lot of girls get missed because it's more common for girls to have a "disorganised daydreamer" sort of presentation, rather than a hyperactive/impulsive one which is more common in boys (though not mine).

Thanks all, I’m really not sure what to think. I haven’t spoken to the school yet - she recently started yr7.

She’s very bright, walked and talked early. From aged 5, began having terrible sleeping issues which continue today. She’s scared to be alone at home, scared to go to the toilet upstairs alone - even daytime yet will get the bus to school alone.

Is angry, falls out with friends and family all the time, can’t take any type of criticism. Yet can be kind and compassionate.

she strugggles to concentrate at school, gets distracted by the smallest thing and then cannot ‘in-distract’ herself. For example, said she noticed a sticker peeling off half way through a lesson then became totally fixated with peeling it off and could see or think of nothing else.

I really don’t know what to do! To persist with getting a cahms appointment or therapy, I don’t know.

@Nekoness That's a very good desription.
OP
I have a DD with ADD (inattentive) + dyscalculia.
She was trying so hard and getting nowhere (not wanting to be there any more at age 8). After we changed school and she received a proper diagnosis and help (+ help for us parents - like special parenting classes) things improved massively.
She was only medicated for about two years and in this time she learned to live with and work around her brain.She is in her first year at uni now and still follows the rules she set for herself:
a very structured day, regular sport, no alcohol etc. and she accepted the fact that her working memory is very very bad while the rest of her abilities (apart from anything number-related) is not - her way to learn things has to be different.

I would keep persisting as I understand CAMHS can take a long time to get through so the sooner you start the process, the better.

With ADHD you have two (or three) options for treatment really - medication is the one that comes to mind first. Don't be afraid of medication, it gets a bad rap but it can be immensely helpful. The kinds they have for children tend to be stimulant based so have a pretty immediate effect which is good because that means you can have a very short trial as you'll be able to say within a day or two of starting to use it whether it's helping or not, and stop it just as fast if it's not considered beneficial. Medication generally helps with issues of self-regulation - so for example it can help to "undistract" yourself, or help you to be able to take a breath and count to 10 before lashing out in anger.

Second (and important whether medicated or not) is learning what the specific challenges, deficits and "mental blocks" if you like are. At her age you'll be learning them and working around them for her, but long term it's helpful for the person with ADHD to understand these themself and be prepared to work around them. This is the stuff I've found most helpful and practical. It's also missing (I find) from a lot of literature aimed at parents of ADHD children, which I find to be a huge error. For example a lot of the stuff around how to get your ADHD child to take their medication, especially as a teen, which can be a flashpoint for all kinds of medication, simply states that you should tell them "This medicine will help you concentrate" which IMO is a totally useless explanation. A lot of children with ADHD are highly intelligent - it doesn't help to patronise them. Go into the brain chemistry! Find out what's happening in the brain when somebody feels angry, or tries to do something they don't really want to do. Executive Functioning is the one here I'd look at most urgently as it's the easiest thing to get to grips with and very helpful.

The third thing I put in brackets because I'm not sure whether it's available in the UK or not (I assume not) but neurofeedback has become fairly trendy recently in Germany for treatment of ADHD. I'm intrigued to try it myself I must say but I'm not sure about its use for children.

Yes me, my dd is 8 and has just been diagnosed

Her symptoms are
Extreme lack of concentration
Extreme meltdowns
Stealing
Lying
Violence towards me, her sister, children and teachers
Away with the fairies most of the time
Attention seeking behaviour
Always on the go
Never sits still
Never stops talking
Everything has to be 'her' way
Very controlling
And a shit load more

Her behaviour is that bad she's been excluded from mainstream school and is currently in a special school for children with behavioural difficulties. She's currently being assess for EHCP which if we get it, will mean a special school which I'm keeping everything crossed for.

She's currently in medication however that's quite a recent thing and we are trying different ones to see which one works beat.

You were asking about DD and girls often do present differently than boys.
I do have DS with AS + ADHD, too. He is in on medication otherwise he would not be able to survive a school day. It's rigidly controlled with breaks, regular blood tests, eegs etc. and we parents had to attend a course to educate ourselves about medication.
Dealing with AD(H)D has to be taylored to the child and their needs.