My daughters behaviour!

[Bluebell121]

Hello everyone , just want advice on if anyone has ever been at this stage yet of parenthood 😂 , my sweet girl is 3 next month! But for the past few weeks she's has been abit of a nightmare if you will , she changed nursery's and settled in perfectly ! She went from 3 days of 5hours to every days for 3 hours a day , I understand it's mostly because of change but she loves this nursery more than she did the other one she cried every day during the old nursery but she moved to new one with her bestfriend she loves it! , but soon as she gets home (3.30pm) she's tired and very very angry! I let her ride from nursery home on her balance bike as we live down the road not far at all! She comes home and straight away she asks for something that I may say no too due to her tea being made at 4! She throws her self all over throws things at me screams for over 30 mins pushes her 1 year old brother out the way refuses to eat her tea tells me and her dad that she doesn't want to she isn't going to behave ect .. so today I bought a chart I put everything I would like her to get a sticker on and I said there will be a suprise at the end of the week if you get all the stickers for the full 7 days she said okay! The suprise being ( colouring book) nothing expensive but she does love things like that! Anyone else Got any suggestions on how to handle the melt downs ! It's getting that bad that she's throwing her self so hard on the floor in the middle of a shopping centre that she's dislocated her arm twice! Her health visitor told me to do the ( time our step) to calm down , she doesn't care about that she literally just asks me to put her on it I take her favourite toy , she just doesn't care? Any advice??

Is there a reason she has her tea at 4 - seems very early. As that appears to be a trigger for her, I'd give her a healthy snack when you get in and then push the main meal back a bit..

Give her a snack when she's hungry.

This is part of triage for toddlers: are they hungry, tired, thirsty, hot, cold etc? Then, are your expectations age appropriate, does she know what you want? Then, and only then, star charts and steps and counting.

FWIW I found listening and empathizing the most useful. See How To Tao So Kids Will Listen. It's great.

Taoism probably works but in this case Talk

4 is very early for dinner.
You don't say what time she gets up in the morning but even if it's 6am that's 14 hours without anything to eat.
My little boy is 2 and has his tea at 6 (three courses usually pasta, rice of some description, jacket potato etc. Served with a side of fruit and veg and then a yoghurt for pudding)
with bed at 7.

I always have a snack on hand for my toddler when I pick him up - he's usually hangry after a busy day! I know she has her tea at 4pm but a handful of grapes or a rice cake or something might help. Also, transitions are notoriously difficult for children so it's probably not anything you're doing or not doing, it's just she's having to settle in at home again after not being there for a while. I'd recommend a good routine (if she knows exactly what is happening and when it may help), lots of comfort/positive reinforcement for anything good she does, distraction if she starts losing it and, again, a snack at pick up really may work wonders! I think the sticker chart is a good idea too. Maybe also try to help her describe her feelings - is she hungry, tired, angry? There's a good book called How To Talk So Little Kid Will Listen and it's got some great strategies for managing grumpy children; I'm reading it at the moment and would recommend.

I do it between 4&5 for tea it really Varys because sometimes she's screaming been hungry I have trouble getting her to eat anything at all! If I gave her a little snack she will point blank refuse to eat her tea I used to give her tea at 5/5.30 and my health visitor put a plan in to try 4 with supper at 6.30 due to her not eating at all and having bowel problems to were she won't go for a poo for 4-5 days Shes on simulatants to help her go to the loo but she asks for tea sometimes between 4&5

@KatnissK hey! , she's very very smart I can have full conversation with her she lets me no how she feels why she's feeling it and what can make her feel better the sticker chart is to help her along with instead of screaming when she doesn't get her own way or even when her little brother looks at her she goes absolutely mental! I've tried letting her no if we do that there's no sticker , I did have a Christmas sticker chart to help her realise santa won't come till you get all green stickers ( good stickers) she really behaved and did everhthing great! So hoping this helps when she relises she gets a suprise at the end only if you fill the week with good stickers

When you get home, do you then go in the kitchen and start cooking tea? Is she with you during this time? The reason I ask is perhaps what she needs is your attention for a little bit whne she comes home.
I've only recently started doing this but I set up some of his toys/ activities for my son for when he comes home from preschool. It seemed he found transitions hard and was acting out so I found if I set some things out for him, like all his Harry Potter toys or made an underwater theme with some of his cuddly toys and a blue towel or whatever, it gave him some direction and I sat and played with him for at least 30 mins sometimes more.
Not sure if it would help you but he then became excited about what was set out and having my attention and he seemed to find the transition so much better x