Help with overbearing mum / MIL

[ZoeGren]

I need some advice on dealing with my overbearing mum / MIL. I'm due with my first baby any day now and I've struggled recently with dealing with my mum/MILs excitement.

I know it's lovely that they're excited and I'm lucky that they can't wait to meet their granddaughter. But my husband is getting daily calls from his mum and she's hinting that they will be waiting near the hospital for baby to be born - which is freaking me out a little because it's a lot of pressure to have visitors straight away when I just want to look after myself/baby.

How do I explain to them that we need a bit of space now to relax and wait for baby, and that we'll need more space to settle in as a family of three? I don't want to upset them but I'm struggling to establish some ground rules.

Don't tell them when you go into labour and get in the habit now of not being in touch for a couple of days so they don't think you're in labour as soon as you don't answer the phone.

Tell the truth. Just say I'm a bit overwhelmed with all this checking up on me. I need to stay relaxed so I'll be taking a break from my phone. Dont tell them when you go into labour. Enjoy this time

Just tell the truth - honestly will make your life a much easier and sets an expectation for the future.

My in laws turned up, 6 of them, while I was in labour and wanted to wait at the hospital. Safe to say they were swiftly sent on their way!

I would just be clear that you’ll call them when the baby is born and won’t be telling them when you’re in labour and will let them know when you’re ready for visitors. We had people come and meet him then asked for a bit of space while DH was on paternity leave so we could bond as a family.

I had a very excited MIL this time last year, but my DH just told her straight that no one else was expecting to visit us in hospital, and we wanted some time alone at home while we got used to our new baby.

We let her visit 2 days later, it was DH's birthday and she brought cake, food and presents for him so I was grateful. She was also clear that she was not staying over and it was just a day visit.
However, I was still very sore, achy, stitches, bleeding, emotional, learning to breastfeed etc so it wasn't easy to try and put on the polite to in-laws face. I also had a midwife visit that day and we had to go upstairs to check how my wound looked and I left my in-laws downstairs.
OP beware that you need your time to recover, and how long you need is up to you.
Nobody should expect to visit and make demands from you at this time, and it is your DH's job to communicate that. We had to make it clear that both families were getting the same treatment (my parents didn't meet my Ds until he was a couple weeks old, but then he wasn't their first GC).
Also - on a lighter note, how long is she thinking she will be hanging around outside the hospital for.... is she staying in a hotel?? FYI babies can be late - mine was 11 days overdue - so that's quite a hotel bill!!