A woman's advice to a doting father

[antony2020]

Hi all I'm not sure if I'm allowed to be on here as I'm a single dad, would love some advice from a woman's perspective as I'm going through the mill trying to see my children more as I love them with all my heart. This is my first post so please be easy with me but fair.

My ex girlfriend left last year on Father's Day with the children after I disclosed I told the police after she assaulted me at the family home. This was the second time fist time I had a pair of scissors thrown at me which only just missed me. She had witnessed this kind of abuse as a child and it's gone full circle. Also I was emotionally abused and financially abused. I wasn't perfect, however I always tried my hardest to provide for my family and tried to be positive.

I would always look out and stick up for my children as the M was always finding fault with them and they're behaviour she would call my D a bitch or a cow bag or threaten to leave because D didn't tidy room correctly or pull her ponytail out or generally give her attitude.the M would say, when I was a child I'd have to tow the line and I never put a foot wrong. The list could go on and on.

Since the split I haven't been able to say when I can see the children and have to fight for every minute. A say in they're upbringing The holidays etc everything is a fight.

So I am taking the M to the family court and now the dirt has started to fly, I'm a bad dad, abusive I've been harassing M I'm an alcoholic etc etc. I've had my access cut too supervised contact as of the allegations. M knows how much I love my children and the only way she can still get to me is through the children and they're stuck in the crossfire. They love M & D dearly and this doesn't seem in they're best interests.

Is there anything I can do to try and make the toxic separation better so my children don't get alienated anymore or do I just walk away as I don't think M will stop until I've been ruined.

Advice greatly appreciated

Make sure you always see them even if they don't want to see you. Stay calm and don't insult their mother/mother's family in front of them. Hope all turns out well.

Look after yourself mate, eat well, sleep well, keep your house clean, excersise, work hard, have friends. Be your best self because that's who your kids need on their side through this.

You can't control what she says about you all you can do is know in your heart that you're doing your best.

Also, keep a diary of everything.

I hate to hear these stories of children being used as weapons in a separation. You have my sympathies and I'm sorry you are having to go through this.
It is possible for parents to split amicably, I doubt that your ex has any idea of what that would look when she clearly had a dysfunctional home life.
Do fight for your children. When they are old enough to understand, it will be there in black and white that you wanted to see them and their mother blocked it.
I can't imagine how stressful this is for you and I hope the courts can find a resolution.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I work in a mostly male environment and know DV against men is much more common that is reported.

Make sure you have a solicitor who is an expert in family law. And just keep fighting for those kids.

You may not get an easy time here on MNET as men are usually seen as the enemy.

I can't give advice but hopefully there will be others posting more advise soon.

Good luck and just keep fighting. It will take some time. :(

There is support available at www.mankind.org.uk

You are doing the right thing by going to family court. Good luck.

My brother has just been through similar, it all fell apart on his ex in court as it was all lies. He's played everything by the book, kept the best interests of the kids at the forefront of everything he's done and it became really clear in court that his actions didn't match the picture she tried to paint.

Take any and all opportunities for contact, even if it's supervised and that feels unfair and unnecessary to you. Do as blue30 suggests and make sure your life and home are stable and positive so the courts can see you can provide a good environment for the DC. It doesn't feel like enough in the short term I know but long term it's your best chance of being in your kids lives the way you want to be. Good luck.