Bedtime advice for new baby with 5 + 7 yr old

[Sarmham]

I’m looking for some advice from you wise people who’ve been there done that. DC3 is 4 months old, in no kind of day or bedtime routine. DC1 and 2 have not been easy since the new arrival and bedtime has been particularly difficult. DH isn’t around in the evenings due to work. I’m reaching the end of my rope but don’t know where to start with trying to fit a baby bedtime routine/sleep train the baby while dealing with the other two. Neither are particularly good at staying in their bed once they’re down, esp 7yr old. Any advice greatly greatly appreciated 🙏

Do you think you might have missed a trick teaching your older children to settle at bedtime? This should be your priority, not the baby. There are countless methods available, just carry on caring for your baby as needed, get a routine going with the others, settling stiories etc and just quietly take them back to bed agin and again until they stop. As your baby gets older teach them to settle for daytime nap awake

Well that’s made me feel a whole lot worse.
My older two settled fine before the baby came along. It’s understandably been quite unsettling for them.
Does anyone have any useful advice?

Sorry no advice but hopefully a bump. No need for the sarcy response from previous poster. I have a 5m old (he's my first) and I know how unsettling it's been to my routine so I can easily believe your other two have been a bit unsettled! Hope someone can come along with advice soon

I’m in the same position as you, with 3 dc. Eldest just turned 8, next one is 6 and baby is 12 weeks. My older two should be sleeping by 8:30 and 9pm. But are pushing it to 9 and 9:30pm as they don’t settle as easy when I’m busy w baby and then them. However, now that baby is usually sleeping by 8ishpm it’s getting easier. Once I’m able to get her down by 7pm things will be better. But if I get her down I can concentrate on the older once. I put them in their room 30 mins or an hour before bed time all ready and say they can read or play quietly until I come back to tuck them in. Doesn’t always work as sometimes they jump around and play loudly. But they eventually settle.

What time is your baby sleeping? If you work on a rountine at night it helps. Day time we aren’t on a routine. But I do make sure her naps work out so she sleeps around 8pm at night. She then will sleep 8 hours. I breastfeed and then she sleeps until 6/7am.

I had children with a similar age gap (5 and 6 and a baby) and this was my routine.

1. Get older children in bed with tv/tablet etc. 2. Settle baby. 3. Go back and turn off tech, read bedtime stories etc to older children.

With regulars to the coming out of the room. My children are allowed out for a wee/drink but anything else is a warning- second time the punishment is that when everyone gets up and is allowed down for breakfast in the morning they have to stay in their rooms for 10 extra minutes. They all hate this so it works x

Thanks so much. Very useful answers and comforting that your routines mamabear and itstartedwithakiss are v similar.
At the moment I put baby down when I go to sleep..usually 10ish but she does tend to be asleep with me downstairs before then. I breastfeed too which makes it tricky as sometime baby likes to stay on for a good while before sleeping. I’ll try to get them quiet in their rooms then settle baby and come back to them tonight..wish me luck🤞
I love the coming out of room punishment itstarted- must try that too. Really appreciate the advice thanks so much!

Hi there OP. I’m in a similar position, DS7, DD5 and baby is now ten months. We have finally worked out a bedtime routine that works for all. For the first few months, the two big ones went from settling very easily to having a free for all every night and it was hell.

I sat them down one night and explained that thing were changing, I didn’t want to spend three hours doing bedtime and it ending in tears all the time.

Now we start earlier so no one is overtired. Baby isn’t allowed sleep after 2.30 so he is tired for bed.
On a good night this is broadly the plan

5pm we all sit down for dinner
5.45 baby has bath
6.15 I give him a bottle while watching the other two having bath. Once they have teeth done and PJs on they can do what they like
6.30 baby settling in, has a final BF
6.50 spend time with DS5 in her room, cuddle read, DS gets the iPad
7.20 DD settled and then I have reading, cuddle with DS and lights out around 740

It’s not perfect, would prefer no iPad but while it still takes ages it is calmer and I get time with them all. Trying to get them all to bed at the same time just didn’t work at all.

Thank you @startagaintomorrow really useful 🙏

Ooh I’ve just figured out how to do that @ tag thing! Bonus!

How did last night go? @Sarmham

Thanks for checking in @ItStartedWithAKiss241
Last night was pretty woeful but I know sometimes things have to get worse before they get better and tonight was better thankfully🙏 So hopefully they'll continue to improve! Thanks so much for sharing your routine. A question on that-how do you get them to stay in their room when everyone else has gone downstairs in the morning? I think mine too would hate that but I’m pretty sure they’d come down before the 10 mins!

Oh dear! Just stick at it- I’m sure it will get better!
Urm... I wish I knew! They have always stayed on the naughty chair, in their room for time out, etc but that’s the punishment I have always done with small children so it’s second nature to them x

Hi, I know no one has posted here in a while but wondered if anyone had any updates. I have an 8 year old son, he’s very defiant, computer tablet and tv obsessed has all of them. In his whole childhood he has never (other than being a baby under 1 years older) fell asleep watching TV or a movie or in the car etc. He never switches off. He has to be told to go to sleep and have everything taken from him. Following on from this comes hours of tossing and turning , up and down to the bathroom etc. So by the time I have done everything I need to do at night it can be 8pm and then I can’t face the challenge of the bedtime routine so I give him longer so I can have some peace. However I have a 3 year old (well 3 next month) she sleeps in with me (due to serious incident when a baby stopped breathing in middle of the night ) therefore I can’t get her out my bed nor want to.

Every night without fail he will refuse to go sleep. I can’t put her to bed if she falls asleep early as he will wake her. I get no time to myself and I can’t establish a routine and it’s a nightmare. I work two jobs so I’m exhausted. Sometimes I know he purposely tries to wake her. So it gets to the point of an evening at 8/9 pm where everything’s done and the only chance of an hours piece is to leave him up in his room and deal with my daughter awake downstairs and then finally bring her up when he is settled and go asleep myself there is no break. There is no time for me.

When my son was a baby from 8 weeks old I bathed him every night read him a story and tried to put him down every night for 3 years and nothing ever worked. I feel like I am at the end of my feather. Everyday is ground hog day. Every night I dread bedtime. I understand they should have different bedtimes but how do I implement that. Any advice appreciated

@Jaydee2021 have a read of how to talk to kids will listen. I have been reading the book how to talk so little kids will listen (it is for 2-7 year olds so I assume the non-little version will cover your son).
One of the chapters is about how to solve these sorts of problems that replay themselves over and over. You've tried everything and punishments and rewards don't work. What it says is to sit down with your son at a time away from when the problem is and describe the problem, say what it is (from your point of view) that you don't like, say what it is from his point of view, and ask if he has any ideas about how to solve it. Have a pad of paper and a pencil. If he doesn't think of anything you suggest something really silly. You write down anything he suggests even if it is obviously not possible eg if he says you could turn me into a cat because they're good at sleeping. You suggest some good things too. Hopefully you come up with a solution together. Then try it the that night. If kids participate in the problem solving they're more likely to comply with whatever it is. Maybe his solution could be to do some puzzles at 7 when you try to put your daughter down to sleep and you have special bonding time doing puzzles with him after until his bedtime? Or he starts to read a book and see how many pages he can read before you're done and you read to him after? Or something like that hopefully!