How did you know? One child/siblings

[Newmum26]

How did you make the decision to just have one child?
Do you regret anything? Or feel sad that your child won't experience having a sibling to grow up with and play with or be there for them?
We have a DS who will be 3 in May and I still don't know if we want another or not!
I would like our son to have a sibling and he loves babies when ever he sees them so I think he would make a great caring and loving big brother. I also would quite like to do it all again and experience pregnancy and birth etc again.
However I don't know if we could go through the newborn stage again with all the sleepless nights, night feeds, teething, working your days around feeds and naps etc.
We have a good routine and are enjoying holidays together and this would change for a while if we were to have another.
I know ultimately it's our decision and no one can make it for us, I Am just looking for some advise or if anyone else felt torn? Reasons for only having one and any regrets? Thanks in advance

Before I had kids, I wanted 4. I’m an only child myself & used to be envious of those with large, noisy families. Then I had my first. And boy was it a shock to the system. Pregnancy was awful (HG) & being a mum didn’t come quite as naturally as I expected! For two years, I’d resigned myself to her being an only child as I couldn’t contemplate having another just as life had settled back down, I’d got promoted, we were doing great as a family of 3.. but then the doubts started creeping in. Would I regret not having the one more. Would I always long for that slightly bigger family I always dreamed of.. did I want my daughter to be an only child like me. I had a happy childhood, wasn’t bothered by the lack of sibling 90% of the time but as an adult, I so wish I did have one! I’m envious of my OH relationship & shared memories with his siblings. And I’m sad my DD’s won’t have any aunts/uncles/cousins from my side of the family.. I really wish they would!

In the end, I decided I would never regret having a second but I probably would always regret not doing. So here we are, baby2 due very shortly. Pregnancy has been even worse. It’s safe to say, I’m never ever doing it again. I’ll be using triple protection 😂 I’m under no illusions the next couple years or so are going to be hard while we go through newborn, teething, weaning, toddler again but equally, I know that all these hard times are phases. They do pass. And there are lovely sunny periods inbetween. I hope my two girls have a nice relationship.. no guarantees but you can only hope! Looking to the future, I think I’ve at least given them a chance to have a built in friend!

It’s a tough decision.. and there is absolutely nothing wrong with having just one! It’s a lot more common these days I think. You can devote all your time & money to them & having a comfortable life etc! I def see the appeal!

I've got one DS who is nearly two. I'm an only and always knew I only wanted one. Everyone told me/tells me I'll change my mind but I know I won't. Mentally I couldn't cope with the baby stage and sleepless nights again and that would impact all of us.
Selfishly, financial reasons are there too. Having one we can afford nice holidays, do nice things and I can still do a full time job which involves travel. If we had another I'd probably have to give up my job and either be a SAHM or do something I don't enjoy.
One works for us and I wouldn't change it for the world. I guess as PP said she'd regret not having another whereas I think I'd regret having a baby so think about what would make you feel worse.

My body decided for me - we weren't able to have a second child due to secondary infertility. I had originally envisaged two, mainly because it just seemed like the done thing. As things have worked out, I'm really grateful that nature took the decision out of our hands. My dd is a teenager now and I love our one-child family. She has tons of friends and is never lonely at all!

My first drained the life and soul from me.
That’s it. I was a walking, barely speaking, surviving zombie.
Life was almost intolerable for the first 5 years of my child’s life. It made me mentally unwell, barely coping, on a knife edge.

So no, another was not even a shadow in my thoughts. I was fighting day by day.

Then things got a bit better. I considered that I could not possibly have a second like my first. Impossible, he was a single, one off, unusual, unique individual. After all no one else I knew had a child like mine. They were all beautifully behaved, slept, ate, were normal. Surely it couldn’t repeat, surely it couldn’t.
So we tried. I lost 5 babies.
So Mother Nature was screaming in my ear that we couldn’t produce a child so we gave up.

10 years on we very unexpectedly had our 2nd child.
Wonderful, wonderful beautiful, amazing miracle.

We are so lucky to have our 2 kids.
They fight every minute of every day and drive me absolutely fucking batshit mental. I separate them for a few seconds of peace.
But they are happy healthy kids.

one and done
i simply have no desire to be pregnant, give birth or endure baby/toddler stage again. The thought leaves me cold.
I also wont give up my spare room which a WWE merch display room, we like we have more money to play with.

Ive been called selfish, im denying dp a chance of a ds, dd is missing out, i will change my mind, since the DAY she was born. Literally MIL asked me when dd was a few hours old when id have a 2nd
DD is now 9 and no change in mind, not even an inkling or passing thought of what if. I dont feel guilt. Im happy with my choice.

Full disclosure, dp would have a 2nd, even a 3rd but he isnt the one who has to be pregnant so its MY choice

I only ever wanted one child. Can’t explain it, but I never imagined myself with more. I disliked having siblings, they don’t add much to my life now either. So it was an easy decision. DD has never asked for a sibling, doesn’t want one and we make sure she isn’t lonely. I love the fact that she will never have to compete with anyone for our time, attention or money. Life is also much easier with just one.

We thought 'lets start with one and see how we go' and he's still one at 8yo.
Pregnancy was easy, enjoyable.
Birth was horrific, we both nearly died, long-lasting health issues for me.
DS had colic until 5mo, awful.

Once colic was over he was a dream: chatty, curious, slept ok, are ok, never had a toddler tantrum.

He has never, not once, asked for a sibling. Neither DH nor I had regretted stopping at one we got a dog

I have no relationship with my sister, just chalk and cheese. DH is one of 6 and they've almost all turned into weirdos since they've got older and are difficult to stomach. My dad is one of 9, gets on with 5 of them. Mil one of 15, gets on with four. Mother has a much oldr sister they're very close. You can never really tell.

But we have no wish for another child, no parental urge. Doesn't make us 'lesser' as parents to one child. We have great fun as 3+dog.

I am one of four siblings, all born within 5 years. Having had that close sibling relationship myself, I always knew I wanted more then one child.

I had DS when I was 37 and wanted a sibling close in age, so we started trying when DS was six months old. There is a 17 month gap (one school year) between DS and DD and I can't imagine not having them both. I have loved watching them grow up together. They are 14 and 13 now and have a great relationship (they bicker a lot but are very close). My DH died at Christmas and they have been a great support to each other since they lost their much-loved dad. They are both such lovely, funny, kind children and I feel very lucky to have them both.

My DH died at Christmas and they have been a great support to each other since they lost their much-loved dad

My mun died when i was 12, my brother 10. We havent spoken since i was 15
Sibling support isnt a given at all, we just 2 different people who never got along

I feel a little guilty that my son won’t have a sibling, but both me and my husband don’t get on with our siblings stand only ever bickered with them, so not sure how much he’s REALLY missing out on.

I think I’m a decent mother of one. I think I’d be a really bad mother if I had more. I’m really just coping. I don’t think I could spread myself thinner and stay particularly nice. And financially, I’d really struggle.

I'm only pregnant with my first so not thinking about any more yet. However husband wants a vasectomy soon after this baby is born. He already has a daughter from a previous relationship and doesn't want any more children.

I've got one daughter whose six and definitely not planning on having another one. Luckily my husband is and always has been on the same page. I too really struggled with the early stages and couldn't see myself doing it again!!
I also have a really awesome job which I've worked so hard to get and involves lots of travel, which simply wouldn't be possible with 2 kids. I wouldn't want to put it back step on to that and do something else I would not enjoy- or my worst nightmare be a stay-at-home mum.
Financially speaking when much better off and that's another reason I will stop at 1.
No regrets- one is fun!!

@squeekums - that’s a really un-needed comment about you & your sibling not supporting each other during a loss of a parent. Poor lady lost her husband very recently & was just expressing that her children have supported each other. My first reaction would be to offer my condolences not argue straight back that sibling support isn’t a given. No it’s not & I don’t think anyone assumes siblings will always get along. But for that posters family, it’s clearly been a big help. Try a touch of sympathy as well as your points that siblings don’t always get on.

that’s a really un-needed comment about you & your sibling not supporting each other during a loss of a parent. Poor lady lost her husband very recently & was just expressing that her children have supported each other.

Its actually a fair comment given how the support scenario is used to coerce women to having kids they dont want or cant cope with. Ive heard it a few times since dd was born 9 YEARS ago.
Fact is, support isnt a given between siblings in every case and it shouldnt be a base to have a 2nd or not

If it so recent and raw, its not something you post on a public forum and i dont know any posters back story.

I wasn't intending to coerce anyone into anything and of course all families are different. But in my own experience, the support my children have been able to give each other while adjusting to the loss of their dad has been very helpful to them both, so I wanted to share that.

I wanted 6 but was infertile and we didn’t realise what the problem was until I was almost 40. I have one now and do want to try for another just so my DS has company when I am old but do grieve the family I wanted. If you are in the slightest bit unsure than go for it