Possible selective mutism?

[bez91]

Hi all, didn't know where to post so hope this is ok!!

Please tell me if you think I'm being a paranoid mother also...

My DD is 2 (28 months) and I've been worried for over a year she may have selective mutism. When she's at home with me and daddy she's the most confident, chatty, kind and fun loving little girl - you can't shut her up. She's probably developing as expected for her age in terms of counting, recognising colours etc.

Since being able to talk the only people she will speak to is myself, daddy and my dad who looks after her once a week. She will communicate with children at nursery and occasionally with the nursery staff but usually only when spoken to ie she won't ask for things which worries me as we begin potty training.

In big groups she's ok playing although quietly but as soon as she is the centre of attention she shuts down. My DHs parents who are separated and his brother both live 40 miles away so we see them once a month - she knows them and gets mega excited about seeing them like today but then says nothing, she whispered a word to my MIL today and this is the first time she's ever said anything to her. She will happily play with these people she knows in silence but will never speak. As soon as they leave then she's back to normal as we know her.

Her 2 year review is coming up and I'm going to speak with her nursery to see their thoughts. It's quite upsetting that no one gets to see her true personality and it irritates the life out of me when all my MIL says to DD is "aren't you talking today", "are you going to talk to nanna" - if it is selective mutism that will be doing nothing for her confidence.

Am I being completely mad?

X

Not mad, no. And it's more common than you'd think - most children do grow out of it with no harm done.

I had selective mutism as a child - when I first started school I wouldn't even ask to go to the toilet and would just wet myself, even though I'd been dry for years. I'm now super confident and have a job that requires speaking to hundreds of people. I went to university, aced oral exams. Basically I'm fine.

My mum declined all interventions too, she believed that once you're labeled that's it, you'll never succeed. So proof, in a way, that I really did just grow out of it.

Definitely ask for the nursery's take on it. It might be useful to film her a couple of times at home so the nursery and HV have something to compare.

Hi @DivGirl thanks so much for your response, fantastic at what you've achieved from your younger years and by yourself it seems!
The filming her and sharing with nursery/HV is a good idea I'd not thought of especially interactions with me and her dad for them to see her speaking etc so thank you 😊

My DD was diagnosed with Selective Mutism age 3 after being referred for testing for hearing and Ed psych in nursery sounds very similar to your daughter. I had mentioned it to the health visitor at around 18 months (lack of eye contact and 'shutting down' when anyone spoke to her) but was told it was just a developmental thing so you may not get immediate answers.

'Labelling' isn't a bad thing. It gives your child access to more support and allows those working with her a better level of understanding of how best to engage with her. No reason to suggest that it would hold her back in any way!

My DD has a specialist who helps with testing her eyes (she has worn glasses since 2) as she won't engage with opticians, had an enhanced transition into school which meant spending 1:1 time with her teacher beforehand and has enrolled in a few programs at school which promote self-confidence and forming positive relationships without any pressure to be involved. All of this has been fantastic for her and at 7 she's much better in familiar environments!

I have been that way my entire life. I have social anxiety and can relate to everything you described. It doesn't make my life easy but I still have a good job and a wonderful marriage so it's not as crippling as you might think.
I do hope your little one grows out of it. I'm just saying if she doesn't, she can certainly still have a full, happy life regardless. Good luck x

@Bookworm83 @yatapina thanks both!

@yatapina definitely agree at this age too that labelling isn't a bad thing, nothing may come of it but I'd rather go with my gut for now and see what the Health Visitor may say

I was a selective mute from about the age of 3 up until I was 9. I only ever spoke to immediate family, never spoke to relatives and never spoke at school. Apparently I had a case of not liking being told what to do 😂 Then when I was in year 3 we had a new teacher who I loved, and she asked me to read a book to her, so I did. And that was pretty much it! I really didn't find it to be a hindrance, and it sounds as though your DD is doing great herself, so I would just be patient and wait for her to open up when she's ready. I'm now a primary school teacher and experience a few kids like this myself, and never like to put them on the spot to talk etc, it just further discourages them IME.

My dd was the same. She 9 now and performs in front of crowds of 100’s of people.
Firstly, regardless of what It is you need to ask people to not comment. It will feed her anxiety.
A strategy that had worked for others is - Play a game at home that involves some single word speaking (like snap) and then when grandma comes over play the game just the two of you with grandma doing something in the next room. Then have grandma come in and busy her self with something else in the same room. Then ask grandma to join the game. If you allow her enough time to get comfortable at each stage it might lower the anxiety for her and allow her to talk in front of others.