*sigh* girls' friendships, starting school

[puppydavies]

dd's school has staggered starts for reception, some of them started on tuesday, including dd's best friend who she has known since they were babies.

dd started yesterday and the very first thing friend said to her in the playground when we arrived was "this is x she's my new best friend forever" (on basis of 1 day's aquaintance).

now i know girls' friendships are fickle and this is bound to be just the first hiccup of many and i tried to make light of it but dd was clearly quite upset (not at time, but later).

can anyone suggest things i could say to help? dd is fairly shy/slow to warm up but had built a little friendship group up during nursery, 1 of those friends is now in a different class and she says the other 2 (including bf) now have new friends... new baby at home means she's feeling quite vulnerable about being rejected right now.

bump for after the school run.

sympathies for you and your DD

these school friendship issues are so hard to navigate, especially on top of all the other new school things.

would it help your DD to reinforce some of her other friendships? eg have the friend from the other class over for a playdate. Also you could invite best friend plus the 'new bf' plus another over for a little tea party (try to avoid a threesome as there is so much risk of one being left out..)

i found the thing that seemed to help my DD the most was having a birthday party quite early on, it formed bonds for her and got her into a happy little group.
appreciate all these are harder with small baby as well.

I do sympathise with you, I think girls can be like this. Last year my dd had a friend Aly -they were friends for 9 months. After the summer holidays dd and Aly were in the same class, but a couple of other girls joined. On the very first day dd comes running out saying B(new girl) is my best friend. She bonded straight away with B. I had to tell her that it was not nice ignoring Aly and how she should play with both of them. It was a learning curve, but after a few months she stopped being so enamored by B and now she considers both girls her best friends.
Encourage your dd to make other friendships, so that she is not so reliant on one person. If you are worried about how she is getting on, have a word with her teacher. Try not to worry, there will be other girls there that your dd will get to know over time.

Girls friendships are just a minefield. My dd thinks that no one likes her as a result of hiccups at school (original best friend left at the end of reception, and then the girl she finally decided was the new best friend decided at the end of last term that she wouldn't even speak to dd again going into yr 2 her class has just been rearranged again, and she is not confident about making friends I do worry!). I think encouraging friendships however you can is important, as is lots of positive reinforcement that you love her and think she is very special. Boys friendships are so much easier!

oh..now this thread has me worried
i was kinda hoping to stay right out of all that girlie friendship shite that i see other mothers encouraging already after 3 days at school..
Is that not possible nowadays then?..to opt out i mean?

My dd has just started in yr1 and only in the last week since she's been back has at last clicked with another girl due to classes being mixed up at the end of reception.

All through reception she was on friendly terms with others but had no best friends. Even an early birthday party a few weeks into term didn't really mean she especially gelled with anyone.

She often said she was alone at playtime , but tbh didn't seem too bothered about it.

I had a word with the teacher but many of the other girls were already paired up in impenetrable friendships - the way girls often are.

I would let your dd find her own way with this if she can but if her teacher is sympathetic, it might be worth just putting her in the picture.

My older dd had an opposite experience in reception. A girl welded herself to dd and totally isolated her from making any other friends. She became stifled by the friendship and very unhappy.

You can't win. Even when they do make friends they sometimes have little tiffs or blow hot and cold with each other. It's a minefield.

You have to just reassure her that there is plenty of time to make friends at her new school and her friend was probably just trying to be nice to the other girl and didn't mean to upset your dd. You are right, however, girls friendships are incredibly fickle and you will probably encounter something like this for a few years yet, I'm afraid! One tip though, try as hard as you can not to take too much to heart yourself. I've been known to stew about things all day because of a barney between dd and her friends in the morning and they come skipping out together laughing again!

Yes agree Maureen.

I am terrible for stewing over this kind of thing too, only to find the only person still bothered about it is me and they've forgotten all about it and moved onto the next thing.

thanks so much for all the moral support (sorry didn't reply yesterday, baby not well )

dd hasn't mentioned it again so it doesn't seem to still be bothering her. she is still playing with the bf so not being totally left out and is spending most of play times with friend from other class. it sounds as though she's also playing with other kids too.

and i'm sure it wasn't bf being spiteful - more being kind to a new girl who didn't really know anyone. new girl was crying before school yesterday apparently and didn't want to go in, so we spoke about how it would be kind if she would try to make friends with her (will be curious to see whether this works as dd has never been forward w/other kids in the past, but seems to be gaining in social confidence lately).

and those who said not to make too big a thing of it had it spot on i think. i know it's something i'm inclined to worry about (i hate the whole playground politics thing so much, was something i've been dreading, having 2 girls) and was hoping it had gone over her head until she brought it up after school.

actually i think we're very lucky - most of the kids are familiar with the school and each other from nursery and are settling in really well. plus her little group (except bf) all live really close so have seen lots of each other out of school too. i'm hopeful they will all be welcoming to the new children so no-one feels excluded. oh and there are a couple of birthday parties coming up so that should help.

but thanks again, you've reassured me that we're probably doing all we can and in the end she will have to get used to friendships blowing hot and cold occasionally.

So glad all is well.

It's hard not to feel very protective, I know. It's how they learn to negotiate friendships though, I guess.

Happy days