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Taking away DS's comfort toy

19 replies

mamansnet · 27/02/2020 10:42

DS has just turned 3. When he was a few months old, he gave up the dummy and instead started sucking on the years of a cuddly toy (a rabbit with long ears). Ever since then, he's had this rabbit with him whenever he goes to sleep, and he's been a fantastic sleeper from 12 weeks.

Last week he had his first dental checkup. The paediatric dentist told me that he's already getting an overbite, which might correct itself if we take away the rabbit now. It might not correct itself, in which case he'll need braces, but in any case we need to stop the rabbit NOW before it gets any worse.

Called DH on the way home and he agreed that we should do it. That night I explained gently to DS that Rabbit had had to go away, and that he would have to be a big boy. He was a bit upset but seemed to accept it. The next day we were on holiday for a week with his cousins, and while he asked for the rabbit, he didn't seem too bothered as he was too busy having fun.

Now we're back and he's upset. DS still naps in the afternoon when at home and yesterday he wouldn't settle at all, either in the afternoon or in the evening. DH and his parents, who have been staying with us, are convinced it's because the rabbit has gone, and are really upset by it all. I'm obviously unhappy that DS is upset too, but am sticking to my guns. It's been 10 days and I think if we bring it back now, it'll confuse him. And after hearing what the dentist said, I don't want to wait for DS to give up the rabbit himself, which might be years.

Anyone been in a similar position and what did you do? Neither DH or myself ever had braces so don't know how bad it actually is to have them. Thanks in advance!

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paddingtonbearsmarmalade · 27/02/2020 10:46

I am not a parent but had braces in Year 3 (& maybe 4?) to correct a big overbite, and then braces again with my adult teeth from 11-17. I absolutely hated having them, though I’m glad I did, but if you can try to avoid it for your son I would.

(Also, could you replace Bunny with a new “big boy” aspect of the bedtime routine? Like I say I’m not a parent so I’m not sure what! But I wonder if giving him something new to look forward to with bedtime will help him to transition from wanting the rabbit?)

DimplesMcGee · 27/02/2020 10:47

Gosh, that’s a hard choice. Couldn’t the overbite have been caused by the dummy? DS had an “open bite” from his dummy and within a few months of removing the dummy, it had resolved.

Are you any good at sewing? Could you cut bunny’s ears short and give him back? Say he’s had a “hare” cut? Obviously then DS couldn’t suck the ears but he could still cuddle him at nap time.

Justmuddlingalong · 27/02/2020 10:50

I agree. Giving him the rabbit back after ten days is a real step in the wrong direction. Stick with it. Your DH was in agreement but is now wavering because his parents are upset by it. Maybe suggest your ILs go home and let you get on with parenting your son. Good luck. 🐇

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DimplesMcGee · 27/02/2020 10:50

Ah just re read and say he gave up the dummy at a few months, not a few months ago. So he’s had Bunny since he was tiny? You have to give him back, then - with the ears trimmed if necessary. He’ll have a whole personality as far as your son is concerned, it’s like losing a best friend. DS has a comfort animal he’s had since he was born and would be absolutely heartbroken without him.

INeedNewShoes · 27/02/2020 10:50

I wonder if you could train him to cuddle the comforter rather than suck it?

Braces seems to be par for the course for teenagers anyway! I'd be interested to hear a dentist's view on this.

DD has an overbite. She has never sucked her thumb, had a dummy or a had a comforter that she's chewed/sucked. There is literally nothing we have done to cause the overbite apart from her having my genes!

INeedNewShoes · 27/02/2020 10:52

Another thought is that this is a significant change for your DS.

Every significant change we've made for DD, I've talked about it weeks in advance. I don't think she'd cope well with just suddenly having something major changed or removed.

Puddlelane123 · 27/02/2020 10:56

I’m going to go against the grain here and suggest that you exercise caution in getting rid of an established comfort object.
....as the sucking is the problem rather than the rabbit per se, could you temporarily sew the ears down so that he can’t suck on them anymore? I also wonder if it is more genetics than the rabbit as interestingly of the children I have known with overbites, none used dummies or sucked anything. It was just one of those things, as was the case with my own dc. Also is it an overbite in terms of protruding teeth or misalignment of upper and lower jaw?

MoltoAgitato · 27/02/2020 10:57

I would let him keep the bunny, to be honest. I don’t see how soft fabric (as opposed to harder plastic, like a dummy, or a thumb) can cause such radical movement in teeth. Do you or your DH have an overbite?

Taking away his comforter does not guarentee nice teeth. It’s like dentists saying fruit as a snack is bad because of the sugars. Yes, in theory, but I’m still going to give my kids an apple for snack.

Solasum · 27/02/2020 10:57

Could you not see the ears down so they are fixed to the body and not suck able, then he can still cuddle the bunny?

Solasum · 27/02/2020 10:57

*sew

EssentialHummus · 27/02/2020 11:11

Putting unpleasant / bitter taste on the bunny so he can still cuddle it but not suck it?

DimplesMcGee · 27/02/2020 12:17

Sewing Bunny’s ears down instead of cutting them off seems a lot more humane! Yes, do this.

To be honest, I know you have the best intentions but it breaks my heart a little to think of him wanting his bunny and not being able to cuddle him. I’m not surprised your DH and inlaws are upset.

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 27/02/2020 19:07

Firstly an overbite has nothing to do with thumb sucking/dummy, you cannot tell if a 3 yr old has an overbite. I'm assuming they said open bite

I really doubt that sucking on the ears of a rabbit will give your DS an Open bite. They are soft and flat.

I'm a dentist and would never advise to take away a child's comfort toy. They are 3! Taking away a soft toy is massively different to removing dummies, it seems almost cruel.

They have their baby teeth at the moment anyway, things may change with their adult teeth and they might need braces regardless. They are just braces.

I really don't think you can tell at 3 that a child's going to need braces. Are you in US? Why are you seeing a paediatric dentist?

I just came on here to say that my initial thought is this dentist is talking bs (and I don't like to disagree with other dentists if I haven't seen a patient) but your child is 3 and they are having their comfort toy removed in case they need braces, which is something 10 yrs away that there's a fairly high chance they will need regardless! Please give the bunny back!

Ghdsa1 · 28/02/2020 21:06

Ohhh I’d give it back 😔 poor thing . It’s not your fault but I think the dentist is talking rubbish. Sew the ears back like everyone else says. I kept my comfort blanket until I was 11 an couldn’t sleep without it 🙈 h must be so upset

Oblomov20 · 28/02/2020 21:14

Explain about the teeth being damaged and the dentist saying he might need a brace. He's only 3 but he'll partly understand.

Give him a choice. He's a big boy now so doesn't need bunny? Or he can have him back, but only if he agrees to no more ear sucking.

user1493494961 · 28/02/2020 21:21

Why will it confuse him to give the toy back, it was cruel to take it off him, he's 3!

farmertom · 28/02/2020 21:57

Omg this has made me so sad 😞 please give him back his bunny

Bol87 · 28/02/2020 23:23

I agree, it’s his comforter! Give it him back! How on earth can sucking on flat eats affect his bite?!

Our dentist is constantly telling us to lose our DD’s dummy & eventually, I know we need too but for now, if it helps her feel secure and comforted when sleeping, then so be it. I absoloutly would never take away her comforter. He’s her best little friend. Any injury, upset, tantrum - she clings onto him for dear life. Today, he went down every slide at softplay Smile

I think very wise words from the dentist above! Bravo @DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon

Notspontaneous · 28/02/2020 23:37

I am 42, my mum took away my comfort toy when I was five and I haven’t forgiven her yet!

Take the advice of the dentist upthread and give it back.

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