Just gutted

[Zaza6375]

Morning.. I’m just very low today and just need some advice please.
On Saturday I’m moving out. I’ve spent a year living in silence with my husband of 26 years.
I’ve tried counselling, suggesting we meet away for children. Nothing has worked.
I have three lovely daughters. 16, 13 and 5 year old with autism.
I have had to make the decision to go for my sanity and for my girls.
I have legal advice and support which has been excellent.
My husband loves his home. Our home. It is beautiful but an unhappy and toxic environment.
He is verbally agressive which I can deal with.
I’ve been constantly told I’m a bully, controlling, manipulative, agressive unapproachable.
I am these things. Today I’m on my knees.
My 16 yr old daughter has said she is staying with her dad. She loves her home and he gives her no boundaries. She’s given money on tap, he lets her go on her phone all night, she is the apple of his eye.
I am nasty and controlling as I set boundaries.
I love her beyond words.
I’m so upset she’s decided not to come with me. I’m just broken.
My younger two are very excited to go. The middle daughter witnessed him beating by old bulldog that I was devoted too. The dog has now passed away not because of him.
He also guilted me into a termination years ago. I’ve had counselling for this but I just can’t forget the guilt he put on me. I went in to have 4 miscarriages before my youngest daughter was born with additional needs.
Now I’m just gutted.
How did it come to this?
Just a shit day
I just would like some advice on how to approach her.
He tells her ‘I’ve done nothing wrong, I’m not leaving’ She feels sorry for him as he had a very difficult childhood.
He doesn’t love me, he resents me. There is no one else involved. The marriage has broken down.
I’m just sorry

You explain to here why you are leaving, that you love her and she is welcome any time and leave it at that. Trying to force her into coming will have the opposite effect. She may find life isn't so rosy when she stays, or she may enjoy it. You need to be supportive and open with her and hope she will see your intentions are good.

Oh OP. I wish there was something I could say to help the pain you must be feeling.

You must be so sad at the end of a relationship you have given 26 years to.

But it must be doubly devastating that your 16yo has decided to stay with her Dad. Do you think you can hold your emotions enough to tell her you respect her choice and that she will always have a home with you and her sisters, even if she doesn't live there? She might find that life isn't so rosy when you're not around.

Make sure she feels safe and confident enough to confide in you if he starts taking his verbal aggression out on her. Tell her you will never judge her or her choices. You will always be her Mum and you will always take care of her. She will always be as loved as her sisters are.

Op when my ds realised df was a walking atm and offered a life of no boundaries - including drug taking and alcohol at 14 he gave me a wide berth for a year.
I mostly left him to it. A text at Christmas and his birthday... My mh was trashed due to exh tbh.
A year later ds text and asked to live with me ft. He wanted parenting he said.
He is nc with exh and had a fabulous career ahead at 18.
Do not assume your relationship is doomed forever.
Focus on yourself and the other dc. Give her time to grow up.