I feel like I should be enjoying this more

[pippaaaaax]

just seem to be feeling a bit lost at the moment.

My little one is now 8 days old. I had a really rough birth, long labour, followed by an emergency c section, then a 5 day day in hospital because both myself and DD were on IV antibiotics, all caused by a hospital up!

We got home late Friday night, and DD hasn’t been too bad all things considering, but she is suffering from wind. Her eating pattern is pretty good, tends to go every 3-4 hours, but then it usually takes me over an hour to settle her down to sleep again. She doesn’t cry, but you can see she’s uncomfortable, she wriggles, keeps bringing her knees up, constantly makes squeaky snuffly noises. She loves her food, so I’m stopping her 3/4 times a feed to burp her, she’s having infacol, we’re giving her some time after food before putting her down, and trying a dummy, but nothing seems to be shifting it.

I feel like I’m really not coping, and even though she’s reasonably content I’m a mess! Due to my c section, I can’t drive, so I’m getting a bit of cabin fever at home. My partner is supportive, but he has 2 young children from a previous relationship who he has every weekend that live 250 miles away, so he’s away 2 nights a week, and this weekend will be the first weekend he’s been gone since, and I’m panicking.

I feel awful, partially because I’m on so many antibiotics and pain killers, I have zero appetite, and haven’t since she’s been born, and find myself bursting into tears over seemingly nothing at least 2/3 times a day. I feel like I should be enjoying this more than I am. My partner keeps telling me every time I feel sad, just look at DD because she should be enough to cheer me up, but I feel like I should be doing better for her. And on top of that I’m worried that my partner is going to go off of me because of the way I am, even though we’ve spoken in dept about this, and he’s assured me he’s going nowhere and that I’m bound to feel like this after everything that’s happened in the last week.

I just don’t know how to pull myself out of this rut! :(

I stopped reading at she's 8 days old. No. This is not the enjoyable part. This is the mind-numbing, over tired, overwhelmed hard part.
Take a deep breath. Tell yourself this is the hard part. Make your DP take her so you can have a Nap. And exhale

I'd recommend you get out of the house for starters. Just go for a walk. Do you have any family or friends that can come visit? Stay while your partner is away?
Sounds like you are experiencing hormone fluctuations which is totally normal so close after birth. Plus your traumatic experience and it's no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed!
There's harm in telling new mothers that you feel instant overwhelming love for your child the moment you lay eyes on them - I've not experienced this nor have most of my friends. Frankly it's a huge shock to the system, physically and mentally and you must give yourself time to recover and adjust.
Not sure I'd call the majority of baby parenthood 'enjoyable' either, much of it is boring and a drudgery. But you'll have moments that will make it worth it.
Hang in there, get out of the house and give yourself some TLC.

My little one is almost 3 weeks old. Similarly to you OP, I had a really long and traumatic birth that ended up with an emergency c section. I ended up being in hospital for 8 days in total as baby had to have a course of antibiotics for 5 days.

I've had my share of teary moments too! It's not easy. It's the biggest adjustment ever. Lack of sleep, your whole day revolving around this new little human, the constant sleep, feed, nappy change, wake cycle and life being so different from what you remember it to be before! I keep telling myself that it will get better and it's my responsibility to make sure my baby boy gets what he needs from me each day and it's enough to keep me going.

Rest when baby rests, eat when you can - even if it means having something made that you can just heat up quickly.

Accept that the first few weeks/months are going to be a little rough but it will be so worth it and things will eventually settle.
Your little one is getting used to the big wide world and the two of you just need some time to suss each other out and get used to your new life. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to have it all figured out too soon.

Congratulations on your little one and hang on in there 😊

Hi OP, it gets better!!!!!

Everyday post birth I literally kept saying tommy self "today is better than yesterday, tomorrow will be even better" it took about 3 weeks to start feeling "okay" mentally.

It's scary, daunting, exhausting but honesty when my DS got to about 6 weeks I really started to enjoy it

Oh OP. It sucks! It's wonderful. It's a miracle. But it's not for the faint of heart, birth and all that comes with it.
I love being a mum. We can all agree that we love our kids, love being mums, etc. etc. etc. but those early days and those first few months, for me anyway, were like hell on wheels! It's an Everest climb of an adjustment. Your hormones are crashing, your body is not your own, you're in pain, you're a feeding machine, you've been opened up and closed again, your bodies fighting infection, and just ugh!!!

You're in it together. You and your DD. It sucks for your DD too. Birth is traumatic for both of you. Hold onto your little girl. She's a bit like 'WTF has just happened? Where am I? I don't know night from day. I don't know how to digest properly.'
You've both had the rug pulled out from underneath you. It's a shock.
Being a new parent is the biggest life leap. Be kind to yourself and lower the bar.
It's totally normal to feel kinda gross, kinda wobbly, and pretty lost during what is meant to be a very happy time. Just take your time, OP. Learn your new role. Don't put pressure on yourself. Of course your DP won't go off you. He loves you! But I've always felt the same way after delivering. There's a sort of blue period. It's tough.
Your partner's been there... got the t-shirt, which is why he may seem a bit more relaxed. This is his third. But it is your first.

Is your mum near?

I did not feel happy at all for the first 3-5 weeks.
I still get tearful now when I think of myself sobbing into my dinner telling my husband I was so unhappy. I had baby blues and was so tired. 3 weeks was the worst.
And then at 5 weeks she started to smile and every smile warmed my heart a little bit and by 2-3 months I was full of love and happiness, with some tears and upset thrown in at various times. And now at 2 its just pure love (and annoyance).
Going to try and remember this for baby2, it is very, very hard work at the beginning and not everyone takes to it like a duck to water. That’s normal

It gets better. You will get through this. I was in hospital two weeks after son was born and he is now 10 weeks old and I felt the same as you upon coming home.

I burped my son every 15ml which worked for us and we did (and still do) hold him upright for 30 minutes before putting him down to sleep after his last night feed.

I remember the nights coming and feeling anxious and weepy as soon as the sun went down as I knew it was night time, the worst time.

It will get better.

It gets better I promise.
I was just as emotional as you with much less reason. 8 days is really tricky. And the guilt for not feeling over the moon at being lucky enough to have a healthy baby....

My life saver was a sling, so I could tie dd on and step out of the house. She slept upright so her wind was better and I could wander round the park/ shops abs feel a bit more normal. Mind you , it did sometimes take me all day to prepare for a 20 minute walk. Babies have a way of making you feel so incompetent.

Pretend you are a friend. If a friend was in this situation you’d be kind and patient, you would feel admiration, and you certainly wouldn’t be tough on them or judge them.
Like I say it will get better. Your wound will heal, your dd will start smiling, you will get to 12 weeks and she will turn such a big corner.

Meanwhile enlist any help you can.

Like the others have said OP these are the early tough days - traumatic labour, hormones, sleep deprevation.

Arguably the hardest transition is going from 0 to 1 children.

By 21 days you can start to see a bit of light. By 3 months it's much better and by 6 month you'll be a pro and can't imagine life without your baby - all rough timings!

I remember me and DH in those first few weeks were like 'what the hell have we done? Is this really what we wanted?' 😬 but it just takes time.

Think of your sleep strategies, how to relieve one another etc. if you can do shifts at night, so that one room is the adult room with no baby, so you can get decent quality sleep for a few hours without the distraction of baby.

Do an online shop is going to the supermarket seems too much work - I think bounty had a code for free Ocado delivery for a year.

Buy ready meals, shower once a day if you can, and brush your hair, little things like that can make you feel human in these early days and remind you of life pre-baby.

Sorry for the ramble but if ever you're having a tough day or night just remember you are not alone, and it's just the brutal transition into parenthood. X

Everything you are feeling is completely normal. I was similar to you. You have hone through trauma. Mentally , physically and emotionally. I felt that cabin fever too. I would get my husband to drive me places. Even just to McDonalds for a coffee. Even writing this its all coming back to me. The over whelming feeling. It's a shock to the system.

Can someone stay with you while hes gone away ? I had zero appetite too with all 3 sections. I just felt it added to the pressure as I was feeling faint. Try small bits of food. A banana . Some apple and cheese
Something to get your energy up.
Nap when she naps of you can at all. Easier said than done I know. Try her in the pram for a little walk. Just little. Shes still small and you're 8 days post section.

Every day things get that bit brighter and before you know it you have a 6 month old.

Hugs to you. It's not easy but you will get there xx

Thank you all. It’s amazing how much people saying that this is totally normal helps

I’ve got a good support network, nobody that can stay overnight, but certainly enough visitors to keep me going through the day. I think I’ve got myself too focused on the preconception that she was a totally planned and wanted baby, and so now that she’s here I should be loving every single minute, not wanting to put her down, can’t take my eyes off of her, when it’s not like that at all.

I had a good chat with my sister in law about it, who it turns out suffered with pretty bad PND for the first 4/5 months with her first, she kept that well hidden!

My partner having done this before is partially amazing because he’s so chilled out with everything, takes it in his stride, knows what he’s looking for...but at the same time I kind of resent the fact that he’s like that and I’m a sobbing mess, as as her mother I feel like I should be able to be like that too

I’ve got the health visitor coming next week, so hopefully a little vent to her will help, then we start to enter the three week mark where people have been saying you start to turn a corner!

I'm only 12 short weeks ahead of you and it's a completely different ball game. The first few weeks were shit. At least for me. I was overwhelmed with everything (some days I still am). Disclaimer I'm suffering from PND but since about 7 weeks for us things really changed. He started smiling. He can entertain himself for small spells if I need to nip to another room to pick something up. Then more recently he found his voice. It's the cutest thing we have little "conversations" now. It's ok not to love this bit, just get through it. It gets better.