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Parenting

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Original poster

rejected from private school -

62 replies

amirah97 · 24/02/2020 11:40

HI, I need some advice, my son was offered a bursary for year 7 and 8 at a reputable prep school, recently he sat a 13+ exam at a school recommended by the current school he attends and didn't do as well and was not offered a place. Doesn't the current school have duty of care towards my son, who is devastated. I will be hearing from the Head soon, what can I expect from him, what questions should I ask too. Please advise, my son is devastated.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

81Byerley · 24/02/2020 12:51

You should really look at this as something that is best for the well-being of your son. If he failed the entrance exam, the chances are he would struggle at the school. If he goes to a school where the academic standards are slightly lower, he will fly. He's obviously bright. This school is obviously not the right fit for him.

mummydoris2006 · 24/02/2020 13:07

I can't see that this is much different from children sitting the 11+ which we have here in Lincolnshire. Lots of children don't pass the exam to go to the local Grammar Schools, our daughter did but if she didn't I wouldn't have ever thought it was down to the school or their duty of care tbh. Although it can feel like a huge deal at your son's age PP I would let him know that there are plenty of successful people who wouldn't necessarily pass one of these tests.

Maryann1975 · 24/02/2020 13:13

Sorry to derail the thread, but I don’t really know how private schools work. Do you have to pass an entrance exam to get in? If that’s the case, then the excellent exam results are less brilliant, because the children taking the exams are already brighter than those who didn’t even get in. I always assumed if you could pay the bill, you got a place - that seems a bit naive of me actually. They obviously don’t want anything to risk their outstanding results!

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EnidBlyton · 24/02/2020 13:14

not all private schools have an entrance exam but lots do, hence the higher results.

lunar1 · 24/02/2020 13:16

Does the current school stop after year 8?

Kirkman · 24/02/2020 13:18

Its selective school.

The council will have to help you find another.

Clangus00 · 24/02/2020 13:19

@maryann Some don’t require an exam/test/interview/performance, but yes, lots do. Of course they want to take the creme de la creme and as you say, to protect their excellent reputations.
Again, they’re not all like this.

Nomorepies · 24/02/2020 13:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

74NewStreet · 24/02/2020 13:31

Are you saying the education the prep school provided was substandard and is the reason your ds failed the exam? I literally can’t fathom where the duty of care you feel your son was owed was withheld in that situation? There are no guarantees for anyone sitting an exam.

SurpriseSparDay · 24/02/2020 13:40

Ah, OP ...

I’m afraid your complaint is ridiculous - but I don’t blame you for not realising this!

Firstly congratulations to your son for being awarded a bursary at the prep school - you must be delighted, surely?

As regards senior school places - I imagine your headmaster is guiding you towards places that can also offer sufficiently large bursaries. Such schools are inevitably competitive - as I’m sure you know.

What you need to do now is discuss with the prep other schools to apply to. And help your son to understand that this is a process - not a guarantee. Please don’t panic - you need far more resilience.

SafferUpNorth · 24/02/2020 13:42

Why do you feel the current school has a duty of care - because they recommended to you that you apply for a place at this selective private school? Surely you could not have taken that as a guarantee that he'll get in. And surely you didn't view it as a foregone conclusion - you should have prepared him for the possibility that he might not get a place.

Sorry to sound heartless, but life is full of disappointments and your child won't always get what he wants, no matter how hard he works. Resilience is about being able to bounce back from that.

Soontobe60 · 24/02/2020 13:44

@BrexitBingoGenerator
OP isn’t paying for it, her dc had a bursary.

SurpriseSparDay · 24/02/2020 13:49

Are you up against application deadlines, OP?

I would be annoyed if a head suggested only one school and let other deadlines pass - knowing the system is, after all, part of what you’re paying for. But head teachers are not magicians. None of them can guarantee entrance for every pupil to their senior school of choice - all they can do is make informed suggestions and prepare children as well as possible.

Trust me, children rarely get into the wrong school for them. The right school for your child just isn’t obvious yet.

Calm down. Don’t panic. Continue to build up your child’s confidence - he’s already done well. Build on that.

Bluetrews25 · 24/02/2020 13:50

But you will have missed all of the entrance exams now, they will have allocated their places for the autumn intake.
State school beckons, hope you had applied for a place just in case this happened?

Needmoresleep · 24/02/2020 13:51

Getting a bursary to a 13+ school can be like winning the lottery. Just think how much it is worth.

You try, you may not succeed. This is not the prep school's fault. Perhaps the senior school had a surprisingly strong field applying for bursaries. The prep has already given the son a step up.

At DCs prep the parents of bursary kids were always warned to ensure they had a state sector Plan B.

Be constructive with the Head. What does he suggest. Prep Heads are able to make phone calls, albeit not all will be successful. (Kids do transfer from private to state, often when money runs out, though sometimes because of expulsion. It is quite likely that the Head will also know some of his State counterparts, so may also be helpful there.) What does he suggest?

There is no point being angry with him. You gain nothing from it except perhaps a less enthusiastic reference.

74NewStreet · 24/02/2020 13:53

The head suggesting one school doesn’t mean op should have limited herself to just the one application. That’s madness, and I doubt the head would have foreseen she’d do that

SurpriseSparDay · 24/02/2020 13:57

Point of order: there is no failure in not getting into a selective school via its entrance process. Each school has a severely limited number of places and there can be a million reasons why they pick one child and not another. Generally a child gets into the school best suited to them.

But the OP really should not have allowed this to be something causing ‘devastation’ in a 10/11 (?) year old boy. He needs to be able to take such setbacks in his stride.

TheOrigBrave · 24/02/2020 14:08

I'd be more concerned that your son is devastated. Was he not prepared for possible rejection and alternative schools?

Wolfff · 24/02/2020 16:23

OK. I think you're saying that your son has a place for year 7&8 but not for after that as his school only goes up to year 8?

If he is currently in year 8 you should contact your local authority who can advice you about a state school place for year 9.

Unfortunately the current school are not liable for the fact that the 13+ bursaries are more competitive.

surreygirl1987 · 24/02/2020 16:44

As a teacher in an academically selective independent school, I'm really confused about your post, OP, and I don't know why you're questioning the 'duty of care' your child has (or not!) received. Could you please elaborate?

'Devastated' is an extreme reaction so I hope he is getting plenty or support from yourself and his current school to put it into perspective- it really isn't the end of the world. Most parents apply to multiple independent senior schools, knowing that competition for places can be very high. Were you after a bursary as well? If so, that's incredibly competitive and I've known some incredibly bright pupils unable to secure bursaries. Competition is really fierce.

Many parents often treat applications to independent senior schools a bit like the uni system, with backup choices etc. Hopefully that is what you also did? If not, I can see that this rejection is perhaps upsetting, but hopefully you planned for this scenario and there is a state school place for him? What was your Plan B?

RedAndGreenPlaid · 24/02/2020 17:58

I don't think it's a huge leap to assume that if the child was in prep on a bursary/assisted place the parent has little/no experience of applying to independent schools at 13+
If the prep recommended that one school, maybe OP just didn't realise they need to make contingencies, hence duty of care comment?

JanewaysBun · 24/02/2020 18:28

Some schools offer pupils "guaranteed pass of 11+" (I think? ) so maybe it's that sort of thinking?

Rosalo · 24/02/2020 18:32

How have they failed in their duty of care?

DisorganisedOrganiser · 24/02/2020 18:33

Not sure why posters are being so critical. It sounds as if the school ends at year 8 and the OP’s DS has no school place after this academic year. I think devastated is an absolutely fair reaction to that. He doesn’t need his resilience building, he needs help to find a school place. Now.

DisorganisedOrganiser · 24/02/2020 18:34

They have failed as they should have been talking to OP throughout the process to ensure she has various options for a school place and also encouraged her to make a state application just in case.

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